办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
, C5 Z: H6 _  j) p6 |5 B1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
/ k' G. }* u; v  v" c7 u5 j3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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* g8 W, N$ V6 ]( J' p$ _  BPersonal Days:
$ O8 ]4 T! T0 c3 v% Z- [. f9 S9 v" PEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
* A0 e+ G  |  _& ~" R2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
' t  g, ^  }5 K6 Z  C' q- p" \6 k3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
4 V0 n1 b" h8 n: G4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
0 A8 V$ Q+ U# K3 N% _- z1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
/ o9 e% u7 o2 s, J8 u2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
5 }  s% w* G: c4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
9 n( T- B! i* v4 |3 F6 R1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* j) v. q3 q0 B2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

) b) `7 _( M! ]Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management
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7 @1 H' F; b, V$ u9 Q0 MPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.