办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
" p2 y1 M3 x9 O! d8 a" S0 d1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
& d* |% |5 i- O" h) k  B  P2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
" i4 T1 Z' |. ^, I4 O& J/ F4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

! _: C4 X3 b  z9 SPersonal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

6 l' h& j$ ?, y& F7 ?, [Bereavement Leave:
6 _7 X0 ~1 t0 L0 M4 e$ j5 h4 ]1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
6 r3 z1 w5 b# o# b$ _2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
6 ~  k. X+ s3 W: |. }+ ], x  L4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
! F# q: Q" o) q
Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
: Z  Z" W% _2 }: e2 I2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
, w) p2 a# @# ?0 [; ?4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

+ Y9 S5 }4 T: J3 p% j; a- ~Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
$ j! Y8 b/ U) G2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

! m5 ~3 y) u/ x+ RPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.