Crazy English! Zt

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Crazy English!
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' y% K6 w2 H# P8 q, w% m* l  ~3 oWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
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& J# p; T( C6 Y& v/ D- d) p8 p& X+ lOne fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

- ]/ Z6 J# }$ W- R: iYou may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
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If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

' }) D# [3 ^8 uIf I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?

2 ]: U7 X* ^, v8 eThen one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
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+ G$ Y$ ?' D6 z$ u7 z% CWe speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
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- F. L0 F+ m. R/ YThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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! H  z; M( E6 e2 z5 vLet's face it, English is a crazy language!
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There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.

* M+ V+ H" V  L3 lAnd why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?

( S0 G# K! g9 W. i" C9 x6 d9 [2 NDoesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

: s9 z4 s2 U' A% YIf a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

  i1 F! b: H3 _  q8 p+ wIn what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
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Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

, ~' X9 Q* c' v/ [0 JHave noses that run and feet that smell?

& i8 N4 t7 K& z6 G  UHow can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

5 m8 Q4 J# R! q- J. g  q: DYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
House burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!

+ F2 |& e/ i0 {2 _Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane