我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
' X+ Q: k9 b# G
I fell in love with you
9 W6 y- |9 o# r; W# DAt the first week we met

& ^. c6 S# p  S' QYou have charm, you have looks
' |4 `) J* W8 z6 `7 x2 [with full of pimples in face
/ p# G7 U9 w% kAs spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

6 p8 f2 f0 `: D/ U% Z  LYour lip is so big
2 B5 z% c! i; wAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
0 k8 L  W8 w) y
I was deeply in love
: h' z) U0 o: z0 ~( uEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
5 O1 g. F- p# B' G( y+ s$ K: W) V" V
( g. T* W; w: {3 Z0 L( D: g( ^You could not stand my eating
0 r) D6 k/ j1 D+ `3 mSaying no good for making funny sound
8 W6 _" C, i* y+ U; I2 rI think you are perfectly right
- ^( ?7 G; I! E/ a7 J7 O: G4 fEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
3 `' ?- Q2 \) z; g/ \$ n
you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
2 o: ~4 X" ^' K- P+ u" }( h- I, o
You are loving me
* k/ f* ^& c, L7 k8 V% tor that one in your mind?
My mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want
; e; V* p! L$ d
8 `; f# X, L2 M  o0 ~, ^& p6 ~- r" Xunfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
+ ^/ Y+ z% K$ L+ oand I am seriously hurt
$ L* H7 s& |  Q; n- x6 q
' _! G& \) ?2 D, N3 kI will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
, k% X# E  v% u  n; Hmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

8 {% O' }- Z7 r. N2 _: e- c
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
! o1 Y. n! `/ y7 h" J5 [不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
# o, n2 U' F& S6 uwith the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
" p3 B+ K) k; G, M
: v& w3 X+ U+ u/ U# h. g% QYour lip is so soft
& M2 d8 C5 A- ]: Y! |: y; Mthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
/ V) X! K, t$ G* u" ?% s
I am deeply in love
# n  p+ l7 J% c6 I% J2 P) yEverything from you is so charming
/ G% U0 u" C8 A5 ?although You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
; V0 M2 B8 q/ P. N3 ZBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
2 ^! ?* C$ @0 P6 N

His hello is the end of her endings
5 j  q. P; p: V2 m1 F6 LHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
% v9 I/ M# q  f( q& `, I- T$ KHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
/ ]* C$ C: t6 X9 \0 pShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
6 Z$ B, {) M3 R
Below is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
. n- ^# X9 {3 @) V
9 }9 Y# I6 q% ^It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
& R. Z( ]9 Q, S5 lMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
6 i/ m/ r7 Q& pHoly Jesus, you were so cute

You left me without a word
0 x# p/ H0 b% z- Z" o+ X# ^I have nothing except my emptiness
# Y* u% _* h/ W4 E4 }7 {My mood is like a cloud
) ~) E: l8 ]; _$ y% ?( U9 RHow could it be dispersed?
; c3 E; H- g. E- C- o0 f* y3 G
$ v5 G# Y: Z  l% i. h8 r3 W, h3 x! tFeelings bite my heart
0 Y8 m1 [) s6 e8 t- A$ [You are the right one I wait
& D7 T5 V8 B0 W( y" S7 UIn the depth of my soul
( N* x5 O! F  A3 n7 z' g1 II will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
' X8 L: o7 [5 s2 Y' l4 p2 V) |) E你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
8 N  D5 `: Y6 L阿,我爱你
5 e+ V$ X. A5 x# b, _+ N! f你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
! I- K0 `1 Z5 A3 n( Q+ l% X, jXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
( d( o% l0 t- [5 R4 |
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
8 k, ^6 t# ?: H  Y2 \- D你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
( o6 u7 G) f# b就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
0 B- x' v: A+ p! X: O" I+ g/ [% d0 C你让我脸发热
3 t1 f3 T$ ?$ P( x8 g3 Z/ e我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
( n' J9 H1 u7 e5 I8 E& d( S不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

1 r( K- P1 r+ z* I& I( Y& O靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
0 b* t  e# {, _0 p, W, [' r1 O

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。