Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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4 R% |) j5 X9 a> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
4 O& s1 f" ^# A> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 b1 q9 X  C5 S# E+ W>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
5 |4 Q% ~# `) c! i> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
3 \: N4 z5 M# T% i6 N> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
% B* T0 w5 v; T1 k, E> > > >Which one is married?"
; [9 f8 w% v' v) F  K% F+ v  a> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
# b# k/ [% c0 j( Z> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
7 U! P' w' p! l7 N2 P> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
  r& Z+ ]; ]+ X  x! ^8 i, V7 t# C* Z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 L% X: C0 W$ V. T; W# \5 s> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
/ U+ W; B# ^( f/ `1 P> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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" z5 O6 a( P$ o% u& n% U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
5 N# H- h& t4 m/ l0 v1 `> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: y+ c8 f; O) J6 y> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ ^' o) p$ K' s! Z  f7 N7 Z> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
+ E5 P/ U# X' J# t" V6 n> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
, w. r8 L& _" Q/ ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
( o& B. ]) P/ m; g> > > >piss!!"
! R# |7 f' g- g# O9 `: s% B0 `> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
- N- W% c9 U1 }/ y3 q% M- ?> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; {$ X1 U' {# i3 Z2 T) x: K> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
1 u8 Y; p' N6 R3 h0 q7 K> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
) M( W6 I! z$ {  Q# t8 Z) Z: A6 w> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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9 N" o; O; m/ m+ l/ l. S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
2 }6 ?5 i. J3 v& H0 _0 \6 t! ]> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
$ i: M% T! I' P  d( Y% p- N6 Y* v> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
. i& F0 b( G. l6 P> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
7 J0 \% ~' T$ t) O3 V> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
) J, f: S6 T$ e  e> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
+ g6 E- z* I0 j3 O$ x6 i; E' j) t6 ^> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
6 y6 m5 z( t: b8 f& ~> > > >called on little TONY.
# E0 }& A: p* @; O/ F+ p9 }> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 u- k( O  Y3 O8 q> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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; u( d" ]) I4 z3 \6 k" [) z; u> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 m# \1 K' T3 w> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
, Q" m+ ^9 y" j2 R% Q3 L6 f4 L> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business