Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
: l( \! W+ M' d7 d( ~> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% Y& E* @! Q. M2 L+ l7 B>thinking."
9 Y0 Q: b! N) A% \# Q' U: W( e9 _> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
2 q6 V& J5 d" Q7 h# M- j) N$ N> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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) F: N8 I, A( X/ A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, }( [2 J+ A9 [1 p- `7 G/ ^' J> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
  C, L* c# e( _> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 R/ V& N  s4 t% Q8 ~# z8 ]9 V> > > >"That's what I said!"
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5 G, K3 N1 M% ]: i2 E4 Y- J, _8 z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ I( q& n' n0 o2 l> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
& ^" ]0 j& e$ e$ e; T4 S> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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( ]/ \4 }0 p$ c, }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
% s3 L, l' |& |) C> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
# H. [) v$ `. V1 ]: f> > > >piss!!"
; ]9 B3 j8 R9 G> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
$ |5 p5 u# s' G4 l/ q2 w! q6 n> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
: ^1 g1 w& n. Z9 o" m, L/ ]) x% L> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
1 [$ R; W) R3 H; D6 C) B7 ?% i> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
2 P. U0 c* g8 M6 z' `> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
" T: q/ G& I  P4 C8 N4 Q# o: Y> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
6 v' f. m5 J( d) p6 j2 k> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* P3 l8 Y& `) \> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. z6 x# |' p. B; Y4 }. `> > > >beautifully."
  b0 |0 t. M1 ~> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% L* }- E+ f' L3 H/ }# ^> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: ^2 Q+ \" B# w2 Q* U. O. \> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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# N8 x2 E" g3 Q6 Y5 J' ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
# l# j# U1 P/ G8 h> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
8 I4 V& C' E$ j> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" ~; I5 w0 z! e7 I> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
( [  @; u) S- E. G. V: V> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
% s1 e$ I7 _3 Z> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business