Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 T; }0 k( j' P! M> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
5 a1 _) \& a7 d/ K9 U* s> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
/ @1 u  n& u5 E$ O>thinking."
, A2 j8 N. z7 C9 @> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, ?6 }! K- A+ O$ d8 x* l> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% o, s6 A" k" X. w/ N: Q0 C; I> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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0 L! f& V) h) \; Q9 i> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
0 Y9 S7 Z+ u; L! R> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 J: _$ ^( Z* b- }> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
% A! B, x4 D2 q, T" q> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
& N, t% _! @4 j+ _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
4 B" |! J  M2 A% e> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
8 a% N) Y4 Z6 T+ j. P> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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' R. @: d' g* _; X" ~. S0 S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
! c4 V. d2 t- `0 @> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 b; U3 ~8 e! u- y+ L> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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0 q4 k0 X$ ~* w) B* @4 D( \- X+ W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
  [- V1 h9 S. }- m' t> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
% [7 M& S3 J9 q7 O> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
8 [1 @. b5 \2 w7 ?& c& U( l> > > >piss!!"
; D, l, @1 u) k$ b+ L> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
4 K" l8 O, u7 z, W; i  s> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
: j3 O' ~4 v0 K4 z/ P1 c9 }$ s> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
2 j& I, |8 G0 |6 g# f> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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  O. P4 Y8 s8 p0 t+ e: J6 H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
. h- d8 v* R4 X7 f) q) j, a5 a( e> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 X6 v6 b& ^5 W: B5 A> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' H* R- @; _! X' C1 k> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
9 q$ ?( d  _3 R- |  t> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
9 {! T3 B; r7 g7 Z) r> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
) k" V2 @: r7 i1 z  ~> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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* c6 w) T7 T1 ^, e1 N> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
/ n& u* }2 N4 W# h+ o> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
: \$ [% I1 O% T+ Y2 F+ h> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" Z2 Y4 z( Y; P  j> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
+ P: i( u& H8 O+ |> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business