Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

! n* r7 O( d6 `4 h. V/ b( B9 dCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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% F) i: J; i3 E8 KVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- L" n/ H' D: R3 r6 ?7 zP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

1 {2 M  v  Y) f/ G" b0 p* b0 [BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

0 \- L5 b+ D! T9 _: R. b+ k; vSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 v* Z- b8 ?9 N) _( A& ^STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

7 F8 P9 K( E3 n* @7 fSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

" q# `' u  v# T5 rFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

* x- ]  c3 j' l3 L  M8 x8 TWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

. G5 \7 I7 n* m! D- sINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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& M2 l0 q. `& i# f+ jPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' p% a8 Q6 O) _* a( B0 tWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% u* M. ], S' @/ u3 yBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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: I) f3 h  z. x1 u, nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
! F9 H) O( g; U/ F: o" V; i; ?                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵