Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
# V4 k5 S8 \4 l$ K0 p! X> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
! g3 l" j8 X, g& K4 M3 U4 k> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
2 P# J2 H+ Q* j, d5 `> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
0 ]/ d$ r3 I) [5 `. v9 E  [> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
& _! a. i* |, P- k* y8 g> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
2 x8 b$ U/ z7 B* a> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
9 e+ A: K$ _8 J8 F" e>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
# }5 L+ I$ u  W+ b2 d> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
- I% d5 l, j" W3 z> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
7 x( ]4 h+ S2 h  J1 h3 U# a" J( z> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
0 r. M; v$ b3 n, H, i8 d: L' P6 I> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
  K; Y) R+ m1 D8 S2 n5 l3 \/ U) Z> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
1 o( ]; q( K, |% Y/ f> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
. y8 J+ l7 T$ z* y  }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
4 d5 W  Q! C1 k: u; _( M- e" p> > > >
  S% A1 U- l( z2 w' m5 g/ {# ]5 Y> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
' d8 l7 z- V$ q- l- Y- D> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
  U* N' L5 ?+ ^) e> > > >
  e- F# Z4 c/ E: A7 z> > > >
, w" K( [8 ^/ Y! i- G> > > >
, V% n( e( M. g1 N0 e" K, h> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
! c. w8 }( t, v5 y7 G> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# b' x* Q6 B8 ?: y5 {0 f> > > >allow
% L8 \1 ?1 Y8 F7 @/ F# D; p> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
' s: D; N" j0 B% C* f) W2 ?. J> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
- ~! Z% t: n$ J* b! z/ [2 o8 T( X> > > >
5 W5 j7 T' `( W& U> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ ^3 U$ u" F& O+ ?" H% Q9 L) Z> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
$ y5 q. }  Z1 V, o> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
# {! ]$ g7 G' Y9 L" s3 a> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
# a  L# u6 G0 U> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
6 w3 ^" _7 p; v! N' H1 f) g> > > >beautifully."
7 P# T; M3 P, s8 P* a: `> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
! n( X. W% \7 g5 E* w# q> > > >called on little TONY.
/ n3 h( W+ X! x; k# H> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
6 g$ R; u- l* N6 {) S; l, X> > > >
> > > >
0 D* q) ~4 @3 f( e" G7 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
  B0 Y7 l9 ^0 z  E( y% o> > > >
& l, I$ c+ U, L> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
2 J( f5 z8 _* q6 I% g> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
& D& X7 _1 @+ n- t& X+ |8 a4 X> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
, h, x5 h+ p2 c& W/ {' H2 a) x9 r> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
- C, H; _, Y  }5 @* `( D> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
' I& t6 X; r. [! M# V0 I> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business