Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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( E3 m! v. ~+ g! Q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
7 s; B, q4 u  D8 l> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
0 t" a. d/ `  Y2 h7 ?! G6 u. b> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
2 F) i( x+ t: o% S/ D1 Z- r# X> > > >Which one is married?"
+ R  T1 R) i, i2 c> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
9 t$ n2 n" `5 q$ u# V> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
6 d% z1 ]; q7 l! Y8 j# x& a> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
( @/ I- N( M0 D( d> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
( T* d; J' c2 J) x  E  }% W5 C4 \* m> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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% p( _' W  ~4 q7 O> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
4 \# D8 f* H& G> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
; D6 e' t* j' \# ]+ D> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
9 O$ M4 Z" A( `& u- w> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
5 h* y- B  s/ }> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
# S- k- _2 H: _* r3 \> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
0 f8 {. L, v' f! i/ V0 \> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
9 ~3 @* Q6 M8 a1 b2 a& `> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
  }/ c' H: F' [1 S8 C> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
  M8 @& j0 z' N( l+ \> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
  n+ O2 f  s( D* |0 u> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& N0 e5 I3 e; T3 A0 v> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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7 k/ f( \8 A$ m4 }- F% T. r% T4 I> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
) H. Y% _+ A- G# G4 m> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
# y& V& Q. `1 x% p6 d9 A> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business