Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
8 K6 I! P4 t, N, j# d> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
: U0 `8 G3 b, J& X2 w7 g> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
' |! M- a" R7 H; O  T( h' J+ \( U0 z0 u> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 f' i# ?7 q* T- j/ x6 v$ i1 T! w- `>thinking."
) ]0 j3 ]4 F! R> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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$ ]) v- u: ~6 B( H> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
4 F1 m0 p# S+ h+ m" N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ Q/ w2 a% C, K> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
) W. t# t& D: W$ g5 M: Z1 _- F/ P> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
; J7 o1 `" ]9 h& q. j! D5 H> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 u6 F$ n9 B; A. ?# _$ \: p> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
4 z6 s. S7 @' }0 N0 v> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
# [0 B3 \! c( u# f7 X9 M> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
1 W7 f3 z2 ?. A1 D8 k7 C3 |> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
% }( G% p( Z+ v7 O+ r! q: w> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
/ P* u4 X# b; }% F0 ^  d5 @: |& v> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
+ t: ^- \% W& @1 R/ n0 J> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
9 B& \4 t, A1 `" Y> > > >allow
+ k6 T3 n. [3 V/ B> > > >you to go."
: q& E4 q) J9 K8 U( A> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
" p7 P- m; y) o0 D6 V> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
4 L' |5 P+ Z5 `, S) M> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
/ s8 a1 c% _  M7 e> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
! b6 L" F! R7 S! X+ z& }> > > >beautifully."
% ~+ i$ Q& C/ Q" a5 p> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
  ^( f( z' m! V6 n+ V  J> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 Z. r9 l/ k% U/ `; o> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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7 Y+ @1 S& j7 ~( \7 k5 A7 v> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 C; c  M/ w2 }. P) O1 n( f  j> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
9 G2 G* d) }0 Z! X$ i" I> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
1 [' ^. t7 I4 o> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
8 R# `5 u) i4 z# p: t. \* m- c; b> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business