Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? 1 Z" F* U9 ?- N+ N7 I" g2 y* H( ^" a4 o2 J D: O! Q3 L
Let's face it 1 w7 C/ ~7 m* a' N" [- W j7 fEnglish is a stupid language.) V- V4 x: F) R8 g) G3 k
There is no egg in the eggplant, i9 I9 T2 g5 G1 d `+ W( `0 b
No ham in the hamburger # S4 S2 }. I0 CAnd neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. . A1 n' X x& t9 D0 LEnglish muffins were not invented in England 0 v# }/ x/ g2 s7 N* d8 |2 pFrench fries were not invented in France. 9 u8 m' ?# J6 ^/ b( H( @) h1 V1 W# @
We sometimes take English for granted4 N6 L- N4 B5 n8 D, d. }
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that : J1 A) H0 u( [9 H% jQuicksand takes you down slowly ' }9 t# V, P. B3 \: L0 m' HBoxing rings are square4 G* M" q0 f. a: v, Q* I8 f1 |
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. ) I- A0 U" g' B# G* R2 d" c+ T4 o9 {4 V' p$ q- E
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. 2 `0 u- g7 @. f1 H0 x; ]# OIf the plural of tooth is teeth ; h8 H& b7 {, p4 z$ T3 aShouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth ! u) j2 W! a+ Q' X* \If the teacher taught,6 W% M/ r0 j2 V. D9 H
Why didn't the preacher praught.! a: i) L/ M% ]! X% n6 g/ ]& l
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If a vegetarian eats vegetables9 K. I5 g* L* f3 E
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? ( s0 U/ X( E: S. |( \' p9 f3 eWhy do people recite at a play , a9 O+ E. I I% HYet play at a recital? 9 O8 S' q* A4 r8 ?Park on driveways and3 Z0 K% I, T: X! Y- }0 `
Drive on parkways 5 G l8 k- X w . T! e. U F) U% i" aYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy; e( a9 D# x% n+ N A% U# W g/ n
Of a language where a house can burn up as5 Y9 j( L% |0 R; r
It burns down # f$ }8 D e# b0 b9 Q- A$ GAnd in which you fill in a form 5 R) h/ Z6 t7 d4 J2 L a( Q0 M- ?9 ]: |By filling it out 8 G5 t+ q4 y F4 PAnd a bell is only heard once it goes! ( F% C7 i+ f% Y+ p, A3 _3 k 5 |! a; k$ S, G8 ?English was invented by people, not computers : ]: V; X- R: `) FAnd it reflects the creativity of the human race" X% T9 i, [8 x+ Z' N
(Which of course isn't a race at all)2 h1 R+ P& x. k% v+ n
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That is why! `1 Z8 T( ?- q& m# H
When the stars are out they are visible & b1 Y) P( B% p8 M4 }But when the lights are out they are invisible3 L4 x. f4 U) D2 m0 i; c T
And why it is that when I wind up my watch% K% [$ [3 @7 E/ ?. b* n# [: p' j3 V
It starts ( c5 q. H! B" A6 u/ X/ F+ w* ABut when I wind up this observation, 7 R8 O1 b! ?3 u$ i! C1 i5 HIt ends.