Crazy English! Zt

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Crazy English!
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8 u# d/ r0 D5 d, {4 K' j: sWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
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* j. Q6 ~1 p. w* J7 c5 @  mOne fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
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/ D! i1 e" B6 XYou may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
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! K# h& O1 D( A' G- cIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
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If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?

# M$ X: L$ i  M9 PIf one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?

' H9 h4 i6 v: S; G8 lThen one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
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We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

& s9 f1 U0 \/ b9 `# ~9 l9 kThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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7 Z* U6 A% J, s- N& y/ ]Let's face it, English is a crazy language!

1 k- |. V, m3 C. K7 s' bThere is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
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! ?) r3 n" B/ v' U9 ^6 s( q- ZAnd why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
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4 [6 E! g9 W0 d0 _; {9 KIf you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
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  P- q- ^% z5 hIf teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

% z; U, x( [* Q4 ^0 _- a7 ?! `In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
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8 ~. p1 i; H( g9 [; X- i5 GYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
! M$ }# [; i- }8 L2 i5 Q8 \House burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!
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Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane