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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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1 _" @" S7 X, S6 ~1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2 k% b! V) B* a( u' d- p# T. O2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush6 k% f, v l9 H; Y) |6 [9 R
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday/ r& j! Z' B& @( n3 W
morning.
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3 T8 J `: ^7 X$ |3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
& g, \+ p; S' w( eyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a. ^: ~, H0 q6 ]/ H- ?
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
; z$ ^# T! G4 u: D3 B1 ^# Zown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest) e3 v' W, `9 E$ J# u% t
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires; l0 G% H! ]& Q" g; G
go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell l# w0 ?/ G0 z7 O2 o% r u8 y3 X/ ^
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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1 r: Y- o3 u6 F" \( W w5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
3 N8 L9 X' H& ]% j ]6 Fcussed out, and possibly shot.6 P% f# b" q, i4 t
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
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0 b( C6 \. S: s7 z' t! q! x7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
4 H3 j6 Z, j8 y4 M. m& Y1 |7 Z+ ?; J+ ^has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
5 v1 F. Y7 X% R3 N3 {9 E! u4 v3 ~7 Gthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot2 V6 I& J% v2 Y5 r( C* f
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
1 D% {! ]. `( s9 D' H. c9 j# Jvehicle through the intersection.
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9 w7 H9 x) v& Q% [1 |2 H$ P0 m8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour8 ~& n& n d% U, A3 \
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next7 e- N$ N7 C9 L& b- z) i6 q
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
8 @7 O+ P$ [4 w# Amore construction starts everyday.
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9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,
5 `. W$ A/ d. Tdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,$ k% ~; S8 `3 X: r/ _# ]: Y9 `
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same9 {1 j' h/ ^& P: V5 B: G ?- Q
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye
/ u- \, Y% U/ M6 Z$ BRoad are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and; O. c4 z9 [# k j, k+ e
66 Street are also the same road; got it?6 I; z& s9 X4 l6 k* S
( r3 G% @# y, T, Q; Y4 F0 d, D11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the j6 x; M9 @' q( _! c
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
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6 m5 q" ~- ^5 \; W0 q. k12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
$ r8 o; ^) t" Q. Y. G( q% oyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'' D4 U8 Q6 e& ~5 U( t* X
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.8 s4 y* }1 w1 q) t3 L, V4 E! G/ t
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
* u- i% s- d' k1 W/ m- mlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and& f5 L, Y3 [( K! W2 v
blankets in the vehicle. |
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