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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA5 T0 o# ~) M; d; D" ~; p
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and. t$ O) p* Z2 ]3 H
hospital.
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4 ~( |; v l- Z- N2 S! x 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
1 a9 J" M+ u/ U% X( ~4 Y4 |; }capital of Canada .6 {8 E6 ?5 N% S8 }" A v
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .0 x9 \( S& ?. Q
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug. L/ T& O+ M7 q5 D) @; P2 b' F
capital of Canada .) [7 H' V) w: d; ^
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
: w* O" L/ x8 z H$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.* b- T9 z* r) K, \' \% c- |0 x
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas7 P9 K6 w- V2 E+ l4 N, N
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come6 n! u( N p1 ]! C5 S7 M9 P
here sick.
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6 L( U" u3 u0 V0 ^ T( F11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 120 s% u$ `! r! D2 o
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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. P& b! \ e* z+ v/ U& { THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :0 x0 D( {9 ]4 F2 Q
0 U! D" U& p6 F' l4 o1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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4 A6 Y/ ~7 g/ D" Y: H+ W3 u2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
4 N0 I1 E9 o; Q2 T; zis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.+ L9 P& y t' \/ g
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its% n' A8 h& i J% w
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest: i; _) x p" c" h
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires) I/ o, p' }' R$ ?+ W- `1 I5 H
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell N, Y0 l i5 N8 z
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
8 Q; X5 H8 S! ]cussed out, and possibly shot.
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1 B7 o1 Q J* {" V5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that3 d% d* B* W6 f3 A1 G
can get you shot.
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: D B# O, G( ]! M5 n$ h6 [3 W& V |: x6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
5 g1 b$ [/ t! g' q9 D! qbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next5 V! Y- n- A, ~1 \0 U
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and1 P" Q3 q- {/ A. D' x
more construction starts everyday.0 N0 |6 S u4 M. S5 n
+ B5 i* c4 q; h 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,. ^; f; C$ V. I
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,! d! e% X7 g$ B" m. y% A* e9 [4 e1 |
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.. d. e' e/ i8 d
t. o7 k) R9 @ p$ ~+ | h3 V8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all+ }* v j& R( `" X" S" G- K
the same road.
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, ?4 w5 L+ U9 q6 {* b/ F9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
5 p: u4 y9 U+ ^0 Nshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally( u; V" `6 R( ]& }& m8 R
activated."
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9 o8 |: `; f( f0 u5 G+ V, P10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
d& y+ R+ m7 @zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"5 O2 Y& X) b: R: v: p; @
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.3 D( q, d2 Y+ ^9 e9 q8 f% \
! Z# b: w1 h! J. ]$ j11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
7 G& X+ O. b/ ?9 flined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
5 d& a% P- \5 u4 z- s) jblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is8 u& q* a0 A! Z
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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