 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code:
! S, P: T5 d2 V, N& r1 ?7 u1 H: s1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 7 e: Q' Y( g5 D2 a% C
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
6 c6 ^ i4 S3 {. A l" h3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
% t! `9 W4 E- C- g4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. ' g: |7 p, Z( v X/ l1 h
6 l, r2 J3 C+ b* X6 i" TSick Days:
4 ]' N. \. K( ?: M6 q, wWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. $ z( R3 ?) G! ]0 a; ^
& r3 _. q/ X5 K) U7 LPersonal Days:
& K. `7 B d1 |6 g' c4 i9 f# LEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 8 d! i% Q+ K( H% u
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Bereavement Leave: + J" |; H6 L0 x5 `' W
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
, i; I* q7 W) Y: d8 N, C2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
- c x! [# C2 u. _' w2 K3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. + i2 u/ H# w+ F; l- n
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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5 ]: F$ E; V3 _; M" fBathroom Breaks: $ {) f0 N( a: w ?4 f$ w" H
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. . `3 x. d% Q3 |" J9 ^% q) X
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
1 R/ p1 \3 i: A+ h3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. % W# S8 V W |' \
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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% [ @* [$ p; i) i5 Y5 o2 \; DLunch Break:
$ V3 o; F2 v0 d1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
; T. x, p) _# D1 a4 |3 m0 w6 G2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. # t; s7 F' z" }& P/ a
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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# U* g( P* U d* |5 b# Y" Y6 sThe Management
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; S1 a' U6 b1 w! y& |- u7 e }Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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