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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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( w' U6 Z. Q5 u- r6 ?1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'. P! T; H6 P# m
, L6 I$ R1 I4 a* s+ \0 }- @ k2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
; I7 ~+ q! k' k& Z' nhour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
8 }2 D+ X5 h$ p" amorning.5 F0 F. T1 |, {4 n
) P' R; x# `3 z: T6 _; n, w3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,9 H0 ~/ a* N, ~$ _& h4 O! X
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
' r+ m# T+ t0 ~/ C# @+ O0 {landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.( `7 Y7 C/ Z, T) Y1 W3 I( e4 [; ]+ o
/ h1 c1 R3 W% q6 C7 ?" t4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
) T+ L" g0 A O# x+ x Y; ?. {0 Xown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
\; ~2 X& X! B0 Q3 l' O. O A: Amuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires0 V6 m. ^8 m) B9 @+ e$ p ]& L, y
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
# G+ ^' [9 K V+ Hphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way." u7 H$ N. V" m& t& y1 c0 a/ K
) a2 K- q2 _& U8 n9 ]( c# n5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
) N/ F* A7 {3 w6 K' z/ ]4 Jcussed out, and possibly shot.
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" o) E2 ^% K; u; o6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
1 L9 j5 }6 I0 C' z6 h+ yget you shot.
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. L% |" Y, c' }0 \; D0 s, _8 `7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that) v" }, ?( n6 X) |9 a" H
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at" p, A2 k# v8 u- R
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot7 u8 Y: R, n, f2 {. x
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first* n, [8 ?' p! N! y; k" ]
vehicle through the intersection.
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4 ?9 l; g; D( \7 D8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour
4 v/ y& H. n) c# x7 x0 V7 Pbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next0 y& G1 V- I$ @. t1 I$ d9 h
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and" H# r' {7 I3 u) i
more construction starts everyday.
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: F" j) I; h! V. D: d$ |9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,4 t! Y% c+ E$ ~
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
8 ^# ^& [+ \' {5 Ksquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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1 f! ^% Y$ T. Z9 \$ Y E, X0 Q10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
- V) J. @3 X4 Y$ H5 Droad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye7 P0 v. n1 f1 E5 o5 [7 B
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
- Y' G4 @( H: S+ U66 Street are also the same road; got it?, O$ T2 Q- d$ R/ \, i1 s- E- }
( b1 U) n0 ?+ u11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
/ a4 Z" M! U: lshoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally5 Y y4 z' {- \
Activated.'
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12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,5 M# Q' x9 b: L' ?) V( {; H
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'/ }: W4 R$ m8 p G$ O# |7 o2 d
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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! m$ Y% D: ]5 {! q13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur+ e' r2 D! h5 O
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
7 m7 z4 K; E9 j: M; \1 Q5 _% ablankets in the vehicle. |
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