Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
: X: u% T! k) c2 e8 ?8 k  hCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- N, Y  p1 D: `0 _( e7 @  |P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

( P' u% x) x  [, r+ n9 y" bSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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3 k2 H( K+ }# F, j1 b, j( hWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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4 U/ |* E9 u! W5 oIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" M5 V/ b' w5 E; v( VWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, Y. R0 _9 ?! p* h/ m1 YBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
. A! l0 {! n9 A( t3 o; X. A3 _Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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8 T( W6 B( o: a5 ^# l  KWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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; n, Z! l, |5 A9 R& n+ T, x                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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# p, v" S5 l, H8 m( U8 Z) uPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; {: T8 b; i: T+ R                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵