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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
# V3 ]/ }1 X" _1 L2 w5 KBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
5 U( V) \9 r. A9 W! c5 m. N% ]However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem) O( M6 p1 H% ?% V& k
Thanks a lot!!!
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) \5 V& @; ^9 @9 lFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
5 f! y, Q% H  x' D) b4 k  w              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us ! }# b( k; m: V2 |2 Y9 t0 h
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 5 j& f6 I" |$ N% u3 k- i( }
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me & V* H8 l' c% e, y; K
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind # `# D7 j7 x) h0 J0 K: B5 p6 _
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness # m. D7 O( b* i+ k" R
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday 6 m* k: I# i/ n8 X
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* h& E3 c( K5 N8 t4 d$ Z2 s6 o             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 E# K( `0 ^; U. i4 q& |9 L             somehow I lost myself inside again / C2 |$ ~6 r( |" t2 ]4 [
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ _" \; K: }. G. ]% @& w% Q- l             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion; t: ]8 \6 P+ t" Z( N( {: e( _
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................$ `. v: Q1 E  V
Basically, I almost finish this poem1 z! T7 M/ f6 l, d
               I am 一个人de精彩2 r* _$ s. j$ k! x
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
2 p# o1 L, [1 }$ Z1 \; h) a3 bBut........         9 f! Y8 I1 i# b8 J0 c
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”- X/ n+ s4 R: `1 a5 Z- L; ^

" F/ Z+ d+ M7 `+ }+ ]卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you . g6 ?3 q: ], s% T! J* b% [, H3 }
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
1 J' o- Y/ k/ q9 h( l) {Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world # y2 u2 J/ e% }. }; J1 [$ @
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   + H. k$ j8 `5 Y
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  v, l1 p( _4 U( D" CSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 7 ~) y+ f* ^+ Q: M/ D( W% d0 L
- n; O- V2 j) `+ T  D$ P. `
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* V0 P- U3 K; c% w3 Q( O- wSomehow I realized you were still in my heart - s9 x% v. k. S
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& f/ @3 d- Y' l2 wSomehow I lost myself inside it again
! r; L8 ~4 P- I1 q( Z9 D2 F! D- v- m- b7 n% t# A
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion5 Y' ^" U' d7 g0 a9 ~4 k; ^, S
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 D* q" i3 v  S8 C- b# cSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself* V; N+ l6 V% v. [; z, e, L
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ' J. w4 h: H1 ~$ h0 Q6 _& t
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday : a3 j9 R' d9 i# k5 ~4 }5 C

! B5 B& i" h. y% C* x5 }2 B4 S1 ksomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# ^% o% ~; W+ C" D( P$ a. {1 S=====================================================================
0 r2 w: d/ U* D& Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
& w- m5 ?3 P4 ]- O6 a  x! X" J) ?我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
理袁律师事务所
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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