Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 L# ~" b- `  `; a. y/ C; N- V+ w+ }> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
! k; O0 _( t" }9 M+ Q> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
0 ^9 y( c$ }! K5 v+ f>thinking."
, C& F" K+ j3 V% [4 `5 s> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
8 }5 H* p. u( ?0 ]0 N$ o2 r  z> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
6 v% H7 f# ]8 E+ d> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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6 N0 [. l" `: P> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 l& E, U+ F. n* R" R> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
. S. k. w' d; N2 D> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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1 q# a: r! |# f! y' \> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
; C0 {7 \7 ^- r2 ~: K  K8 O# _> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( c* z' F3 D- h- K0 r! \% k> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
$ B  g& v& F* t1 o6 e> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
" j- e0 S* H8 H$ _$ y1 i> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
6 `7 p8 i5 [7 u0 f. g6 e> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
1 d; {3 B# M+ Z> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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: k. t$ `0 z: ?; h. O9 z$ A> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
  t0 b- |! S3 X) ?2 Y> > > >same sentence twice.
: Z$ M$ V8 y" h> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, h. a$ L2 q$ }8 L3 B3 g5 W> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
6 ~" x2 W4 f6 o: F" t5 E> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. [, ?( l/ Z/ r$ R) k, F  D+ Z> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
. i, h" i$ `9 p  m> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  Y3 U' g" N. H' ^> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) O! W/ L: u4 k$ b+ e> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
4 Y% b6 k) ]4 Y% b5 ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business