请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
9 z: g4 w* j. J* m% e2 |  W# ABesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
( z4 \. b5 d- c4 B# {: R5 D3 U
/ V+ r5 Q% I3 s4 z- e0 a: s8 j





Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
4 _3 l1 J, [4 K6 Y) r' U              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
0 F1 ~# a5 r' x) l: x  P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- _' U) n* ^% F! H" k; o              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 ^! P2 t; s$ l; L  b             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
. c/ f, S. P! M             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; `9 Y# Z* K3 t0 h             somehow I lost myself inside again
6 i- n* |2 O9 y8 A: _6 _/ yNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
* i/ Y5 w) m! S             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
- l" A. a! p, n2 _# O! K# LBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ V( D1 ?4 N) p5 F3 M, D. N               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
1 g5 G5 x0 w1 ?: f# y

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
+ ~% g/ M9 j9 F: J' `Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
$ j; z2 ^/ w( i6 I( G  }% YSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% o8 I1 l: j: }/ j8 ]2 j$ PSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
* Y2 J* N8 x, Q3 z' n
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# I- C0 j2 }8 @+ q8 zSomehow I lost myself inside it again

5 W5 R. P8 r0 i+ m7 SSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
& p9 D% r. K& Y$ E( G5 SSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 p3 C9 B8 Y: GSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
# e) o' f! D. H, c2 x, V& P* t- sHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
9 s2 X5 G- {$ F2 G( ]/ ~4 M; T& _
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
1 r7 W' V3 O$ e& D- E" v8 a# ?# p9 usomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
3 h' j3 {3 M$ M* t2 ^我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

2 q; l# l3 p7 u9 f哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？