Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ g% Q. p5 U) s" T, |# g$ MCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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/ P4 K5 D" W4 g" hVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  u1 h" j* K* k+ f$ ?5 b- YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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& `- X4 C6 p* }1 MSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( y6 K' z3 F' X5 Q8 S+ PFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

0 M1 l3 p. w  y# ~4 rMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 O: Q% j2 [( RCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% J& r1 x5 b% I. WWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
" P" i5 W7 R2 Y- [7 XBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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) d; ~5 M9 Z: }( E' y; EWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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' R" a  X$ j% p4 v: C7 j                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 A* f0 v/ |4 X/ w' k/ K6 rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵