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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
6 a( N2 W/ u* s& k1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   ' K: b8 q6 i4 w
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 9 A  G9 o* u4 c
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. , h# p/ w& c5 Q
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. ( `/ b" N- ~+ L0 U2 L! S2 t

( z. C9 Z* ~2 ^. o- uSick Days: $ s* r, h) t! k, o  I
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. - F" m9 J) @9 @4 J$ O
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Personal Days: 6 D/ U7 `$ q+ [2 P8 \" {5 X" g
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 1 p+ a. J& z: |/ F3 C- `7 N) [
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Bereavement Leave: 8 |: E9 y, A. M% @' Z4 s& F
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
  f' `( G4 y$ c8 I) {/ N2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
9 @& V* O- ]1 m0 z+ h3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   ) L4 S) O, B0 O& V: ~4 s
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. & j( \# d3 g' i0 P

! b2 P  C" Z/ v/ Z& {4 e3 KBathroom Breaks:
4 a& b5 H# r0 @' X1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
6 f1 a3 Z* n8 K2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   2 U/ z  J- x4 f; }7 s" T
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
5 P3 u; P5 {8 D  K4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 1 f" w9 M! w! Z, o$ y) @8 t; c

" f# t! w6 U: }) s( ~. p; t9 qLunch Break:
- p* {- y7 {" R1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
3 Y" A) E! P% \4 e2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 4 C  A# {. Y3 s$ \
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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& g5 R7 R" y8 C. a! {Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. $ M& O3 X, R" H' t
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The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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