Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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% K8 J( I1 s- E' D* QCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
! o6 i9 G' Q7 l. @1 U# D" e7 v7 }, \CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
+ G: A! \0 y  x# n+ hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

& n7 \8 D& P% J5 [" KVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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/ R2 j- i+ o  F+ @, n1 L2 eBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

, V9 r9 Z& H- O" Q6 Y& ]3 JSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

8 E0 C( I  L3 R: h9 P0 ~STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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5 ]* o. U, e6 m. t7 Y- nSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

1 o* _( |1 c" q& N# k# tCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

% T- ^: \7 U8 _+ PYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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2 Y! k) }9 K: w2 @WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# a+ W% T! b, iINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' v  P0 Z0 `/ c  kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ e( O, P6 T5 z$ l4 [But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 p1 B% Z; ^" S/ K, hBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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! K* D  t/ r4 E/ S/ O; O/ R0 eWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
6 e) v6 q5 J; I. R" A. x, d9 y                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵