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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
: |: Q0 A, c  ]" t5 d1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   7 C* ^! U( V7 h9 `$ L* o
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. ( P( ~! I" L1 n# F) [% H9 m0 U
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
" l# C$ ^- y6 p2 e9 A" u4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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8 _/ ^' Q+ a, e3 J- iSick Days:
+ @9 t/ e4 L8 ^8 jWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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3 l5 J/ l) {, G) rPersonal Days:
& D- g8 }3 F% f- YEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
# T1 a, E1 N: G! X7 ~1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
  P& L% u2 C. v2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
- h& z8 ?. l" n9 z: f3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   3 A% d5 b* n3 j! s
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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Bathroom Breaks: & R9 t& o7 D4 C! v, m8 [
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
1 I8 y# b" h$ B) p+ q- Y2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
8 ]. ^1 H8 m' m) K3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   5 |* H5 n2 \3 m* A/ X
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
- c" g/ d/ N' |* ^1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 0 H4 v' g1 X) I0 n' K( u
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
# I8 m6 B  a. A  @1 t) \7 O3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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( ~4 D" c$ A, T8 a3 G# EThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. # W$ _6 f3 A) f  ]. G

- d" ^( `1 V# T- ~- y; o" `% }The Management
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5 s6 O! N5 J0 l" Q2 C( S' QPass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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