Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

; |/ f+ S& D# h" `, f9 e$ V- pCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

" H4 p) H3 j' K4 YVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

( S2 q- a9 O$ E# T0 P' T+ uP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- D# L9 A/ m# |$ `7 DSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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: s9 P* C' s" o5 `5 mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

* w, F$ R* p+ R1 Q1 z9 C4 M) vCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

3 `* P& t/ ?; q' |" O) e0 Z0 ^YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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7 \0 B# F5 K" k  f8 _% P7 R9 s( q5 EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

( o' X/ m  x* m+ @4 \+ {. A4 MPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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/ k* n" ^2 l; D, I+ x' TIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
# L+ O/ f; U# u. RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
+ S( G* V( A4 c4 R* cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵