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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:
( M( \- t5 F% X( @% P- F1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
. S" F) [0 \4 d1 T" W2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
. W  C. ~- L8 K) V3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
0 ]$ p% j/ e! @% f9 X6 b! C4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. ) g. d3 M9 p% k  B! c, H5 ?/ p6 F4 U
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Sick Days:
. T/ J8 b! ~" ^0 D3 eWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. ( E% R3 o$ {$ l0 x; p( E# `
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Personal Days: 6 L( {* X$ @3 H3 M; ]; y. M
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. - s8 v+ _* U3 c8 o0 I/ Q$ y0 ^) N

* K' d$ O: x3 p7 \: g# XBereavement Leave: 7 d- a2 b7 y; B$ x
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   : m- g* i2 w2 ~6 z
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
9 E) t6 c+ q5 O6 M+ _3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   : [% F. b! G' [) @/ k2 v; R( O: Q
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. 8 q  p7 W- g2 u+ C6 Q

6 R3 `! [7 o4 L2 `Bathroom Breaks:
1 ]% t: u* L- R" Z1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   8 h' @/ ?4 M5 d
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   / C, E# e/ j0 {! U( K
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
. m; G# B) o& @# R+ X4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: / w$ j7 f$ m+ \- r2 E1 }. R
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
" M/ M6 W! C3 z+ O# t2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. ! I7 ?- \0 W/ m( p/ H8 q
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 5 U; s; G; i! W. k
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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( y4 I, B- G$ V2 I. g/ t; NThe Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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