Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 E1 H; r9 B& W% J- w3 s7 k> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
1 Q& ]" |* b4 k! K> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
/ y5 ~5 z; W1 J; j( `3 A9 T5 f> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% }0 O+ E( M) R5 q7 n>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
/ Q! M" c0 X5 m& q) k> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
+ Z! p# A: t0 K, d+ ^# _2 ^( V6 e" J% ~> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
9 Z; F! F# U6 s- p>cream.
' d1 W: L2 k1 f% l> > > >Which one is married?"
: l* w9 L; l2 Z; x5 o5 x8 |2 d* D% N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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; k) O9 p$ J6 {9 r$ `2 ]9 N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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$ o2 B4 ^, v) Q. Y$ c: `> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' l' T" E3 i8 n$ k- n> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
1 I+ U( _$ {2 o% K9 q: t" Q> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
  G! t9 j( x: P# a> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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4 O$ E' T$ c/ i, y% D- r' c> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- H* o0 F* V/ E( ]> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ e7 y# R* Y% u, U> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 k3 t8 R7 a6 t% |> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
- `2 {- o) _: D7 ~9 L> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
  A" k" T5 p+ A, i* j5 R> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
. G- ~/ m( [+ O" [3 Z> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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, g4 ?  a/ B& L# i> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
) i1 c. S/ M- S. l( N> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
! j) q7 a  m2 x+ n2 Y> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
$ a: w$ T5 v4 k6 a> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
% u  b: V& u5 i( w  j> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
5 d' |0 ?3 q5 B( E. T> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
) ~2 t. Y* m  o5 d! d3 M3 H/ z5 P> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
) m  E  R8 _1 h( `> > > >called on little TONY.
0 {+ `: v- H5 a* d% p0 E> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
) ^1 k3 k1 i6 ?+ V, e+ F1 }> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
  f2 K# U$ m5 l. {> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
* t; m9 F6 O3 t6 \* g; f+ }> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
8 V: P" @' c! j9 T/ ]! ]> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
. w3 C' }7 U4 _> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business