请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
* v6 c! p! h/ `% |  @0 y: lBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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, h# g- u6 ]& }% HFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
# }7 z$ J; y$ e4 Q' z: X# F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
' ]( D; L3 q0 N$ y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! C; o, G9 g& [7 V% g              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
# Q% X/ a2 H. K              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
, P' r: k. ?; L* y8 ?4 {             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  L4 y4 e' [: X2 c$ p$ n6 V& z             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
# k" R0 v, p4 t: fNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, h% x% d' g" C: q             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 f" _. d9 h5 w& n% t. XFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
. z. m) P+ _4 a( K               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- T. Z% d9 }5 [; X2 K* ^+ @But........         
! H* P% }& ~% o7 TIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

1 {- r, \$ F$ q( k: @; M卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
+ L6 ?" Y2 {1 U9 G7 bSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, x8 m6 t$ }8 h* x, Q7 b$ HSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
# V4 b/ _$ ?% m1 Q! i% JSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

# Z! }* m1 p: [9 p- `0 q6 ISomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ K8 d7 X, `# L9 w4 d7 rSomehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* q' N( X1 e9 XSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
% ^/ e0 j( ?0 c) eSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
, a! U3 B7 p0 Z' |9 {& x( aHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

8 t/ K" }2 G4 F/ `. I2 Wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ h$ O3 h3 ?6 p& |=====================================================================
! t; B/ _6 L: n6 {. Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？