Shejing's random sick joke #2

SheJing

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife would have a hard time being faithful while he was gone so he
decided to go to a sex shop to find something to entertain her.  As he
" [# @4 t4 c( F8 e" Ibrowsed through all the different toys the old man behind the counter asked
if he needed help.  He explained his situation and the old man said, "Well,
I don't really know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except... ahhh... never mind."

# E0 e: g0 [2 ^" T0 R    "Except what?" the man asked.
    "Nothing, nothing."
    "C'mon, tell me!"
    "Well, there is VooDoo Dick."
, X; D- s, J4 z% C& d' q: T    "What's VooDoo Dick?" the man replied.
    "It can't be described" said the old man, "it can only be witnessed."
6 p7 @3 P: j9 } So the old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
' P5 C5 }+ I" U$ a: Tordinary-looking black dildo.
. J. e- p1 J6 o2 `    The businessman laughed, and said, "That's it?"
$ x. y7 b, c5 x8 m! T
    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."  The old
man pointed to a door across the room and said, "VooDoo Dick, the door."
6 m, T/ B" R5 ~( j VooDoo Dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
7 F+ Y# w4 s& I: Y( B( w1 rscrewing the keyhole.  The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack
5 U  V  ^" F1 E% _) W7 Q2 p! Edeveloped down the middle.  Before the door could break, the old man said,
"VooDoo Dick, get back in your box!"   VooDoo dick stopped, floated back to
" i2 J& l7 K1 \0 `  H, M5 rthe box and lay there, quiet once again.
: y# u, _/ `4 |$ }4 O( H
! s' d% c3 [+ t/ \$ K' }) F    "I'll take it!" said the businessman.  The old man resisted, saying it
wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $1000 in cash.  The guy took
% s' E9 s$ ~, hit home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all
she had to do was say "VooDoo Dick, my pussy."  He left for his trip
/ v. s# D6 h' X9 `& G1 o4 ]satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
8 B! L. V8 O. v* ~& c
    After he'd been gone for a week, the wife was unbearably horny. She
, T# g  ^- ]/ T1 E% `thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she
% D! P$ q: H+ {9 ~* Bremembered VooDoo Dick.  She got it out laid down on the bed and said,
, E9 F: h) W: \. \, Z- ~"VooDoo Dick, my pussy!"    The VooDoo Dick shot to her crotch.  It was
/ ^1 d: @; h: u& ]great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.  After three orgasms, she
5 t! A. a: D5 {7 r9 m: P3 m' f# Edecided she'd had enough, and tried to stop it, but she couldn't, her
- h/ s' \0 m+ _, Z2 ~) ohusband had forgot to tell her how to stop it!

3 L% }" W8 u6 _8 i. i    She decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.  She tried
to get dressed as best as she could with a skirt and a top, but VooDoo Dick
, K; t2 `* j" F7 ?& S1 A- C; d" njust wouldn't stop and she had yet another orgasm, weakening her knees.
; d3 R- X' X! k# g$ v
    Finally she got her clothes on, made it to the car and started to drive
to the hospital.  On the way, another orgasm made her swerve into oncoming
$ f0 U  G# ]) ~+ ~! Wtraffic, then back to her side of the road, narrowly missing a car.  Next
5 }; p5 W! K" v4 u9 Qthing she knew there was a police car behind her with it's blue lights
9 x% a/ G7 a$ A) Iflashing. The police officer asked for her license, and wanted to know how
$ Y+ E: H0 }5 u' J- F# ?much she'd had to drink.    Gasping and twitching, she explained that she
hadn't been drinking and tried to explain the problem of VooDoo Dick.

6 p1 |% H5 ~# M# E2 G    The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yeah, right
lady, VooDoo Dick, my ass!"

newday

pfft pfft

weidsun

I like how Shejing tells jokes from personal experiences

周小花

笑了~顶~

raining

lol...

darkman

无语，楼主从哪里听来的这么多成人笑话？

亮甲店

ding...

sweetlele

笑了

taijiliangyi

顶吧，憋不住也笑了

tobyq

千斤顶