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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. # Z1 I' R9 Z, f) J& M- {0 r. Z# ?
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. ; _- o5 \) J+ O4 V( B0 w
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. 1 e( |$ `. q, K$ g6 I( M- s/ o
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. * l, V8 s: K7 d. Z) c8 E
/ H7 [' m/ k8 ^; ~/ CVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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0 K( T0 p2 v8 S/ {" `8 _( gP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. : X% `6 p# V8 G, c
$ \: h5 M. F$ Z/ ~3 `/ V) ~ k6 HBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. 6 Q1 l2 s( P8 E! I, m+ o8 h
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.2 a" W2 l5 K9 T% l6 X
) E" d. ~0 t3 Y. v. K. E/ U5 C9 Q; y$ hSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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0 o1 \* V% S1 Y; WFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. * o- M. o: r& [! ]: \ v
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ! L. g* Z1 N3 K( f: [2 j0 h
. P9 [: t& [, Y3 G: iCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. % ], ]# G( d- w4 G5 O1 {6 ^" y
2 a6 b# x* w8 X5 gYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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. h( I E* n9 IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.; m! ]1 h$ o% K8 Y- Z6 ^* j# F
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. & A# [ \- ?/ A7 q% a- n: d' ^0 {
# W! g& ]% n; y9 ?PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.( Y; c8 d0 }# j6 ?7 Z3 \1 |
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 s7 r/ @3 M$ tWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ i7 d; W+ b% W9 }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. I3 t. M J: J
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.; U7 Z4 W D6 {
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon? : H" ` @" `0 j+ o4 c5 i3 O; w
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A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.& m: i/ c+ @9 J3 b9 O2 f5 `: V
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... ( x% h! W: U/ c) _8 Y. i: K. {
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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