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ZT
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Crazy English!
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8 u# d/ r0 D5 d, {4 K' j: sWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
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* j. Q6 ~1 p. w* J7 c5 @ mOne fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
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/ D! i1 e" B6 XYou may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
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! K# h& O1 D( A' G- cIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
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If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?/ l/ h& R+ _1 ~! v3 T
# M$ X: L$ i M9 PIf one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?4 w8 r1 f- y1 E. j( p5 y
' H9 h4 i6 v: S; G8 lThen one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
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We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.6 ~: ~& Q* G! q) G. ~1 D( R2 ^
& s9 f1 U0 \/ b9 `# ~9 l9 kThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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7 Z* U6 A% J, s- N& y/ ]Let's face it, English is a crazy language!! a' E* e# f. d# G# J+ w; ~7 V
1 k- |. V, m3 C. K7 s' bThere is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
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! ?) r3 n" B/ v' U9 ^6 s( q- ZAnd why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?& ?6 b3 V2 Q2 X# a' J
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Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
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4 [6 E! g9 W0 d0 _; {9 KIf you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
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P- q- ^% z5 hIf teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?3 p7 J( n& N; y% ^0 }
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If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?1 }' {/ E3 F" d( O2 m+ q1 ~
% z; U, x( [* Q4 ^0 _- a7 ?! `In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?6 v7 f5 J. h& y# Z
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Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? T( e0 `9 o5 }% G
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Have noses that run and feet that smell?! P8 v; i4 }9 H9 ?. l
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How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
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8 ~. p1 i; H( g9 [; X- i5 GYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
! M$ }# [; i- }8 L2 i5 Q8 \House burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!
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Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane |
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