Job Description - Parent

propeller

POSITION:
; s% |+ Y4 p( Q! ?3 I& ]% CMom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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  r" B# {' y* k. z  A& z0 GJOB DESCRIPTION:
+ y  I  |; I" ?! z, Z* ~Long term, team players needed for challenging,
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
! W" @) ~: |: X+ ?0 Q' hCandidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
! f* B7 Q1 [% L) a8 Xand frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
) t, l' z0 v  Y2 fSome overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
. r1 S6 @3 k' d2 Y( Lendless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
! _5 k* p- {- G0 G1 A4 VExtensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
+ w, [2 l1 c! F( ZThe rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
! _1 q) P5 ~9 T4 I5 A9 r$ A8 wuntil someone needs $5.
& j" g- M, n+ M( [% H( m& d) vMust be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
: K4 |6 @$ `& Q% M1 ZAlso, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule
8 k$ j# p' `, Z3 b$ cand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
, R! ?0 w9 O9 {. Pthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
! ?; t, G4 E6 e6 l1 a# D# zMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets
  D) P& W9 l" t3 p) O; r1 O' }! zand stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
$ V1 q0 A( Y. W( z" f1 Acoordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
6 B  @% i" W% D* ~( {5 UMust be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
+ T7 W6 c8 T5 r. Z& K% oan embarrassment the next.
5 \3 ?" s# g) hMust handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
/ V' o4 N/ I% x1 ]the quality of the end product.
" `: z. f- t9 I% G3 a7 V2 CResponsibilities also include floor maintenance and
( w7 [* L7 b& e+ i/ B8 A7 Gjanitorial work  throughout the facility.

5 T- v. f, p1 a& Y7 g9 `- OPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining,constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge
/ Q4 s, P; X( Scan ultimately surpass you.

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; O7 P/ v; T8 ?3 g8 y( l6 A/ RPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
+ N- {' Z% y  I8 Z: _: ~Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
+ a! P; _- D% K/ ^; q( \) h  {a balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
" |$ J$ A! D+ z, A+ y7 P, ebecome financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
2 ^3 B& @2 i; Z8 @5 ]. \. Cyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

9 S7 T& j2 Q* n1 {- UBENEFITS:
* ]# b2 w1 }# g1 W8 F: rWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
+ s) z# g# a/ V1 {no stock options are offered,
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,
1 y% S* j. h& H9 w0 m4 v% J  N
unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses
2 {' s' u; J+ V# p0 L
for life if you play your cards right.

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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.

billzhao

Great!

朝阳

i won't apply. i just think personally i can only be my own kids' parent.