Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 b4 E* |! k& v' yCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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+ S6 c, k1 S4 K( e$ SBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& U8 a* `) O' ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

" m# r& K1 B* U% z/ jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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4 |, F0 ^6 T7 d) QP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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9 I6 E7 S3 ]8 ?: H1 |* ~$ l+ `/ jBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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5 a+ q) n; f- u$ N* ?% zSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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+ l+ E+ J/ E! t- M! _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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; g( e9 @* R- RFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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4 G0 ^" P8 ?% r* ?' cCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" ?) u. B. t9 P* w8 m. \" hBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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; C. s. a7 |& M0 ?4 l, K# F1 LWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

$ `7 S4 h) F: \. y                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵