Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 m" h& X$ G( _2 i> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
, j' G8 d4 r2 W- b, |7 f# l  H> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
* x' _# v# `2 P5 m0 m> > > >little TONY.
: ?% z0 f; u" S) z3 x9 b> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
" T7 E9 K0 X) l! I> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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" x3 k; l7 U2 n% F! `$ o* [5 F> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( E" ?- R* l, M' K/ Y5 {/ U>cream.
: M) {) `1 u/ k/ F> > > >Which one is married?"
* Y# B  F7 m, ]* D  S5 W% I> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 O9 e3 U3 C) H/ j$ `> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
, h( Q. y. e- [% s! _4 n2 }0 x> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
* j9 @1 S% L2 n( @0 R" _; P> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
+ b* v* T" a6 Q+ B) H/ N> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
/ r! C! N8 K3 l# p- v4 T9 V> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
9 O& |7 z! Z6 l> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
; @- t6 J- o& C3 H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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9 W7 R, |1 u; D. u; v$ f# m1 y( |1 J2 h> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
5 Y: v# T+ e  k1 I% G> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) T6 G8 S$ K" i1 j+ R3 Z> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
; Y' C7 G' p& G> > > >piss!!"
) i/ t$ O7 A- y> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
$ M; [; h" O: H( P5 J/ Q$ q. n> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
! h2 H/ x$ Y) P& u& F> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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; H7 ?# B, u3 p" b; L7 q2 t) J> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 c1 D6 N4 t) x> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 k$ i' a+ u4 g0 c> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
$ ]* C) n. ~( i> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& ~  D$ G3 m! ^" i, Q# [, U> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
7 N. G) k1 V2 q6 P7 v) |  v> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
; p9 t+ a  |7 K  k> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
3 t9 Q: x4 D5 k* P; W- y* A> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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5 `4 J8 g$ y6 G  t* w- h> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
, w# w0 _( e9 L> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
+ B: e. o6 O2 I' F4 b* G> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 z3 S8 v4 }+ {4 a: C, p> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
/ p3 R$ `: ^% I% g: u1 q& Q- q1 T> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
4 v$ d5 W2 d8 x3 V1 m3 z' O2 H4 A> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business