Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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. q' S9 Y) c( VCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 g6 X' V+ C/ p4 w! v4 d0 tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 u, [$ O7 J  n3 o$ c, @BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; r+ C8 u5 d/ e4 ZBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* s2 M' g5 t4 q% sSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 m5 H3 m- [# ^5 q& KCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 f: w  e1 [. z9 k  P  s. J! ^WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

% S3 y' _3 V' M, U" FPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 w/ D; {/ N. G2 ~! ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 C' B/ O: s" P0 ~' Y/ P* n" |But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
: B9 J# {) n( o; |8 n- X: gBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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! O7 S6 R) ~5 `% _9 D  EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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5 x4 H5 S: _  @5 r                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵