Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ a/ E, y+ e9 b> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
  C- s# B5 [3 t: [# V) Q, j* o> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
* z; u+ g* [: N4 g2 {> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
7 [' ?$ k4 s5 b9 K/ z: e% K>thinking."
3 |3 }! {1 h) o. m+ ^% B0 ~> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
4 b! l, w% N0 G+ j8 O6 n2 A5 h- x> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
" X$ `& ?( p( U8 D>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
8 }+ P' l" }7 _9 c; d2 z> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
  W% y9 F9 P* n$ v2 N> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
3 c( b. Z/ W- j/ X> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
6 n9 d0 r2 ]1 ]. ~> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
# }, L2 y+ v8 s> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
6 J3 K) `/ \( C! d> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
% V2 `( y3 {7 t; S, ]> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
( J5 d8 d) I' b! p$ C% G$ n> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& [6 o1 U+ q4 P9 J> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
# B" Y! r9 W$ r9 d> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
7 m& |8 B4 l# y> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
1 [$ z2 @3 b$ W) V- h# w> > > >
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8 U0 S- z, a! @: Y1 g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
% r" N+ D9 s! D0 M> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
8 \4 l1 P: V: M1 w6 u> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
0 I- H% N$ Y" d9 |. Y> > > >piss!!"
4 c( l$ m7 J: l2 S4 ?: Q> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
6 B: S5 L; o/ p# z> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
& W  M+ z. ]* A- Q> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
/ `0 V, d; {. z6 S' t> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
/ k9 {1 j/ s$ v; M, r/ u- z> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
4 W1 X8 q! @8 k: D> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
! {( o4 u% R: n> > > >beautifully."
0 u8 i5 K( J6 a4 |+ l5 l> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
1 L; n' P* M3 ?7 D/ D- B> > > >called on little TONY.
5 C& w, G) d. g- y> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
% @- t% G2 a, M8 u# L3 |> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
* E0 ^/ k7 A$ T/ ^> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
* [7 e  L2 m; x+ s# o> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
5 K& K* @# v8 g$ K# Y2 S5 w' z% e# L> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business