Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
3 {5 ]3 Q! x  I% h6 ZCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

! c$ N9 a2 K6 E5 ?- m% N! aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

: Z) X: F/ n" s# x6 k& WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

% s& n1 ^5 e- S7 m& c: [% fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

, d( t; X6 N" E, M% u0 t2 ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 ?: H! W( L* cYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# G1 W) \; t- J& [9 NWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
/ @9 Z/ k& x" o9 ?! ]2 |. PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" V5 C; g9 Q$ g8 U. f) ^0 ZBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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0 z) ^! ]9 @. ~8 Q. d1 |% u/ Y                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵