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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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. ], J' C- u7 }8 P+ A2 N4 L: o *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
* K) X# J4 }/ }& g# p0 oThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,
7 X5 N" e+ {/ ?0 |2 |# | there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
9 L! E! x; ?7 r Before she says a word, Bob says,& m) k1 [. A) n4 @
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." & x8 t9 ]0 i5 b: j2 Z! [- W
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
: r$ A, ~& {% Y$ s0 ?1 T+ K5 sAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
4 ]9 {2 B! @$ D) n8 m& N' `$ Y4 kThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. " ?" a- F9 k" t. ]( V3 `
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
3 b8 S0 n% X& j "Who was that?" 5 D+ T' m0 o& t) Y5 W7 v6 y# `
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. % {" X. r8 p9 N. P
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
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# B! u1 O# G) m' ?& _Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your6 k) ~: \6 B/ _8 O' s
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2& \! I% ]' `+ B; g; y3 z: i
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.# n, h: O4 f. O9 t
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 8 [/ ?3 o+ N, n$ s  V$ U5 G
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".5 A- X( Q: r% g) j; B9 }" I$ P
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." , a7 s, E$ h' L! o+ G
Poof! She's gone.
; ?% }( e( ?9 P6 s"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
9 R: t$ V# I: y1 M) N& h "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
: P) }( S) i0 F2 MPoof! He's gone. , ~+ M2 ]! M; q: ^8 y
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. % N6 v- v! e! j  A" U
The manager says,
; _# {# Z3 _% v* b! c "I want those two back in the office after lunch."; b& ]* L5 L0 ~0 X9 u! c& z

* b* L* ~, o  p9 O Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 ) H: ~! P6 O, I! l- D
*Lesson 2
* z: ^' A& v" a9 u% `4 O A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.2 h3 x3 a! h9 j& ]5 U3 I, q/ ?
They rub it and a Genie comes out. * i3 \% b5 H: G4 q, m
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

% l, b; n  ?: T7 J6 {0 A: c" f4 y0 uIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*+ I$ L& s: O$ W4 D
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
1 p) k2 U. `2 U' g  L  q2 L. B  tThe priest nearly had an accident.
1 V) z2 A& n; l) ZAfter controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. - S" i9 P7 S0 K6 J5 I7 Z; w, i
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 6 |% W2 w7 M, I( @/ A4 E
The priest removed his hand. " M# ?8 _1 z- @' o" O
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. & D" l9 H5 p0 d: j. J8 Q( Q
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. J) {7 u2 U$ HThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
6 e% d2 ?4 p6 r  BArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
# l. w; f) M& N0 O0 H9 Z8 X On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
) n( j  e+ [! s6 O3 H- _# `( ` It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.") S" T$ F& `1 f2 j3 \3 J, P
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Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
# p/ j% X5 |* d3 @! h A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
5 S; e0 y& L  R! V  L& M: ^ A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"1 v# s/ I% K, m
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." # r; ?( u% ]; T/ }2 A0 f
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.# w' e- C: i9 @' O) v* D5 \2 A
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.: n6 P2 c1 y* ]
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*
2 X$ c9 y0 S* L: O3 o A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."  M+ W; l, g1 k9 q! |5 b
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." % D% g% k( M$ M* ?: Q& o$ Q9 ]4 \
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ; [4 _) l. n0 ]5 P
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
" e8 }: D+ S( i; ?5 o: g* V Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
# J' h. |# Z# z& b% ` Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.0 i8 i/ R( a9 A5 ~

' S( K2 X  E: t0 ~: v  rMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*. Z8 A' B, Z* J- i5 f3 h; F
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.5 w- _+ B3 K. Y! {" G9 V
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.3 \7 u) `: D. {) s
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. - T* z2 ~$ q7 r
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
9 R+ I) a. u7 T A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. # l- |. Z5 t- J! t9 @
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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& R8 S; T8 L& G2 W" E Moral of the story:1 _0 S& W, u, N  k
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy5 ^% D% X5 d0 w# W
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend! c) Y$ A. x: b
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.) B# O3 A5 B0 p4 D% C5 Y
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the0 N7 U/ |5 m( B8 V) o
race again and it won again.
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# Q( s* T3 {2 X- i( q# WThe local paper read:$ f9 J# u; M+ R7 O- K1 U: V
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
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3 \8 @3 x2 z/ V: DThe Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the3 n. h7 J) W: [9 y2 V* N
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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6 `6 F0 \9 A& L, o) s. PThe next day, the local paper headline read:
2 g# i- d) |8 ^1 W; O+ r) V) TBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.: n+ X1 i( P9 j9 e' F

; m5 ~: x( L+ |8 h  pThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid; \; @) K- {6 p
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.& n* W& V# E% X1 E4 |! ^
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
' K* p& u# f' n$ t2 aNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
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The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid* Z) q" V# i3 |
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
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8 d5 w, m# N3 x# K; R+ u0 v9 t0 @The next day the paper read:
  \. B* ^4 D6 x2 P7 _6 [NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.: t3 i4 X7 i( }" w) L

# ]0 `7 C( Y6 u/ h: N4 T; ~8 sThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back( Z: D. K/ o2 U; l( b& N
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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The next day the headlines read:& s1 ]- N" ^7 Z; Y- J/ U: G
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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' {/ o5 Q, P& h6 WThe bishop was buried the next day.- E+ N( X6 j- y7 h4 W% f

4 w1 R/ U# E) LThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion3 z+ s3 D6 D  e. L; O+ I) o
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
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' ~7 r) |8 `6 f0 J0 |5 E% t( @So be yourself and enjoy life...
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7 k- R1 E( s, V, x& gStop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier! l& J! k' z$ T& u7 o( h! {8 ^
And live longer!
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Have a nice day!
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 5 r6 t/ x0 ~/ b4 e) Z

+ ?# X/ j. \' o+ I. @; NJunior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
: O( W) z% o! e* T; J' [7 VHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
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! Y7 J& l% ]8 o3 Y( c, nWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. : L4 \' a) U; }4 }9 J7 W2 m
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. / b$ K3 A$ G- Z# l' o. ^* U

. u8 X% @( i; i' \# wWe sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. # Y6 G* u8 B% d4 Z

( Z5 [* I0 L0 ?As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.   @( \$ Y, k( d$ c, [1 U* P
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
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Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing." K; o, @1 Y* o0 R2 M" i" F
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor. 7 @. Y' i  ^- l; b4 b8 K

- m6 |  h) G, `/ }( t- GAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
  S9 u2 i0 f: Z' Y3 w8 q" gThanks for sharing.5 d6 j" a2 t$ K  M  ~3 d
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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, C- e9 b2 j7 y( G- zYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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