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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
7 F" j+ l; h$ T- l7 N, ~: |) p8 x, cBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
7 V$ [  w7 C$ V0 r3 P( t7 HHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# b2 l5 f' `" GThanks a lot!!!* O: V8 V" \- p! g9 z! C! e6 Z

8 h+ _6 C4 k% Q! a# [
- G! J9 C* D/ K+ {# I$ F& h, x6 L+ F

' s# x$ y7 C  v
8 m/ O$ ?- w3 n
' Z( g, _: e$ \! c% k( O; V1 I. P' G) f, {# x7 w! g
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you ; z# {1 ^% [& f% p& `3 k6 W+ b- n
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us   @6 e* g. o& p" m# ^3 b6 a/ T4 O
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
4 |: ^9 k( z" M* ^              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 R/ ?2 o' [) w  p0 s- Q              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 R) L+ o& ?1 J' ?: D0 P              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 3 x7 [/ t5 t  R$ g: }
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday & h/ Q9 n* ?$ X+ b  [
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart : \0 M$ y, x  P- _7 g
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness8 k- M# C# J  a" {
             somehow I lost myself inside again 0 B% ]- \0 }: f, {# M1 p9 b$ U" U
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
; E9 S$ B5 b- y: A$ D# C* N/ x$ `7 B             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
# o5 U) s! F3 O& V; ZFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
6 z$ z) K. |8 U& i5 r: C$ D: F* oBasically, I almost finish this poem: j+ o  f% K2 @
               I am 一个人de精彩
2 q1 r* T! z" Z; D( C$ W               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.! X5 |% w7 {7 u7 ~3 p- V/ v
But........         ( D( X6 k7 Q# a) d  h/ i3 a9 N/ K# ^
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”/ m' U; }" V3 R/ ^7 P! B9 p5 S7 Y

% C7 _& T& s2 z卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?
" d9 g* k' P4 [  S( [' Z; _4 ^% U% M1 n0 p7 l4 i
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
: h, X# r. i' w, M- X) T3 nSomehow I'd find something wrong with us # {7 N3 w/ B, r
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 c. w6 s- }; d  n/ t: H0 [Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   " P) B8 X4 ?" j& m: Q" B
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind 3 X4 S8 I8 K1 |/ [! z9 p
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness   c4 Q' _$ x) ~

2 h# \  w: p& ?7 a# O3 ?Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday   O3 B6 ^5 D9 u
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart - {, `) Q" ?8 R1 }; u  B! S
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ p4 {7 D  L" ySomehow I lost myself inside it again 5 I1 z! R8 o. c0 R7 e$ I
* f+ G, T7 }. H' A: a* _
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion: j7 A( h3 }6 l4 Z! H; t. C8 o0 L
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
% }# \0 P5 y4 i) J0 ^* o3 [9 t- iSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; Z: M" C1 m4 ISomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, Y; p) u' W0 P================================================
% f  }+ R( Z, t% j6 L4 ~However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday ! T  m9 ]' q' Z) K3 v* q2 O

, V' N/ `$ Q" }! Q+ @: D" Nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness) a% ~: z( p3 g: R3 D
=====================================================================
4 ~. x# O- s9 M. ?& d% r5 S" Q% d- C2 bsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 . s1 W# f& T. J  }, i
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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