Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
4 l8 L. Y) X7 {5 i4 f0 t# c: @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 _. Y3 W9 r- \9 S# O6 n) \BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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! E) i7 m. w* r# z7 I0 MP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

0 h. R$ ~0 O6 E% BBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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* n) V9 v) Q* wSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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2 d# e& J" |; MSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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! S5 j) i: ^% q9 M! UFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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8 U0 U& m" \; o+ ^; aCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

, T& X( b; b' E# I$ aWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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& J7 p! M6 F& H: H5 }2 W+ rIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
8 X( v2 i0 R9 M3 ~4 m1 A1 UWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* |+ M: }3 u1 ^9 q$ w9 bBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
; X' ^: V" z3 o& f9 O/ q, IBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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' B* P- _  M* P1 a3 B/ T4 Z! TWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵