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请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

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发表于 2008-1-17 21:16 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
I just wrote a poem
! H2 c% h# ]" L4 ~1 F, W5 ^# BBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.& G/ A( h9 z8 ~. y- a
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem3 y5 i- g: L0 y& G9 C* D
Thanks a lot!!!- X6 ]2 ?1 F9 s; ?
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you $ b" \, g. [7 K
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 s; V5 Z4 |. A, g. u" F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world 3 c1 |4 ?" A4 c: G; C7 O. r
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me ' u% b: W; L  S5 ^2 n) V6 S0 C
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind ) N' t. j/ P+ \6 [  r
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness 1 H4 E% j- q2 t! S4 l/ R: c
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
! _- i& c9 B" Q' x5 h             somehow I realized you were still in my heart ( Y; c% Z9 r$ t$ \$ l
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 I9 w! J0 g" i8 K, h$ V  D             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ R& G2 u1 K4 B, Q  |) Y, w, MNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
6 T7 w2 X0 M4 b; H& L             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
4 {1 j  F- ?) y; |Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................4 z8 E5 R2 m4 d! n6 h
Basically, I almost finish this poem
& _: r, ^( W( q: q# a6 d0 `+ i6 O               I am 一个人de精彩
7 l7 l1 b  u. Q, l' m* m: a               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.5 }+ G6 l3 y5 k% |( \: N- ]
But........         
0 o# ?* M+ a5 [8 E- D7 d( mIronically? Isn't it?
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发表于 2008-1-17 22:43 | 显示全部楼层

先帮你改一下标题吧

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”1 ^# W2 B9 d. ]1 @' F  S
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卖糕的,写外国诗就得忘中国字吗?0 [, b% b  V- S% a  Q
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鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-18 00:18 | 显示全部楼层
Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( v8 P, Q, B  ?# u% LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
% _0 a+ W; E. }  rSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  E& O4 b; p1 @1 j, fSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   , Q, z, W8 K# X0 L
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind + J. ^2 [. ?& ]5 t$ E: G
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
6 o( D* {; q+ y' U4 I1 c
+ k) v; L: G1 a) {. W* X+ l4 q4 XSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday ) U$ @; c! a6 J
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart + o7 U4 D/ _2 ^- U4 h) L  \+ v, u
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
- a# y2 q+ J% f  q. ^Somehow I lost myself inside it again 3 m* a2 q: w, \7 g

$ t% e8 M0 E; N# b5 d; H& ^" xSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion$ Y; g( @3 ~: D# Q7 N& a
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you; ?4 F0 j8 u& z: ~+ W
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
# v, M2 X; N  c* N2 A( r$ ?* a8 @: mSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance
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发表于 2008-1-18 00:32 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队 追求完美
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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  _+ O0 G9 f6 d( Y1 s( C3 bHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday % Y1 N$ f# ^! I- M' m
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
# }5 O; k+ W  g9 R% {8 i+ ^=====================================================================% x- f3 E5 X) X" a! C. a. ]$ O: [
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-1-21 18:57 | 显示全部楼层
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect
鲜花(170) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-1-27 05:38 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表 ' ~/ d5 R- u" Z1 K& M8 q: Q
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

; m* D7 y; l! s1 ?) L哦,这样啊,那就改回去吧,我以为是虚拟语气呢。
鲜花(634) 鸡蛋(5)
发表于 2008-1-27 12:42 | 显示全部楼层
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲,这是什么体啊?
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