Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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2 J- q; a* d& gCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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2 [6 _+ B! |- `3 F' zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

% P9 p, d4 A8 a! LBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

3 n& H5 V; ?% vSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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1 y) N2 T! Z5 D9 z2 ?" |  }/ f5 vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

/ D2 _! Z' p' [  cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

! Z' ?+ }% @( a6 b6 v$ tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

; f0 i( h, M* e( ^9 fINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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! A2 V3 N# m, D6 N# v3 N% oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ [7 E- w1 f( k, _$ `2 N* EWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. u& h& y+ H7 D3 i( fBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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% h: v1 O1 ?3 d4 I5 ~                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
( f1 C) m& A& g+ O  V  p1 G                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵