Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

0 S3 H0 _( T0 aCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

0 E: X! p* W" j2 |5 e: FBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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+ N& H) `6 j  b( o& E- X% P5 vVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 y( X9 y7 T0 }$ O7 Y' aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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% r; p9 |* x( C& QFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 s( i& \8 I+ j+ }1 U' C) c) JCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

. }, ^2 i9 |' S" r( o' |WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

+ d9 i& ~) g( C; ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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5 A4 ~5 s1 e9 v2 C. v5 F6 tIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 H: N' e' V7 o8 }% G" [But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
4 F- r9 W- O4 G  t  u- r                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵