Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
6 j- u+ t$ \& |0 Q7 l9 z/ FCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- Z: N2 `4 m8 T3 S! d9 U" j  z8 qVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9 B2 Q; G8 n5 G7 l3 N- cBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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" A! }$ j$ k9 ?; [/ ]STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

# `# S$ ~1 V5 k/ X; a6 `- B& j+ HFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  ]- ~( B, i1 ?% p2 \# kMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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% `( O, p. @. c8 w3 s+ YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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, r6 @( l% }8 nYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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4 ]& P6 S; T' z$ {INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; {. `- A/ o! }) tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* |: s0 O- F& h& mIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
, ?9 A2 J1 ~4 {' NWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
6 m9 w* k/ u. J  }( _1 PBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 h6 k2 i- f% K* I6 O: p- sBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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9 P+ p5 a  v, A5 ?% ]7 h+ JPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵