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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
. \0 O$ _  [. r& e+ xBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.- ]8 n# s, P: k! _9 U
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem% H& i1 [) o4 C( i7 j
Thanks a lot!!!
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  ?$ O  w& g' ~# c6 K- E4 T4 d7 L5 G( j" O' H* g
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2 `. S% e6 B  LFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
" v! \  L0 }& ^" I5 p              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us / m1 s+ l  }  }  H
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world + x+ f! K! Y- }
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me 6 L& y! M1 P$ K6 a
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 7 ~0 `% h: h5 ~" ]7 z& p
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness + x% h0 `, H7 I. D7 r; G+ W
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 ^+ L" V0 f8 }8 b! v3 ~" v: `             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ) Z) w0 D3 U. v- e& \/ G
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; ~; T+ R7 i4 l# a
             somehow I lost myself inside again
1 X6 O  Z. i5 ^Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
: U- h- e- K! z9 d7 I             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion- W6 s) M  W' m# W% K
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
5 l+ p: a- u" M" Z- v! q0 PBasically, I almost finish this poem  P9 L2 }5 p8 Y, S" w
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ X4 B+ I" B" p               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.6 @  s/ ?; q1 d: K
But........         
8 X/ ~- j6 a9 E; z% v" n& nIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”: S+ h, O! S3 A$ [5 W2 h
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?' b2 n! S- C3 K: u3 c* |$ g

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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
1 J" {6 F  k3 o7 t; G7 e- z; ^Somehow I'd find something wrong with us   b7 h8 G1 l& q% f" _, |" o" W2 v! g
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world " E2 T# [4 U4 j; x* p
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   - e; P* V; ]% w
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind ! J* n- X% [9 {
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 |% s# _7 F: m1 e4 r3 i' ^/ U- F  D4 r" z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 u) v# I- z4 ^# `6 ], iSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
2 y$ z: [- w1 Y* i/ Q) w+ ~Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness; W, A/ d4 S5 C
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
$ w# u7 e" j9 n# R. t6 r
- [7 T. t0 L  {% s; jSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion( J" K/ Y5 Q+ s' ?2 N1 D' }; Q  z% a9 q
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you5 s, A! J. y# E9 \) p& Z: l
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself0 M* h. E3 Y* x; C, `
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 2 F! k& e/ ]- v! K; |
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
6 _2 D9 _2 o8 g$ ~5 _) R' l% T  U$ C# T' b' G( f3 j3 E3 K* W/ Q7 U6 j
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness, X+ B3 x3 j* R/ R& [* `4 [
=====================================================================3 \, J# [. N# E1 K' s
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表   {) L8 p3 w3 ^4 `4 s" [9 q3 G8 D6 l
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

( p- f( b  |) G) Q6 Q哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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