 鲜花( 47)  鸡蛋( 0)
|
Dress Code:
6 a( N2 W/ u* s& k1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. ' K: b8 q6 i4 w
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 9 A G9 o* u4 c
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. , h# p/ w& c5 Q
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. ( `/ b" N- ~+ L0 U2 L! S2 t
( z. C9 Z* ~2 ^. o- uSick Days: $ s* r, h) t! k, o I
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. - F" m9 J) @9 @4 J$ O
) c1 y; s" F$ g, N
Personal Days: 6 D/ U7 `$ q+ [2 P8 \" {5 X" g
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 1 p+ a. J& z: |/ F3 C- `7 N) [
) O( j& l; z: y% g, e( f6 q7 h E9 T
Bereavement Leave: 8 |: E9 y, A. M% @' Z4 s& F
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
f' `( G4 y$ c8 I) {/ N2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
9 @& V* O- ]1 m0 z+ h3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon. ) L4 S) O, B0 O& V: ~4 s
4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. & j( \# d3 g' i0 P
! b2 P C" Z/ v/ Z& {4 e3 KBathroom Breaks:
4 a& b5 H# r0 @' X1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
6 f1 a3 Z* n8 K2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. 2 U/ z J- x4 f; }7 s" T
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
5 P3 u; P5 {8 D K4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy. 1 f" w9 M! w! Z, o$ y) @8 t; c
" f# t! w6 U: }) s( ~. p; t9 qLunch Break:
- p* {- y7 {" R1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
3 Y" A) E! P% \4 e2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 4 C A# {. Y3 s$ \
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
+ w( h6 R! b$ @: b6 G1 Y
& g5 R7 R" y8 C. a! {Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. $ M& O3 X, R" H' t
% S* n5 X) u# ], T% D
The Management
! n0 u* c) M8 X% p- V ^0 f+ h j( N; u! w# ~
Pass this on to all who are employed. |
|