请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
( W( g0 a4 A7 S: J* H3 IHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ j2 r+ b% A/ z' ~- }3 M4 lThanks a lot!!!

: \/ Y) V: X; U, [* L





Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
3 L7 e% Z3 r& \7 R              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  s+ k) J/ N2 s9 {8 {- H+ ?              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* E. h3 @7 i8 r9 e2 u$ ?  b             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- R5 N) X5 v) g. e0 ]! ]6 h4 G' nFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
% ~" F$ u6 n+ l3 w( d7 mBasically, I almost finish this poem
, `( u$ ]3 w* @2 b3 \2 U% @& I               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
  C' O: F% G4 Q. o! d. AIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
$ M5 M! B) ^8 q. \2 J
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
" K3 n$ r$ z. X

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
' ~( X  |: h1 ]* X8 {9 c4 gSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
7 u) l2 |6 P) @1 O; XSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 G7 S7 u% B3 Q+ L4 u) MSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

' r& F0 t& J# F1 X6 DSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; Y( ]. V4 s$ {, t% Y- uSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 Z' S8 o2 L0 B* D& ]% j' BSomehow I lost myself inside it again
) P3 D2 b8 m( J( r0 T
+ M5 [; X6 L- O: L0 N6 e+ vSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 N% K# q7 V. W3 W2 l' r0 pSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
, I$ M: G/ O' lSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 U% w. S( C  ~6 J6 T+ K- ASomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
  R5 |* O$ C9 R, w================================================
( o/ N6 V1 ]  E! s9 ~( o' M! vHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

. B' B" |* K# U8 U# ]somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) @& v# [* R, z=====================================================================
& z! `  v, S) o( `- rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 J1 ?6 z: ~0 C我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？