Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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3 l! \; u( m/ {+ s' x/ Q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
, r0 {4 V% C3 y3 n* [5 P> > > >little TONY.
+ `+ ^" S# D! C( t( W. X( T5 e> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
& _& k0 v+ S( J9 _5 @2 `# X  S> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
5 r/ C$ J& i6 {6 \6 |* K> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 e, R! |0 G1 z4 B- D> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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% q; i& Z5 ~$ u: }# {> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
' @! `" F9 S# ?8 z% J7 C>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
2 L& q& L1 U8 s- M, T- n( M) G> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
0 d: k! f$ V  G7 v2 d) L/ y1 [8 h> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
8 W% S5 G- @' ?+ {> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
+ Y. k- }( K: p2 a: @. n/ Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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# B: V& R/ f) b3 ^9 M5 m> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 R; j; Z+ G! X: P9 M/ G> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 t5 b# O( R& k2 }> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
0 ]; e% Q, x7 F- e5 H- j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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7 A& h& h  C! \" ^> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
8 w! S, n. S) l) n$ ~0 W> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
+ a" m% y3 U! u  z: ^> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
7 K" W+ Q, ~, b2 p. Z' S: B> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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. {/ Z& x, {" T( n* g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
$ Y; j; q& T( y1 _* Q6 N8 {3 f> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
# T* W7 R9 B1 o> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
( d7 u# Y$ \2 ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
. o4 x0 n  U  I# ]4 L! }% o. Y% v) b> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
6 O1 u" l& D+ [% d> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
: L) @0 k2 G) l" W: m7 ~( R5 P> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
$ \, v, l7 e7 L( G5 O: F3 {* r> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
' q, ~0 y6 w* x. [4 r# L> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: v4 i9 _- r, `> > > >called on little TONY.
; W# C) {, O9 Q; G2 ^1 i, s> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
* f3 Q1 r9 o% t+ Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
3 j( [% J1 I: n: o% l> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
  q3 M5 `$ C; S+ i- P> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business