 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
Dress Code:
8 y$ A [1 Q& l! i y5 j" h1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
# D5 o! R* Q: d. ]2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. * ^8 J _7 u* u: s
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
$ y% t! T5 z3 y- ]- _$ W; g! e4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. $ R4 F1 H( p2 ]" [. D' P/ g7 w
( x( N! U' g3 Q T8 J5 K+ @
Sick Days: 7 i. g* V) `9 a: S# n2 G
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 2 y' ?( Y" C* O5 H" j
& i3 v; F8 ]9 {/ x. vPersonal Days:
* w v8 u) E/ HEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
' I( L5 y5 R" q+ T6 `( L, u7 J
" B6 Z% W% c& w CBereavement Leave: / n' n7 W- V8 M# g5 \
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. . I5 M( _# {* @, s8 C8 P/ S
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
8 R2 g6 q: a' V$ H3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. 7 U% |1 t" m L2 `! U
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
2 Q/ Y$ `0 l$ Z" A& _: [0 l
$ X, {/ s* |: ~, f% ~- uBathroom Breaks:
2 a+ @7 ~$ A2 ]! Q; Q$ z' X2 P1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
+ ~* T# D6 t5 L! A( S: d2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
% d7 b) _3 i/ ^3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4 f! `" o9 G4 D( H4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
4 b, W3 w/ y# ?4 ~. Y r) C# Y5 b a
; n3 z4 h" h' | P4 l" VLunch Break: * [& S1 Q) n$ w+ n# D# g
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 9 U1 [6 A/ ~1 J8 m7 `
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
1 \ [# e+ Z& B0 `; P3 J: \3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 9 \* d0 A1 E( u; ]0 u. L
* `2 h* z; ]9 k8 f
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
* S9 d0 T2 C/ ^' S0 o+ g# c0 Y. M. Q, @
$ R& }4 l' f, m, {4 U9 |5 t+ d2 X* v$ SThe Management
3 ]8 S8 v$ c) G2 e5 J7 e6 d
; L7 R. d+ E7 \* e, Z& a1 iPass this on to all who are employed. |
|