Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( p% V# _2 M& |CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
' [- \( \! J$ i/ MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
2 W( c" u. \& B* |) e3 y# A' oBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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" f. w0 j2 V- N! jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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; W5 t% R9 r  q1 @' V& @" vCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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7 l" I! ?0 S9 U& jWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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: g/ g. B: \: \6 w6 h* P) {8 }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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5 k7 v* r( x: ?$ C# b6 CIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
8 a2 Z$ _% |! W8 w  I: d; Y- QWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
+ f! E! M  x8 o! m% d. kWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% e( H% D4 h* ]' aBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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8 b: L: x% I' }% q: G! nWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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7 I$ _7 b. W: B  b                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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# [7 v% \" Z. {% Y1 {& XPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
0 H# w. }0 ~0 A* E* T: ^( G) s) ]                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵