Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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7 n/ c7 B$ B9 _' }CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

: _6 O9 W3 N! y+ }BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- Q" ?4 A6 j  y2 P- w2 zBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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0 _, N7 b$ P, p% O% o! B; D( r* p8 z; T3 aVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; J; Z3 t0 `& c; GBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

6 s- E# W( c" o! Q% {+ ESTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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; D9 o9 ?. f9 uFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

, ?! t6 x. @; W3 u( NMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ D9 s9 [1 v& `. ~) A: S8 c) ?YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

0 N7 |' ]1 }9 z7 e+ qINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 g- E+ w, p2 [5 g9 o+ `With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" \0 Y7 o, l2 @5 X: ]2 aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: s5 `% N# v% Q. K& y7 rBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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$ |3 x/ ~% |: _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵