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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem8 {( ^8 w2 s& Z! @; L8 `
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
$ j3 Y8 a2 y$ N. R) j  n# QHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem2 b! O2 I* j0 d' _% F
Thanks a lot!!!8 F' ~7 T* K, X  @/ r
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/ {: z9 N2 ^! Q& A5 ~. q

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
. s. X+ m7 e: |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
0 ~" D4 |+ o0 K, U" z' K              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 k- ?" y# L& Q' s' Q6 F% v; G              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me : e# Z8 }# ~' k/ I1 @1 D* k7 {9 |, C
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
9 W! f/ B1 v$ Y              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness : ^( ]% _' ]" k# b  D
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday # P0 {$ k+ E- j: Y0 D$ g% K
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart & [0 j8 D/ x) Y. c8 c
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 z) C; z0 j5 _& H8 t  g             somehow I lost myself inside again / r) e/ F/ v% {8 s* I: [9 o, Q
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog 6 |; T$ U9 G- C; [% p% f* X- A. q
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% J% \/ F( G8 H: RFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
$ T4 y9 O6 J+ o8 O  ?3 v0 nBasically, I almost finish this poem1 I0 N0 A# M8 P" m! ~# b' G' I
               I am 一个人de精彩; e2 V: p# L. T% J: t/ |
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.- j  x5 X; A. \/ m9 U8 O
But........         
# X$ v1 S/ \2 Z! m: j  ^5 ]" ^Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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4 g) M* s; T% m  N卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you 6 ?# e0 w# `. g! @/ D
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us   T. X- }. w. K: }  s& D9 M6 Y
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world / f: N$ \" x8 r& I
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' h9 m3 r' n  n' n9 mSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
+ C0 K) b* C1 Z5 h5 S* ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
! q6 c# \+ ^! s# d3 A! t! r
/ W- h# X4 c; BSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) r) \: l; g  R1 ]. F+ B) dSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
  J0 a" n# S' cSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( M( `4 G! o/ U: [5 [/ K4 M( P) VSomehow I lost myself inside it again 1 a3 X5 k. W% H( }  ]

" B; H  f  t# @( M6 o+ P% g1 O1 ZSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion/ E" _: y# z) v. h6 }' |
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
/ w3 e! Z1 r3 L$ RSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself3 c+ q4 W  @% q& q
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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, ^% I9 O7 I/ e$ |. T& s/ CHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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- N' Y/ U0 b8 M9 W( O4 J% G5 l: Qsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness# w3 B  Z  k5 W+ I
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 2 C1 G* P6 Y# \9 X  b
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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