Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: \1 a, |5 F, Z1 T& {CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
9 ]" p1 ^$ p- a+ C2 ~' P4 v' YBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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. L* V+ v1 Y# J1 A, xP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

8 ^, @9 P% q" G! w; |BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

# X: v$ `& H% N$ U) ?STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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; |9 o- }$ N0 t( `' ySTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! F* o0 L$ o7 B* P- z3 _0 USTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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( b1 H5 E: t( l8 f* NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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  U) V& E7 h% |9 j: J$ vYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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' n$ m  e+ S2 f. NIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ J8 M8 }% B0 }+ G, W6 ~8 XWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ A; T/ w/ d! ABut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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. |* q, ?, B1 o, NWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

$ D  w4 ?" m# J                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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6 J  W2 i0 Y- E                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵