请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 K' |% ]2 B# @              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# U. V+ S3 j& N8 M( m              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
5 H: `4 ^  R( R$ d" k- @" c3 e6 s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
4 j- u9 h  e7 v, n) Q7 ^# gHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 [7 ^/ q  \- R1 p             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 A. ]0 g  |+ S0 c$ _# V9 Q             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" T' ^7 m! ]) v* j* PFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ f  B' i1 W6 c- s/ K7 O/ b               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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3 y8 e! Y6 K" y! d卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
4 A" o9 @: ^/ V" OSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
1 k$ Y/ X6 ?3 x2 U: H$ R3 SSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ u8 U# {( b/ N+ YSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
0 T, W6 r; k( [; j! ySomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
; A* W# [  M) c  Q. [# C' ?/ G8 P
: h$ [1 ]$ `" g* iSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 W5 X# ^& F; }. b. X" LSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
- [6 A7 N3 h5 ]  q# NSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 Y3 b' v1 t/ B7 Z( PSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
" T0 ]8 @9 s5 x* y) {; p/ ZSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  o+ h# B% ]7 L& R8 Z================================================
; h( P/ v0 t, S) n6 h1 T3 XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 h9 G4 b$ Y. I1 i7 H=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

& y" I+ m! n" i: q$ M# a: H哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？