办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
' d4 u; d$ }' i' Z# P1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
% M) y& D( z  Y3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
# w+ `- p3 @; D4 t4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
- ^! L6 q4 k. H5 {We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

( R& z2 @" E/ `1 v" c+ @  OPersonal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
* y; G7 Z3 `6 S! N# O* L0 H, @1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
2 m" N7 J* ~+ N, E3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
: z7 A% y) J# Y. m4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
  Y/ [0 q1 t; w4 @# H9 I- j) Q1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
( `7 e7 J& `" U: o3 D" V4 Z3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
! w, V$ B+ h& r! M0 l( T; J5 g6 [4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
+ \, @1 {4 O0 M0 W2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management

* a7 o( E) c/ {, J( g1 V2 UPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.