Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
' `- j/ p2 J+ W: Q4 w> > > >
; Q& y4 \+ n8 b; _% V" h/ ^> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( |* X4 G+ b8 H! C> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
* [4 b# F6 j4 P> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
3 k( W, q2 m' n# U5 \> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
: W8 I0 C7 E' s3 }' J$ U  S>
; V' r/ d: |; T. E6 U> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
0 j% ?: q) o( @7 f3 `5 k; q>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
2 g$ ^1 @: \9 O> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ B' h: O" P0 _> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
9 P: o6 L: S( S> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
6 z& Z1 g$ e( y7 E> > > >
> > > >
% O# O3 e6 ]& `  a- B8 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
0 Q; c" A( b7 W4 T> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
$ ^: ~& x$ [0 f4 A4 C> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 `+ d8 o* b  n! X# Z* y# b> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
/ o4 N/ K6 w- i1 f( I# ~> > > >"That's what I said!"
! [' F* N' v2 _. T9 n> > > >
& l. n) p: ]' k# [- S- }8 y> > > >
$ ]# Z9 {8 G: A% {) _  h> > > >
8 C7 M; f  i5 p7 }" _& }- w! P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
) p% ]+ r  O  e, Q3 q6 ^7 N4 t8 c> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ |9 s; u  ^9 ]7 _; q# W; b3 Q> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
& C) q# y! p2 K: A) _% [9 D> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
1 a8 b2 ]0 x7 [5 A4 y> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
( b+ ?* w+ E! q8 y: m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 x/ e: i* z# ^> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
) S7 a. |, s' e. V1 N2 d' ~  f> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
( A; c7 o" [1 }2 v) `8 z> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
3 x8 k* C% H" q% [4 W( b> > > >
: g2 E1 H- G5 f( d! m> > > >
6 L" U5 r# e. C& j. t> > > >
5 \1 E: N9 z! j8 {$ {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
) E* j# \; p/ [> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 n& A# g9 \3 ?- K+ I> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
) Y5 q) g6 ?1 ?> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
' \( m7 L9 {4 u1 w! L7 E& x> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
0 T2 h1 u5 e- v; h* ]> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
! I; E" s: k* r> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
# D% x9 k1 d3 I; p& A7 l> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
# \3 B" ~! p/ x2 e> > > >
' A) K6 c9 j1 Z/ e  M" [% \> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
. G( Y; f0 Y$ S0 t: r> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
. q. X$ m4 h, H* d> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
3 Q3 Q& ?. ^5 s3 W/ G/ }; G; W> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
( @8 R) f  A$ N4 }> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business