Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ C$ u# Q9 r$ fCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

# r7 ^5 C% B6 W$ l9 k1 JBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 \# ]) P7 \( r+ o2 oVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- J$ N; w7 r, c1 EP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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5 N. o5 F8 H3 M2 a7 OBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! h0 m) @" Y: y% VSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

9 r$ ~( O8 d6 M4 J7 R2 RFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 [! J) i: e: R9 B# D' Q( ?CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

1 X! Q( \4 d) c. nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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( m/ f9 m6 @) ]* h  lPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
0 F. n. ~. F; S  s2 KWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 z7 r0 H! ~% S2 H+ J+ nWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
$ [# X8 G) K/ Y" G. JBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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& N! T4 P' V, E% sWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

8 f5 s9 o. ~2 u( Z9 o; w# ], A                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
* e: s# x+ E% F7 ^! |1 _3 r5 {* W                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵