办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
7 _5 I4 j% r0 N- e1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
& ]; e; o6 R/ n$ Y, ]! F) ^& x2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
. r( S4 w' E# r# `  p3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
: d3 |; l3 ^8 K( {4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
; f4 ^' {& S' M: P& k. SWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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* t) u1 I9 S' O; b8 @* WBereavement Leave:
9 b5 y( f+ q0 }, N1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
/ L: U1 D! G5 H: g# b2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
2 M+ i/ X+ ]  A4 ^! d4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

; I+ C9 d# `' B& KBathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
! z& C; @. N# s; `8 C6 V0 p7 T4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
+ J" G0 w8 Z1 [' D+ M4 j1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2 U, V, z1 I8 T; ]& t2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
2 b: c: Z8 i% w" a3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

/ v. f; B7 P  T: U1 Y4 pThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

6 K% l1 x  ?* ~% iPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.