Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
" y) v* V0 x  t- X# y- S, L>thinking."
0 k% n: k7 ~" U8 h# \" X, X& ?6 r> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
# J9 r# s0 D: Z>cream.
# A& ?' o( |0 P8 W4 h4 X; O> > > >Which one is married?"
& O3 O0 J) [1 c- x9 `8 ^' h2 t9 B> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
/ D: }5 L# E5 L7 c> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' m+ U" j& T& r, Z! C4 n8 N" O2 _> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
! ^9 l" S: P* d6 ^; _6 X$ B> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 t2 ^6 f# b$ ]. [5 Y$ H> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( ^9 S' Y6 X+ T$ Q> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
, T( Z! J* Q* q6 C> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
5 K3 |* L' ~2 h+ j> > > >"That's what I said!"
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" K; R! ?. H- T2 s- l: a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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3 O0 W$ C6 Q! N$ X( W; t> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
4 C8 O, F5 L, i( X) R5 R4 o4 M8 `> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
$ k. a, V! r9 d. b> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
9 i; W  {% z; o8 H: I9 C6 ~> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
5 i3 g1 {! [# g( R  H> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
2 H8 r7 X, g0 S$ H& s> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
4 d$ ~4 p1 G% D: [' n+ [0 G4 m) ~> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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% i+ u: s' ]. b> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& B/ h5 X/ ^  h> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
( v, }( \  P, l> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 a6 A5 b+ K, `2 J- t/ G/ \) G+ h> > > >same sentence twice.
, V. g6 n$ I0 R8 Q! X> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 ]3 R* |2 G* B# O> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
3 U$ _7 d+ D9 {( F3 r- z0 q$ g3 Z/ L- \> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
/ E4 C4 u. ?3 e% z> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
4 L# B8 e) ?3 `4 [& H. o> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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$ |: v/ L# D7 k! a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
6 q$ O7 C$ W% [9 W- A( [> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 I6 w6 k+ Y8 K' B5 e> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
; Q4 c! z" x1 ^> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
6 d4 X* _" z7 j% W> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business