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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons
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*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*/ |) M8 ]- y" E9 c
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
6 i* k/ a, s  j+ d; y) G: G! VThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,8 c5 @  j2 x* C
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.& M9 W" w5 n" d+ M
Before she says a word, Bob says,
: w) c( n. |; q; Q' ^* { "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
& A+ ~, W# \- M. O6 M- Q  }7 cAfter thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
, }2 X* M1 u9 l3 N- S1 e$ m. IAfter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. 9 h* u. H3 T% H6 i
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.   J" o! A. X7 o9 t; G- N
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,* q0 `/ X! `9 \
"Who was that?"
/ c$ d! Y8 k9 j- ]+ q) H. |( V" ?6 N"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
% q- j& w5 N! y6 S! H"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?". H% h0 v( j! h6 B
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your7 m) i0 c* a9 k$ W+ i1 L' `) N/ B
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2
# d7 |9 o) [- ]# ]9 y, H) L- Y5 `* @ A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
2 q4 E9 l$ S8 O- [- l% F! ?They rub it and a Genie comes out. 8 z! ~. |. E; g& _  C) q
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
6 N6 |1 \" m% ^( R "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." * f+ I4 i! `: f6 X
Poof! She's gone. ! }0 d+ u) y/ h8 `2 f
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.9 }1 O$ p1 A0 ^1 ~- P0 _4 w! n
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
" Y+ ~+ e5 u  BPoof! He's gone.   G% n& J4 b+ q' C  }3 x  s
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. . Q$ o- W3 X) z( K9 Q2 r$ |6 M
The manager says,
3 O) ^) C' u5 c "I want those two back in the office after lunch."% |, J8 B6 i" A0 [& R: i

- T% A5 ^; Y1 l& f5 r. q: Y Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表
5 R- b# l( R2 }. }3 S$ A% q" P' q*Lesson 20 T1 X$ _# L/ ^' D9 ~5 G4 \
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 }. j1 A4 ~. a  l; h# YThey rub it and a Genie comes out. 1 ]/ \4 f. E) v' f
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*7 q. P! D1 A: E/ _
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
* m2 f8 W  p1 N/ N8 s6 W; DThe priest nearly had an accident. # W, g/ y8 w+ \/ V4 T- m+ P
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 6 k$ H) U/ @* h
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"   e9 S( ]( c" y0 c
The priest removed his hand. ! g  R6 s8 Q/ }1 e
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. $ ^5 N% T9 {" ?3 N; H
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?" * h  y! U9 W! N; {* u" |
The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
3 D# i) }, m) W" s: I6 oArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
3 y) E1 l+ |# a: k8 w; E# d On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.# r0 Z8 q& O6 w& P& C. b2 S
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
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  F) S+ |$ I# v  A3 D0 C6 F Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*: \- e. j5 O. S- |
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
1 i4 x" h- _: \" O8 a0 b2 E/ }: i A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"# Z, A3 |( _# V/ p% B  C: k& d
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." , O- @7 o( u  @
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.0 G3 i) E; F4 V2 D0 ~8 D4 M: b1 C- F
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
/ j" j3 J& B6 F7 g4 E Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*8 b4 ?+ k: C0 o" a& x. ^! k$ n9 @; O
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."6 u: ~+ W3 M0 ?0 l! E
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
# l! b  m, H  [" SThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. ) a1 ~" Z& Q1 T# w: f: J
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.. x6 J8 g2 R- m- T* K7 ?
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
4 F3 c6 t6 i$ w. D* O% C Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.$ A, j" o+ l) H% O% n

, ^, @2 G0 ^/ P0 MMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
* J# a& s) S8 L! ~5 h8 r$ q A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  n6 W7 l% @1 ?) s% j# G1 B
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.% ]8 q6 d9 N# l& \! S; @2 g* q
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. & x* l1 F0 \, s  S5 ?5 O' ^
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. # e7 k, I$ ]0 x
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
* R, `  s. L: k3 q3 A4 L, s' q8 HFollowing the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Moral of the story:6 p1 u! f# |9 t* ^/ r7 I
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy: w+ o  h- w4 A+ s+ z" h# r
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend( u3 [9 D5 C- c% F9 V
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
大型搬家
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.$ D; L& i0 r2 A. k
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the6 T5 j  [  J- Q0 u+ z: D
race again and it won again.
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The local paper read:  B( A1 Z# G# C( S. {
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT./ ?% y; E! E1 r  h& o" V* b% f
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The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
8 S  U  Q- \4 i; zpastor not to enter the donkey in another race.. u- H" g" Z0 u9 G- c/ T
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The next day, the local paper headline read:
# D' A# L, s6 A4 V# _2 S  W( D( iBISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
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& E! W" U* C% _- y0 JThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid0 e7 p2 J6 P- A& q* j) Y  X  R
of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.( g2 ^0 |, i/ J; Q, y$ {) i

2 @% M1 N4 g4 d4 B: N- j" HThe local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
, i" E0 a$ S& W" s% jNUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN., Z; Z' d1 E; V7 K. E/ m. H- Z

( L  _# `5 ^* D/ w8 Z, BThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid7 w7 M! V# [& x' |) i+ F/ U
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.& D# {( {. L! d+ `6 c( ], {

1 _' I" i/ |/ G% KThe next day the paper read:
4 S/ x: e, ^8 tNUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.! M5 {6 b' g) [5 Z  \

% y" o2 j# T% s- @8 hThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
4 [& ^3 N/ H8 x* l; p: }) l# wthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
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7 j, h" }, g9 ], hThe next day the headlines read:
/ c4 j3 e* h) t5 Q: }NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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( ^0 T: K: z6 w. OThe bishop was buried the next day.
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) Z8 z8 J5 `& T; {The moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion
  W* E' C$ w9 K& V$ Q8 E+ V8 Xcan bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.' j4 U0 q  n7 P, S- Z
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So be yourself and enjoy life...
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( h& |. B" O: F. F/ B3 {Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier! i; }3 i" H2 R* k' o1 d1 q  l& n
And live longer!
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* F" M5 J; ^$ K% u+ s  x# AHave a nice day!
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life
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Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"
9 D( \* K; z7 V. C1 AHis dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!$ ]5 Z* K3 s+ N9 A, R  D
2 e, z$ i. k' B$ O- ]' y! l' N* ~
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
: n; ~/ f+ q& `& N3 }Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
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We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. + r; w/ A. |1 o4 m$ Q5 N! D7 d4 k
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As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ( W9 P, C  F: l) t4 x2 z8 ^! @/ u
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Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. 7 B! V$ c  F# I' a

0 C$ b! ]/ N9 o3 U1 r) LThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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# C% y9 H7 \  F' ?: d. VI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
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/ ?' K/ _1 @7 l& z' @2 uAs for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表 2 M6 {+ ?8 C3 a6 Q3 b' |
Thanks for sharing.
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I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...
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7 L& Z7 y. j2 }# b& iYa, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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