Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 q+ _& Y  c8 a% V4 ]% z> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
# A% ^* H# h0 S4 [' S5 q> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
5 n, J5 ^1 W; V" m$ i6 {# ^> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
- g0 z5 ]9 |8 }( d) M  Z. }- Y> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
3 I6 j" f  o# W6 b9 f) p> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
( C8 q+ p# O6 p7 O/ p$ i" Z. `, d> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
2 }3 [  ^; Z* ]> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
' W& j! w, g  n3 T) j- ]> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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' l& s8 N4 G' a3 T. j( A9 Y> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
$ n! T" T& m& a> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
3 W# g4 E2 G$ s* w8 Y> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
; u) q; v2 U  L> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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0 x) T2 r* T$ Q. V> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
% {( N& |, |0 Q0 H, O" c# @> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
- }0 n5 P: V- P0 T> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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3 r- R/ K- k. c4 D' |; [, @  N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
9 W6 J1 i8 W: ]> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
9 k3 \- s8 P4 }) r/ d# s& ?7 |9 A> > > >piss!!"
$ f4 S4 {- L- z  v! N& y7 A> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
, _+ {0 ?( V6 `- M> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
- l$ @1 d& d% J* g# f, y; u> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, |$ `" F& H3 [; a/ T4 M> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
3 {- o/ j# X( {> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
+ I" M9 t5 _) B, i> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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  _4 x( i" U" z! X6 H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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1 O- e4 y' d* w4 _+ j; r, V, c> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
: P  b7 {, ^) g1 m! r> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
  c& r/ o* o. K2 v> > > >same sentence twice.
; l' O) q" M5 t> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
2 |* n/ N1 a& I> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
, H8 Q& o8 z& D- {> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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: G& u* z0 }/ ~8 T$ c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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4 D& ^0 O4 W3 E6 N; T9 o& F> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
( D9 @' B+ L2 S! @> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
) M. a+ O( y3 Z> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business