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Jokes, just for laugh

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鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-21 11:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Six Funny Life Lessons $ m( ^( h) E$ K' c: c+ I& q' H

/ [* }0 P) V6 s% F *Lesson 1: Naked Wife*# J/ K6 W, ?+ ?2 B

, m' \9 N* G2 Z; \- {0 W5 C) M, O8 f A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
+ r$ }( o9 o! }4 a9 H4 IThe wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door,% z5 r6 Y* `* Y' Z  B  y8 K; `
there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.0 |% w! {1 U/ o; y
Before she says a word, Bob says,, S' Y( z1 X. n1 L. ~
"I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
5 G' R6 [1 L! K: @After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.0 _- q1 U+ @1 `% b! V  W+ K
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. * y# T$ C( i0 p1 E
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
' N3 X$ x# r, _1 Y8 z0 V7 r4 eWhen she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
# d% X5 I8 D# I "Who was that?"
0 ?# k+ q  |5 |. a"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
  I' f, p& n  Q8 S/ E/ l7 T0 d, ?0 x! x"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"9 w* a4 d* r) `1 t; ^: d& V7 Y$ R/ ~
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Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
, e' |& B0 w6 Q+ O- H" i4 B shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-22 15:35 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 2$ Q1 {' G; p$ t; m* k
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
8 }) H1 Y; R. z: |/ xThey rub it and a Genie comes out. & k, p3 H$ ^! T$ f* I( h
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".$ `. P* b- }9 e( \, [- z3 F# @
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
8 O: x! `2 ^" ]+ c# L! APoof! She's gone.
7 _. S' |3 u; N+ n"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.: r' `: r) x! F! Q% U" m4 @
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." 0 Y0 M9 S0 Z  O. m! h
Poof! He's gone. 7 l& ?4 W' m9 Y, q9 \2 O+ h
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
* o. p& \4 A* p% ]7 O. AThe manager says,3 g3 k& l& b; P+ M& Q
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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7 T1 {% b# U9 D Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-22 18:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 junglebell 于 2008-1-22 15:35 发表 : [; \, W2 p! l) a+ E) K+ G. ^4 l
*Lesson 2- ^! e' D5 ~) I7 h+ _  T9 ?
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.6 t+ L- C/ q8 C
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
7 w8 M/ P% }# E! ~The Genie says, "I'll give each of you  ...
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It is time to fire such a boss.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-23 17:19 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
*Lesson 3*% y; R8 v5 t' @
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
4 g5 `; q+ W: g7 V# H4 d$ S8 J1 EThe priest nearly had an accident.   l0 d3 m) `+ x1 M
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. 6 I) i; ]0 j* c- J2 `5 J  _
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
. ], |7 n/ e0 Q# \( M2 FThe priest removed his hand. 5 S9 N1 o; S; O) X$ W$ ^
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
5 U/ i' B/ e! a0 W* k, M0 EThe nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?"
' H9 J* Z5 ?/ `, pThe priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
/ k) x$ ]2 r3 dArriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.4 M" Y' G2 _$ B6 j0 m, l
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  O! V3 [  {4 y$ e: D3 s( I
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."( g5 G: O+ e4 H" E
5 c2 B0 o$ h, N  ]: n
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might  miss a great opportunity.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-24 18:18 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 4*
* D  ?+ K' Z: N0 W! K7 W2 h A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
# n+ K; C- R+ l7 U$ U  `! ? A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"5 c* ?# h2 P. ]
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
" Q% t, v0 k/ R& J* U; C- HSo, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
  C# ~3 y! Q% H$ ~9 r A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it." ?( z* v/ p8 K6 P: d$ ~
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-25 17:33 | 显示全部楼层
*Lesson 5: Power of Charisma*; B) h" P! O. \% b7 b
A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."* ~9 }* ~, U) w7 P" N  @
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
$ L/ V  e; U; x) z2 L+ L2 A! X, pThe turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
6 Q* n' m% n( y# oThe next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.7 y) u* t; x7 u/ J) p
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.( \! S/ a) P; Y. O0 z  Q+ j: Q  L
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.# r* W2 C% i  @$ _0 A7 w

" s' Z* _  C' C9 l# s8 M6 s. LMoral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
理袁律师事务所
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-26 17:57 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Lesson 6*
4 S2 P, y% D) R8 w3 r/ L A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  `5 A, I9 K/ w3 y3 @
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.9 X" t$ d  r& k8 L
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. ; x' m5 r$ C, J: Q) Y
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
! l1 u( }  f: _3 R; l, U7 V A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
1 u6 ^& N1 X' ^2 {Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.! m: h& s- }! s1 @3 d+ G- v  @

( @6 S/ `7 m- [: \0 A* e: C Moral of the story:9 V0 d; i  j2 a" T( x# m
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy% D$ S7 k+ Y" e1 M' ?
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
7 y# a% K4 ^! i. G  c; m: ~ 3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-27 19:09 | 显示全部楼层
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.+ P) u; t3 F( U
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The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the
; x7 ^' n  @  d5 F5 m race again and it won again.- E/ G5 A3 m2 h  e8 R; `0 H" y

$ D) m% h7 b& |  _! |% w& EThe local paper read:! M9 \3 h2 V1 Q9 P' r- r- ~) k' c1 |! g: o
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.' q, ~" D6 v2 X, @

$ U  C( W/ R) {The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the: D) e4 T& H8 {: d* o
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
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6 O' h0 D0 R7 g) o' `$ o3 V7 N0 J. UThe next day, the local paper headline read:" \# d* n, c: R) h5 p( W0 H8 X, b
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.) E7 u( Z( ^& [3 h  A$ P# h
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This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid
/ W# s( @  H% T2 n3 a) D7 Aof the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
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The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:( S  N* y/ P* X# I# F' V
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
9 b, Y6 O- X2 A  A8 D9 z
7 W0 l/ ^& P! c' r3 b! X9 XThe bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
$ ~8 H" l# E5 C) V  B) Vof the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
6 O+ Q% b' z7 S# v5 M1 L# q! d% t, v# w& z
The next day the paper read:, O1 _( e+ H* T: _# |$ h
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.) X% ]% r& D. H0 O3 w( [6 Q

* r# A0 F* R" n! wThis was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
: \% Q  ]) d7 lthe donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.* C8 a: s) P7 g3 `
3 X9 N5 x* \: d! [: z3 y% {* w
The next day the headlines read:6 g+ s: B$ ]2 T( ^  Z
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
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The bishop was buried the next day.5 C: X& }, Q7 u2 K

9 B: v1 R. ]: pThe moral of the story is.....being concerned about public opinion; [3 R) X) Z/ w1 ~: B- \7 G
can bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life.
. j. T  R( q5 z& l
# l/ c6 w, M, }5 l) O  r( d/ qSo be yourself and enjoy life...
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Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier/ d- z  k# D7 ^' l; L1 R: ^/ @
And live longer!
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! J, n7 K4 Q" q, \5 f/ h* u' LHave a nice day!
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 20:21 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
They are fun and meanful, thanks for sharing.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-28 19:35 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dad explains the facts of life 6 d+ o- r6 {- ~7 F. @3 a' x* j) K
0 l. X9 q  H5 k/ l
Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?", X% N4 D1 v- y4 P
His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!
" U) u/ K. T1 F8 t
3 @- f5 y) q0 y/ EWell, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. ; N+ }# ?9 P2 L, V1 D9 {
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
0 J, C7 F+ ~; J& D0 J# R. A; s/ n  d8 u4 w  _
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. , n" v5 ^5 e- |0 V! [: T

' _- B3 [! G+ l* bAs soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. ) y, J. f2 v# r, U# _

# T. P6 W- l. m! RSix weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. $ V5 l2 r6 y. K$ }$ l

9 w) E9 J3 h8 Y1 zThen nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"
鲜花(152) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-1-28 20:32 | 显示全部楼层
Thanks for sharing.
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# k. h6 v, R: z' `  ^: nI find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is people's inborn factors of understanding/produing humor. For me, I wish I could have more humor.
; U* H6 u- B, s: L* v
0 Z$ x8 [! m8 I, a+ D- P4 j, Z7 ?As for the above story, I understand that the author tries to make fun of human conception and computer virus infection. But the story just confuses me as a joke.
鲜花(63) 鸡蛋(0)
 楼主| 发表于 2008-2-5 11:01 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 billzhao 于 2008-1-28 20:32 发表
( \- L- O  {5 S; wThanks for sharing.; d5 g# n2 ^, T, G3 M- K( l+ K
) x6 h' B5 z2 e' m! ]8 {
I find western humor and jokes are not easy for total comrehension, even though I understand every word. I guess one reason is out of cultural differences, the other one is peop ...

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Ya, sometimes I have the same feeling as you.
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