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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code: 2 v1 b5 m+ M& {- L
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   ! ?: x' \8 I, p$ C7 y& r: K
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 4 U8 L& [1 P/ C! e: E! a) M
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 5 P* P3 d2 q0 c: L, P1 o
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. " C1 `  B4 Y+ l) W+ ?0 [' d* @  K
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Sick Days: - t: t% D1 W8 J# X* n- x
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
; A0 V1 C/ P. \3 _$ WEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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. N0 x3 c3 K, ~) Q# IBereavement Leave: 2 [: k/ [4 W7 d2 `
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
! Q" D& G5 R8 f2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
( `; R4 P! J, O& @. \+ J3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
5 t% E  |: @  d2 l2 x; E! u4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 2 ~. Z) l6 G! v  G  O; ]! }% z
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Bathroom Breaks: % Z7 Q" g% X& ?& D
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   0 {; n  B$ ?6 S7 I: |' A
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
# U: `1 y7 s6 R- x7 ~3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   % ]0 p) M" l  T& M
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. $ e9 W0 o* B* L
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Lunch Break: : ^+ z  b2 Z" c# S
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 1 L' F; _+ H) {7 d; r
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. ; v6 \5 H- G) b0 Z. X) D
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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/ H/ J, j- L, N2 k6 \Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. ; v+ W( m9 [5 _9 F
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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