埃德蒙顿华人社区-Edmonton China

 找回密码
 注册
查看: 5573|回复: 11

Jokes, just for laugh

[复制链接]
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
; [4 f/ n% m' g# A
/ `' D! w: z% T) ?6 T2 Y *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*: |) F5 I& P, w
8 N7 S/ s' {8 U; F( ?% D" m
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. " C$ ]) A( F# e: U5 Q
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,% i0 w6 M$ C3 I
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.( s, L. c) y, i, Y0 V4 ?! s! W. m
Before she says a word, Bob says,9 w) [( K- |7 E6 V% @# L
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." 6 E) ?) `' `; C+ h( f/ P4 I
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.% d3 B1 @: v/ s3 k' t* z
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
, b! _/ B- ~% S. gThe woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
* f0 r2 J* o7 V8 i+ g" CWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
* V( R1 N$ S/ C: \ "Who was that?"
9 M7 L6 j2 z. i6 ~4 X"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. 9 F( C  L% c+ N2 \6 m
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"& D( u5 l) [9 ^; k0 ~% A* G% W. \
, T: N; B  \) |. p  P8 L$ k
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your3 F( d2 b1 L$ z* v* [& J) S7 v
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
2 a6 M; {" \( P: {% D A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
- F% \+ k, N$ n: d  OThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 9 A8 G$ n" r. U3 j9 N- k
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".3 b& y0 ~4 Q: o* {+ G
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
4 R0 I3 f/ U8 l2 P4 v) fPoof! She's gone.
  _! m. r6 \$ B+ ?"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
. _" c/ N5 _: C1 \' B "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
4 o: |2 a0 V' o2 Y! oPoof! He's gone.
6 |# k0 ^7 `* ]- {: b* T0 l"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. ; U8 v3 a, j) H! f. l# O, [
The manager says,
+ M6 U: l6 g* f$ ?4 `3 T "I want those two back in the office after lunch."5 l2 i6 ?9 d6 D

' _% D( w9 ]% d+ `& K7 j8 a Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 8 l- J5 H/ |4 ?4 V& G7 u
*Lesson 2
, E* D& |0 T6 F A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.- ]  Y; ]3 {+ }
They rub it and a Genie comes out.   c4 J: i" D9 \
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...

: F' b3 C% [) O- {: _" p* rIt is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*1 P5 A( [8 e) f$ k
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
: `& H, G& i( }: j( ~The priest nearly had an accident. % a2 Z+ _' F' {) t, z, w4 k: D
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 7 ~( v- {! s! l* @, T. A$ m! \
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" 5 x) n( w! o$ v
The priest removed his hand.
. _! {( x7 m* r) @9 s8 \/ E# r/ Z5 aBut, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. & [; z4 j- b& ]# p6 H* m) {; c
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" ' D! m" N, q6 m! |  N" a+ K9 H9 B5 S
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
! p  W5 O6 [$ z: ^* y/ ?Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.7 q8 K3 [8 ~$ b, H( G% M
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.8 I2 I9 f; D1 m: E$ V. K6 [3 Q" c% X
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
1 R6 |) E6 V3 F) B, m
6 g2 Z, a; @1 B$ @6 G6 S( w Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
3 }3 w2 V8 H9 @8 { A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day./ `5 [! y8 g. N
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"# N+ T- K' q/ {
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
5 f' L8 z4 o- s1 B; p5 fSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested." C& L% j; G3 @/ J
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.2 ]) ^& D* P8 l$ c/ N+ m
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*: t+ y0 Z7 |; \+ q) T' w
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
, D( U) ]% T/ Y% G' {6 m "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." ! Q  m$ l1 n: d$ j# p$ p5 h3 b
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
/ z/ E' O6 Y$ n, G$ VThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
4 g$ p; b& t. F) Q( K& t7 c/ [( a# S Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
' ?2 |$ m6 L& i7 o Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
$ r2 }9 e% s' V" Q+ Y' L
+ L* g6 t  @, k1 |4 PMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*: F) B7 K! l0 k, t: M, x0 h
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
. ^" a7 W$ V/ G$ E' {, B4 k. t While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
' q6 b* z# }7 D  I6 V& E- u5 T, @6 Q As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
% f; v4 u0 e% O8 @. r2 [4 gThe dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 0 E. [% S& U3 e2 C
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
  a- r3 f+ D! p& l6 O! {Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
8 |+ T8 D4 O: @( g8 c& @6 Y1 F" q0 v# l2 W
Moral of the story:  l9 z9 O0 x7 o
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy/ L5 z9 ^- o3 Z
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend# Q3 C' M7 E# a
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
- D! o7 G5 @1 ^, ~7 y( ^! P4 A! {4 Y' C; g1 A( l. G
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the: S2 s0 u( x- K! y
race again and it won again.
, |# h3 q! ~' M' r9 k5 X0 g' S3 d
( c: w$ J  V  S) F+ A% o  gThe local paper read:( G' q# k2 k' @/ P- l" S
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.9 B9 _/ ^6 P7 T7 T" l6 l  C
8 r% Z. s" y4 p2 {* v$ H; |
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
9 w, Z6 u% |3 ypastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
6 J* g; e- _% F7 E4 X7 w
8 I- H; Z1 Y) s/ p5 Z# O3 AThe next day, the local paper headline read:
- j7 \/ P1 U' P- V9 |+ F# M  [BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
! N3 _5 S) h5 L* y
' p/ q2 I. @% @. x' X% _This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid; `/ ~9 u5 |: x9 v! l  o& p
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
/ G! y& m0 H! c  O8 c2 e, l* w8 i( {
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:9 p# ~- r5 U- `
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
4 l7 Q, ?5 R1 L6 L& ~4 F  T
$ x. ^/ A8 E% W% WThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
1 @% E# E# G: Jof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
, K% d3 x3 C) |2 J* I# D! T& Y: o* d* T1 N3 b1 y; H! N0 H$ O
The next day the paper read:+ C; Z. \, ?; D- d3 Y: s+ R+ [7 c
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
2 j6 y, @4 f6 V* v) I/ Z* j9 N" f/ W* F3 [  _- G& R
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back1 Y) J9 i3 v# m4 b
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.6 L. ]2 w; a6 W! L' X

* m- r9 n4 n# t! I. a4 {  CThe next day the headlines read:
9 F/ @# V8 d0 G: J2 }NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE., `; h% {# w$ p* T7 Y8 k

, H9 b6 j- Z  n0 G4 \8 O, l6 H, b. FThe bishop was buried the next day.) J# D: u  ^: q) U

7 E2 Z  y* h& l* s5 k% w- wThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion' p$ V, a( i' R9 x
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.1 x& h( j! _; |( i

& O" D4 J4 M3 B( \3 m2 j  {& YSo be yourself and enjoy life...
6 q. O( ?1 F& C# z9 O& j2 I: ]: @5 L! B: f
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier3 @1 p8 r1 C$ Q, a% u! |- @
And live longer!
9 ]* L3 f7 Y/ O# Z& j
, n- F7 r1 e* T. y0 Y5 AHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 9 _( X- Y4 q+ ^' Z( z& |
1 W3 r5 r; k1 L. L! ^" D
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"8 U' s7 v, t6 n9 o8 k, |7 \
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
+ H' Q1 W9 r2 K' j3 {3 [, X' y: d! n- d) O+ i
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. & e) ]( }% G$ m$ P  G; M- g
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
; o* v, E. I5 ^/ B* s8 P* U) |; _# L& ?- O; D3 n
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. 4 L4 i9 \2 n& Z& |% i

8 D: `! A$ L$ _- m* D# ^As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. . `! }+ z0 e: F4 {2 J2 L4 ~5 ~
% b  u% Y9 B- G( {' P
Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.
& ]+ L6 O. G- N, x
( ]) {; z0 v6 @0 `% E5 bThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.9 i, u2 l: \8 t+ ]) z

# ~/ |* M" D; S7 Y% k5 [2 e6 VI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
6 V9 ?! K/ w8 ^% y, I  G6 E7 J5 B0 y' p6 E
As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表   ^+ M/ O" A  E* ?6 L3 k
Thanks for sharing.
7 h7 w4 V+ ?. J5 {; q3 S- j+ Z& Y7 t$ V: j
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
  s" p: L5 ^# y' D3 L# {
: Q, l. ~: [0 f0 {, p. ^
Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 注册

本版积分规则

联系我们|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|埃德蒙顿中文网

GMT-7, 2026-4-29 05:35 , Processed in 0.155225 second(s), 17 queries , Gzip On, APC On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表