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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
) T1 O; t& e/ ~9 ~Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.+ u  p, R* x" Y9 r
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
" R- G! ]; T+ S4 N9 NThanks a lot!!!
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# w4 [( A, `5 ?6 W% b+ ^6 q

& l1 N8 p' o9 h# s6 \8 m0 k1 z# S8 U4 u6 ]

9 h# H2 i7 E7 I; F6 PFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
2 p( p! W# A( I              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us 4 A  ~; x( Q$ ~8 Q! y* Q! @
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
) I' J. W- p$ x              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me # r) D) F0 o) j9 n, s3 r
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind 3 t1 P  N. W9 t9 c7 L
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 4 ~! b# x( L7 ~* w1 N* }
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 M0 S. l3 |8 X. w! M2 W2 \2 r4 w             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  v  Q% j: \( g0 }+ V             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* _3 z/ Z; x0 t( _3 S
             somehow I lost myself inside again
( W* j( {, [1 `6 W" @: _* ENow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
$ o- d9 w  @/ x  A( w" j             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion7 q2 H+ ^% k/ k
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................$ U* e; u8 Y$ k( ^7 r! f( r
Basically, I almost finish this poem. `. k' o+ n+ y% W
               I am 一个人de精彩
8 F8 q. m7 u7 q; k* ?( ]               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 u1 R4 U1 ?. \3 \7 GBut........         6 T) y1 E$ N  G! n1 k) K
Ironically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”0 a1 Z- B/ W$ ?, q2 o

  q  A/ ]0 `  d) E9 k/ t% h卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?  d0 H8 B8 c- L# P3 y& I' n
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you ( k5 H: w0 u. ]
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us . d/ L  w+ d& n/ T
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& z& X+ a1 H/ I% A& L6 @! CSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
. h) [3 O, F' F2 e  `" {Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind : \$ ]+ q; h. o- _( P
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness 0 G% U1 j9 G$ m/ p

, `: I$ K; j6 p! U4 H+ sSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday - R  X' M! k5 w% ^! p/ b% i0 M2 z; F
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart - ~2 ?3 s) L* P- m, x
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness* A$ r, G$ F/ |: T
Somehow I lost myself inside it again ; d, b" T& P  v4 n" |1 E. M
3 M% X2 B: q* p( O: {  F
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
9 C* P7 c' Z" ^& z0 |% S, o: }Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you$ X" }) {7 G7 G. [  ^
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself+ k7 v3 u* j& M  p- e. \
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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9 B$ m) L$ n% e+ ~9 Y  Q5 {) @, ]6 RHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday : S% I8 A0 ~: e6 e5 `2 l8 n+ d8 p
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness$ \6 J+ X1 W! n& N3 r4 c
=====================================================================
2 c4 E% a( k3 _; n( G- ~/ E& wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 4 x2 W, I  n8 O# R5 F
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
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哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
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发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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