办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
5 ^. B- c% W* N5 |! i1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
8 i4 I7 G: |) H/ e3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
+ [& [, F, N! S1 A0 W  m8 S- ?3 V4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
  x1 r4 {4 ]0 Y2 HWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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* `% @% e2 c* H; D6 sBereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
: }. A( h2 F2 l  b6 ]3 D' C. x2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
; ^+ C$ m# u! u: [3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
6 j# m) A) |7 k2 @, [4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

. J/ i6 O4 @4 |: h( ]Bathroom Breaks:
2 `* F* E2 y2 R7 t) }* V( y/ ]1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
# Y! t- m% q& R- c" a2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
4 C' t( X% J# A7 X4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
8 o4 E9 q& ]7 R' q1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
) m5 V8 A) _) V9 E& D9 @# r3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

: @/ ?. h8 A4 g- [- o& F+ W6 @Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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The Management

$ `9 M  ]& y1 ?! W' B; ZPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.