我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

I fell in love with you
; B$ z5 B& B; w, p; O$ NAt the first week we met

) k2 r8 a4 H9 K/ bYou have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
As spotting sky at a summer night
* R, p7 W" _& ?7 v5 l+ @7 u* pThey are shining stars
8 N/ e9 u  }/ |7 K- ~+ l' K' ?) L0 e
Your lip is so big
5 Y* Y( _2 J$ E8 z+ Q: \And that’s good for a kiss
; D4 ?6 |" C: t5 fYour body is chubby
And that is good for sex

9 x& X6 D/ X% p9 y; u" J& v. ]I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
8 J/ H8 w5 N0 E$ O$ m( \" iYou blame me everything and everyday
" z  \# |* b# o, ^6 v9 HAnd I think all girls sound like

: R  e8 X3 d& M; A! NYou could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
& z% d$ I/ g3 h9 b2 IEating with sound is a pig
' y# i  A3 E% [% J2 v2 p1 U
7 @7 y$ [; n9 u  X. ~$ \I fell in love with you
+ d! M4 V, W, P) L- l' k6 nBecome a fool to think
3 P- ~" A+ z: ^0 ^" x! qAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

2 \1 m+ c/ T6 O' }2 g' e) eyou are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
3 w& }% M. U) l$ @& B  L$ r  h"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'
* Q- u3 d% a  }7 \, s* y% p
You are loving me
or that one in your mind?
+ f4 P8 x. s) x! f; zMy mind is like a mud
can be shaped whatever you want

( J' G/ n* a1 @* Qunfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
3 A2 v& y# @8 N0 h6 i1 {( g( R* sand I am seriously hurt
# z+ x! e1 V( r! r
. w+ [7 \. r$ X0 XI will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
, N0 ^7 g* X- ]- ^my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

4 e/ l! U1 }% \  L- e2 i) n$ ^
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

% p7 c: A7 q% rwith the charm,
% t/ I  U$ |- F4 |, ?with the simles.
" u- u- }: k$ ]" S% [% j+ TI fell in love with you
In the first sign.
As spotting sky at a summer
$ `" q( t3 F/ C% f7 I6 ]3 s
" t8 A1 ^& s+ q: y% fYour lip is so soft
; d7 n' f* u, [+ N* {6 I& Mthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

# t! I7 y6 a: v4 [& XI am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
( a1 B6 t: F( `' M( Z0 Ialthough You r so picky for me
+ ]  m% I. g  E, N' ~( D1 }+ ~* X6 ZAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


; C- s. X$ M. S& \) DHis hello is the end of her endings
, X# s/ ~; i- gHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
' u. {) p$ n1 z0 IHis hand would be hers to hold forever
% o0 k. O4 Z& d0 j* N- c* UHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
, Q  V9 n" q% S5 v: }( t. c5 ~+ K
! ~, Q) _% P6 HBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
& T9 P- L- a4 P( O. L
It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
1 N- V4 T! ?$ ]9 A: h" q5 Y9 a- qMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
! p# C* O& N' J8 [) ?5 N2 WHoly Jesus, you were so cute
; V! D- p1 C0 v
( [6 w- t- a) p9 L5 k$ i9 W# T. U9 ?You left me without a word
; E: L8 f; b+ B9 M# @5 |I have nothing except my emptiness
1 h5 D5 o+ a& [0 c! G$ \My mood is like a cloud
! }7 C( m( S& R8 ]& W7 `0 E: G, WHow could it be dispersed?

Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
" W9 K/ w& M% PIn the depth of my soul
! H! |! k; D0 x8 ~I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
+ V1 [* K7 i, E你让我心跳好快
# [4 ~, m. M, ~! `% z7 i( K6 F% v6 y你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
+ T2 B6 ~+ h9 U* {. u8 mXXXXX
  _, B! l7 [. d6 Y! m不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
9 Y2 b% h5 w" u2 ?
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
5 T, ~) i3 G8 F& L" ~& f- {至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
! }) I3 q+ I6 Q2 W% x' r# \你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
+ @- f! j' S' `! n# }你让我心跳好快
- _4 j* y0 i' ?& T2 h1 M' i你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
( x/ Y$ M; C) x8 FXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

3 e# z. ^1 H( A$ K4 ~. d/ G7 U
1 S( {& t/ Y3 L2 K$ Z靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。