Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. ^+ f# G' Q4 @9 z3 w# L% GCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

) F+ Z( |0 r: e! c4 R) R% v8 `# aBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' l% x) ^/ c  @# t; o8 }( W; `BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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4 A- d0 M: R: h; j* x4 t( |( [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

, _7 i, ?# V0 u0 T/ F7 F  z  XBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 M+ t- g- ~! }' L+ t" ?STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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# C: \" }0 N+ W+ j+ ]# }% zFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

6 d0 u) m& \+ Y' a1 q- d3 YYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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& H- m) U: Z! p1 b- @& D* @PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
/ n+ q# y8 I& }With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
# M+ d6 Q" B- d, |1 ^With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 X- h9 g) u4 U# `/ ]& VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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5 m1 m* Q: r9 y% ]0 Y" X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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& H5 p+ h- B7 f; M* T/ k) g5 g& P' `+ ?                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵