Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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0 X. j3 @/ J. r2 I/ gCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 }" P0 k+ a  \2 G. J9 C8 B$ {; JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
* F+ n; @* a5 w  v6 {' yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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  L' R1 Y9 W$ j% ]" R7 S" ?  `8 `VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

7 w) o3 y8 d/ V$ Z/ YP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

" y6 [; ~3 p$ _BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

' a0 P7 R  |2 B) _" C2 |- y1 DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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! m( o- o. ^8 q0 P' l0 ~& ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

: ^( m: o" `* ^1 B- v7 D) Q5 h' t$ QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

2 k2 F0 s% P0 K2 |) {$ }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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6 S0 j6 w7 m( l9 D                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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3 C6 \. H# F# L' E8 NPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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4 O' F( P; D. t0 u6 Q+ t9 |& |                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵