请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
& Y0 D0 S5 O3 nBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
4 A5 q/ q/ ]" ~& @* \0 QHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
  t) K8 U. d& g5 Q+ X

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
) l, @0 L- a# O2 G% G+ @2 S; m              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
; Z- ^' J5 j8 a& s0 \! w* y" s              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
; n5 m( v! w: E0 b3 K9 X& E1 b              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  |; i* k' [, D& }0 AHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& l  z' K+ z; [- ~( l             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  b! J; ?$ ~: E" p, d* K/ g             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
- z  E; ~. Q# Z0 c) Z             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- {, w6 L9 o0 w4 g# P+ T! p: j5 O. X9 eFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
9 {' X8 t4 G% p0 I9 ]               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 w  k) P+ V( Y2 R卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  S9 k6 `! W4 [9 v3 U9 m, USomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" a1 P9 |; j0 K- N' ~Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

8 O- f% q* H0 T3 B9 JSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
+ ?- l1 e9 e2 t" P! F7 _Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
6 [; y7 t( }/ \# k8 G( o2 w  O
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 f8 t7 I/ R8 f4 @================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
5 ?$ q( _9 W! q& v' X4 K* S, E2 psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
6 W5 B: s" V3 u- ?我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？