Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

( \9 D4 o- L+ p" \  rCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
6 f# n. C# X" t& ~0 q) n, QBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

2 t  ?4 R! M8 y, W1 u/ ^VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# Y: x8 `7 d: B  _8 I! PSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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# l% y  Z( `: s8 O7 IFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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" C" n8 z2 U3 i9 j' ?9 j! I' j9 RCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

1 k* ^3 ?# |" L0 \YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
) m# D% w+ j& X6 ]) YWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' r2 F( l) K3 S' u9 J5 t) ~* }But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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2 h! H, l& W, Q' M* C; ]' WWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! N7 w+ P/ c& R  ?% Y0 A0 r                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
7 n3 F8 g/ X) L% z& y, P! l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵