Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
) @1 l) n& t5 z* Y' J9 v
9 y* k+ a6 W8 B1 g9 J% N8 ACEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
7 h7 p) q+ o$ C( w' iCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
% \! {3 X" m& W4 n( ]
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- |3 a+ j: {( g: s" B% [9 Z8 ]: E
/ ^; @% S/ K4 Z( X' t1 s) L& oP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

; ?/ S# E% G& F! DBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
4 }- Z- }0 O( ?" k( ?3 c6 Z8 P
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
9 M0 o. ^+ o( c
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
5 [$ j6 p! b" ~2 x3 m0 f3 T/ w
" X0 p+ E3 j0 A& J& T  ?  x5 n- G3 ^FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 b7 o7 f$ o$ d0 a: eCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
7 I/ q+ c. ?4 [' Z9 ]
6 p; R, N( @+ v  X4 WYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
( V4 R7 N5 a7 O+ g1 @
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
# G( N- V9 \4 x' u, a0 }4 ?
, u3 y, A" Q8 ]  B2 Z& f  w0 cINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
/ Z7 y6 M( P1 `" K* a
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
. l$ u3 B+ y) M9 S5 ~2 e. o: `; ~
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; Q) H/ E5 Z5 M* P' W  jBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) A/ B) Y: E3 a$ ]; q3 RBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
: g- M, X  q$ M/ Z. k/ n# V$ i
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
; l6 g; J4 E$ W) L
" _; p0 |5 r: e; P                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
: X% w/ [" R" V' A1 _2 h$ P6 a
, A1 s: @- T6 h. P/ `6 d``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; r" u2 W; p: k7 O                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵