办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
; N# Y. h# h- c* j: ?, v2 T& h) u3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

+ ^  h, X$ \8 V/ s8 PSick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

) R" O% y3 ?& k# m5 h7 I( j$ O1 ?( mPersonal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

2 o2 M5 G/ K2 zBereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
2 H6 t0 E, X$ ^- |5 X9 H+ M% @" \3 V3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
! B; c! r. w0 `; T2 w* B5 k& [: A4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
, D5 ?$ b: a" V  L
Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
7 P+ ~3 g0 L9 |6 h+ b5 w" L4 K2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
, U& N8 C! B, M, n4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
$ b* x( ?% f1 m9 U! A- G3 A
& M! E( }; O" F, a% wLunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
3 g) y) T: E$ B2 G- K9 ?5 s
, s8 ~7 X& e2 i8 _! GThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
' c1 K4 {' V5 l& X/ I  z
The Management
& |: I5 f8 I) ~% g8 S' T$ {# {
Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.