Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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" {0 ~4 p0 y* ?CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

: K: R( N4 X. d: b, kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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, i9 ~- ~* h; ^7 iSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 K6 [. H. P  f8 }+ L3 }STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# H1 \# P0 D6 h% x" F" \" L% nSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 o. O& p, D  N1 LCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

7 e2 @: s/ ~9 c& G. HINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) `) U  e& M4 B$ ^: oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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/ Q7 X5 a7 }2 s) HIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
$ [# r) t; [. t. ~With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
7 W/ s5 t' h7 H. G4 V2 r% ABut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
6 n$ W- a# p  Z1 `# n3 \6 cBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

, I& }6 I; h1 i- F; D- A# R4 I) U+ S                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵