Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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- \; W* R% ]5 R; f% I! M+ |> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
( F& {* A- L* N' s" h# |9 N+ Y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
5 x0 o. M/ n6 B4 o> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
& x8 n- C7 ]. v4 ?5 H; Z! s* y>thinking."
' N% C% t% W  e. p. l> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
( k2 Z7 F  Z6 `/ T9 {2 Q& C: b> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
) S' e2 `) b: Q8 c>cream.
! c& S7 \. X+ P' T! M) v+ k> > > >Which one is married?"
, K/ k9 K5 ]/ ]9 v) i- j> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
: D, I( j# W# [0 p$ ~: \> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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# b' ]( e  O& ?8 ~5 X* U& U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
  `% K. F: W" ]7 C4 h> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
; r6 y' v7 Q- ?- @  _3 K0 s1 k> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ \, i6 @$ R* g; _0 |- C> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 }6 V+ S( ]0 _: |% j, a9 [> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
  I/ z/ _/ k9 o( ~; e> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
" i1 k5 e3 p7 @' z( i> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
/ u: w0 F  H: w0 l* k- g> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
% S0 R) M  |# S6 ?1 |  y> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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* w! }4 k+ @  k6 a: X8 b6 _* `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
7 a7 \0 r; T- _1 l5 _> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 Q* f9 X5 r* x( H> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
. ]/ q, v4 A) P( Z$ _. |% u# s" g2 Y' `, i> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
& i. p8 N9 `. z4 m  I; ~0 B' |# @> > > >
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! R+ u& d3 x; V4 B* u* }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
  a6 o( Y! U/ P& k7 d8 Z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
0 t; S6 y' A% c2 P> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
# L9 `/ t2 E3 J1 a> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 S+ u2 {- d. L> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
3 [6 P5 j* @4 W> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 a- f) Y5 K; J+ ~* G( D; ^> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
  Y* L, ?$ t0 O1 y# h> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
! {$ Y$ X+ a  a- U: e' _3 U+ Y% z> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
) A5 Q% ^; n9 S+ A> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
% F! g$ E# I, ~2 {& G> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business