Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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; J8 n. f0 a2 a" c6 a- pThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:

- r! q/ g4 N. x1 ]4 b  [7 R1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

. ^4 p! h( N% \+ C" y/ G7 D2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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' g+ T+ `! f5 N3 ^0 r- @& Y8 Q3 m3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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  [$ s7 P; Q- o8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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7 v6 T. G  y2 [( s& }10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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5 |- j. x" ], B) N! z12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

8 l3 W) E5 C4 P7 _( }, V" a. x1 q13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.