办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
( l# n. w4 Q# h0 R9 P7 X1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
. l& e4 m6 r4 q& P" X% KWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
9 V  J- Y5 w: {+ CEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
( Q1 |4 D9 K# ]% D9 d( b
Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
9 y* E, h, S4 h0 m4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
- j$ x$ h9 G) `2 p8 n# U6 ^; U6 Z1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
1 a5 x; `3 F& J% @' z* g/ P$ L3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
. W9 K* d5 a/ c! C  H2 L  |% }/ _4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
" }( F! K6 r  @* u9 k- R1 v+ g
The Management
/ E8 N8 @; }4 n
% w8 L! R9 j4 ?Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.