Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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5 Q1 j$ P6 J- L/ R> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
) ~0 e3 u" u7 e> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
. M2 r6 P; W) v>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
$ D; \. R# Z. R7 u0 O> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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/ b' J1 F; T  h/ ?4 T. m> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 |0 Z) X4 i3 h5 O>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
5 S, \+ T8 p4 ^; c+ B9 `! N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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4 S* D; b& R  T9 ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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2 \' `+ J) W- c" u2 ^& c% }0 b' _. w> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" o9 B6 ^# k6 ?- D" m" M> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" n$ i' u8 i6 \  @6 @> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
8 X' J& U2 m/ S( ^& {! w> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
7 s; Z" Y: e( D# |> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
. @" s& Z. s- x4 ~( [$ o> > > >"That's what I said!"
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4 {. V& T9 i- u2 e9 ?8 x2 I% g2 t> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
- [+ [; D" j7 Z- [3 f( l# T4 Q> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
: k' R! U# \8 \8 }) C+ L" z> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
. Y. |  v" C6 ~8 g> > > >piss!!"
* p2 Y# X2 G1 U4 p% C8 k> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
% x3 d8 P) {* _> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
/ a1 t! e7 s4 f- Y. j> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
1 M; u7 V' Z) g2 ], I  u/ c> > > >allow
, J/ N7 s& \  V5 \> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
6 o) |/ I1 l% o7 k> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
' k, e3 K( h& |  G2 Q5 a> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
( P7 ~: J; s8 w8 _& v* H> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. K' i8 o) Q3 Y$ _0 M> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
0 @0 `, _. G7 W2 g$ k$ ]6 ?> > > >called on little TONY.
4 A5 ?3 x+ W5 f; K, _# O& k  O> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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$ o! ?2 Z: q( ]1 S0 R3 V$ L> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 _( \3 W: L7 d: S) k> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
+ {8 i3 _; E3 }. u* H> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
/ O$ Z3 G5 z$ j> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business