Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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& x$ @0 |8 y6 n: mCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( a& [1 i9 E# e* fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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. x% S' r! G5 F# _8 h* ABULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* A$ z) Y: x3 P' F  \2 [  ~BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 P- m- R. h2 m7 u8 SVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

8 G+ i. b3 A. `% @7 }P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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2 C# k; l0 F: `% M0 T$ l) W( V# F3 ~BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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0 h' v& x" p2 F0 O2 w: DSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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9 F# z6 @7 V1 W6 M) G* `2 nSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 z5 ]* z+ i! k, R" WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

  j  x. b3 ~' h1 UCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ v: l- o) f' M) d# w% Z/ L' {0 AYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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4 J3 P/ s) H5 T- u  r) a( u+ yWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 ?; y& W/ L% o) ZINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

5 B* d$ H* r' g% n+ ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# b& j; D- F& N6 dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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/ m( D, r7 B+ VWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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. c* |9 H" {/ k7 l6 d: C3 `                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵