Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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5 w5 ~$ S: ]9 v- X8 K> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
+ O3 J7 |3 {1 |3 W0 T$ N) a; v> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
' T5 X# Q  [  s$ a! A/ I# |1 g> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( @9 [) ~5 m$ B% t5 `>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
, m+ V1 G0 b8 U" ]/ [> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ P3 d2 Q, H( S! S, @' h> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
1 B: o) `: \" V> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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$ _) L/ q& e8 ~9 |  x) D8 o9 B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
- \% O. L0 M9 j" G> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
, ?1 H0 |* C( Y) [> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
" t6 I$ C5 D2 N  X6 y' a$ \9 v' C> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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/ A8 ~% I" u- F' B> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
# {* S5 L; N* J' H# }/ R> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
: n5 S* Y% r; N6 d2 j> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
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  G+ S1 [3 ]; T3 O! p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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% M% I' h; w$ d# W! ]! L% U> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 T/ d0 G  v4 M; o# q: s  H& l> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
( `6 [2 l2 A1 m) e# r# j> > > >piss!!"
% x6 k0 j7 u  [* ~, Q- u> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
  d! a4 H3 m- f$ ?( H3 @5 d> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
+ z5 H" Y, z) M. d& S5 ]> > > >allow
  ]0 \) |6 z! y4 I: S> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >
/ T6 S4 |0 T1 @0 u) g2 W; B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
( o% g5 I, d# t- X9 r* V0 A> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
1 Q7 l) }6 Z5 G3 f; s1 }- s8 C> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
+ e7 t9 l9 u6 s0 @> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* r: v3 E# W5 Z( f; ?# r> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
9 c* a9 O: e- t> > > >called on little TONY.
  p" P% \& K# O0 {/ q; u> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
6 A$ E( i8 @7 x  M9 H> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
* t0 Z! p7 o4 ]" G2 {> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
; e, C+ U) y) L; X' P# A> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business