weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
7 M6 ]( m8 l! p( f& ^, k3 c4 rflock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
5 c4 ^' U" Z9 N, p# Qpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

* o) E$ [( b, ^+ J  aThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
# R% {/ x& C& ], XGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
! a. F0 ^# z% e0 V+ Vand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
2 Y* v% ^+ B) t! r: n  ]Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
9 N5 g0 q5 y: Aa 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
' _' @- d, x% K# d, L
/ e* U2 ?9 w9 r0 G"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
6 y, Q; `. ~5 |. O/ G
; [/ ~/ [/ G3 H  }9 YHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"
, l1 P; d) h% H. C( k
4 C3 N$ z6 J& z, Y  |6 q5 v' b"OK, why not" answered the young man.

"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
3 T/ [" S  }' J% {question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
1 g' z4 L2 Y) C8 mme back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
8 S* n2 c8 M% o+ Y  [2 c/ P" R+ F" A& fundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
8 R( J& l$ l0 Y& y, }) ]# G: Smoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
9 i# P! r) l  x' i- Y# }4 S" Cwas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
& ?8 a4 I3 D3 v. Jinto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
' j5 g0 p& _- P. c9 gher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
& U$ J! p/ V% Z: u  ~open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
7 F/ S# n1 I& i1 k: ^4 _bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
4 u* C+ q/ {  \; B, G" D2 S8 u. ^Nurses are known to be hot to trot".

The second man married a telephone operator.
* P" y* Q2 z; b; D$ X9 V
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
0 W7 i3 C1 e2 i  F) Z$ ^: dTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?

" c4 q8 n: F% V4 T+ rThe third man married a school teacher.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
4 @& M4 r5 Z3 M. h0 l1 Lbut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
& A( F, O# e- I' H. z: @would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
/ z6 W- o- i, ~5 f$ B& bnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

5 P0 Q) O, M) x0 ?, ^' r8 |The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
% E$ x& [  h. e' _was her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
: Y. e8 h; m/ m( T& @5 z: @0 e/ F* k
* z( T) M7 c* J* eAt 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

- {# _  e/ M/ s0 JThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
+ \2 p8 J( W7 X3 j1 N: `as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
0 J9 B% j' |( j) n: S
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
$ i# W2 X/ r4 a0 W" n6 ]& Xtheir voices."

The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
) R  M5 E1 T' @7 uheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."

Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
$ w3 @) l# J+ o1 }; }6 z$ N5 R$ jcalling any minute.
+ k2 m! a, t+ A* N, M  f
+ m+ b" w' t0 LFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
2 S: Y" K: Z5 V# f" c
* t/ p: P3 T  f- [7 qDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
( R! x3 Q( \2 {4 o. m/ nman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
0 J  P; S+ J3 H! S  ^3 t9 ?legs.
7 Y7 d  K# T. s; X7 A' n/ Y
, A1 [0 ^; K7 f$ \; ?" r6 C: RJoe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
* E: s9 D+ q% \4 h' l
) M8 G: J! z, x  H* |2 a/ V& ?The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
+ {: `" F- ]. v/ Q6 Nare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing