 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code:
' d4 u; d$ }' i' Z# P1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. ! g% S, Y# a! ]3 g6 V6 ?
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
% M) y& D( z Y3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
# w+ `- p3 @; D4 t4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 0 m. D; w9 F" E/ k
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Sick Days:
- ^! L6 q4 k. H5 {We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 2 H$ \1 Q/ ^0 `5 D/ v$ ^7 [7 P
( R& z2 @" E/ `1 v" c+ @ OPersonal Days: - M7 Q6 {2 g, j! }" G4 L; y2 K5 f
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
* y; G7 Z3 `6 S! N# O* L0 H, @1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. / q! T: ~7 @# e) ]6 A
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
2 m" N7 J* ~+ N, E3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.
: z7 A% y) J# Y. m4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks:
Y/ [0 q1 t; w4 @# H9 I- j) Q1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. 5 S" l. K3 v4 X
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
( `7 e7 J& `" U: o3 D" V4 Z3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
! w, V$ B+ h& r! M0 l( T; J5 g6 [4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: $ w# f0 K2 ?7 e5 r/ g9 j
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
+ \, @1 {4 O0 M0 W2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 8 y1 D& Z+ ~4 G( D8 X
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. " S5 R/ n2 N! k, w3 A6 _
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management $ S7 ?7 q! R" Z/ P, E# N% `
* a7 o( E) c/ {, J( g1 V2 UPass this on to all who are employed. |
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