Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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' F5 ^' W% U. [$ c0 ZCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. ?7 x6 @& b1 X' B# J1 xCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

8 d% e. Y2 p! }6 j0 q0 jBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

& `) d3 z* |* V! D" fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 Y, Q* s4 o1 MSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ h- A+ R! e" ?1 i9 G* rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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: c8 \# l- \& L2 ~YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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& \) E/ i: i$ H+ p) v& L7 ?; nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 m: T6 @4 N/ a9 X" o1 MBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
/ y0 ^, V/ p7 f: I( w( dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! G8 E( _3 J$ k                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
) Y6 V) O; |- U2 g                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵