 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code: 9 l0 S, Y0 Y/ F1 h' K2 x1 o/ ^
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. ! Q3 O: T" g1 f6 G& H( L" V
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. ) q2 [+ M! y7 M1 @ _5 |# P- L
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
& Q) o$ W6 r# u- ?* |4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. v& O4 @5 C- F$ R" l5 ]( O
% `+ t9 e Y0 Y& [& BSick Days: 6 p% U' S$ m! l+ F7 t
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
; p$ l- s9 @- ]: g7 ?1 TEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave: ) N8 Q, h" g$ @7 {. L3 Q6 U
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. 9 ~. n& d( V2 H7 o
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. 7 |1 W. @8 g5 L) t; O1 k% x
3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.
5 `' c( x8 \/ i* \4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. : P8 F& u" X4 J9 F! J4 S' K" {+ i
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Bathroom Breaks:
, L: z9 R: F6 S) ]- |9 Y1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
2 j. |. z$ `; w% ~" M2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
0 y1 X) c- g; h2 j3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 2 S# f/ g7 Z7 U
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. ; G7 d/ P8 J3 y
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Lunch Break:
0 J# {9 u/ O% W: C+ E' G1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
( T( s: _4 `9 p2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. ! w" C& c0 a% x
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ; s) V# V7 q. V5 p
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 3 ? b2 e4 P/ i4 d. ~6 B8 G
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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