Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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  f+ C* F+ ~& T5 D3 i2 |/ l> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
3 g4 D9 b5 B8 h' u1 x6 _> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
9 \4 a1 k3 k3 R$ Y> > > >Which one is married?"
! \7 b  U0 m! z# ?7 ~' I> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- \& [) r1 T1 x4 y7 L0 }1 }> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
/ |0 A# q( U* E1 F> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
3 Z0 R& d3 Z+ U# E> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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4 n6 }, y% r& J" P9 i( N# J' ?( e9 |> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
  D* n4 l: f% E7 b% y> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
( l5 w9 H; B" u! v3 s) r( c" m> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( A  y  A% `" j; D3 \" k9 e; K> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
( ~6 o( @* ~/ g> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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( p, `1 j+ W$ v6 Y" X# F2 h' Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
3 ^  `" O- y) V( L- J> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
! X8 j! U7 I: @/ h> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
0 h( _2 U' p/ J; K& k' h5 @- [> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' y- Q/ M3 ]! b- k9 Q# ?- k> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
( a! ?( h' \. z& {" q+ U: s/ W& i. @> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
6 ~" h* ~" A. K5 J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ v1 _; G. {. L+ o6 n6 ~> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
' `; B( Z9 s8 D: v0 o4 F> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
- z- q3 c8 k- w- p, U7 I> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
- Q6 m* Y( j$ H1 T, t> > > >beautifully."
( r* |1 d" j8 Y# y' m, p" i> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
' n3 B8 Y! l. v> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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. i# C; K" ^( {+ ?7 `: K. l> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
% f* S1 T# T5 _7 r> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ U2 A2 W4 }. r, {8 p; ]/ s1 p2 z> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
7 h( @! ]7 c9 R1 ^4 A; a, B> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
7 T" v5 Z( H: a; v6 {> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business