Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
" j0 h. L! w% f. j" i> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
: k/ G5 k0 v% G3 [6 K4 p>thinking."
$ x0 D0 ?+ ]$ P6 a9 ^0 ?) O8 h7 q; a, ]> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
7 J: U* D1 E' }> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
8 f( H; o2 a  k  u% ^> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
+ R0 C9 U' U: C; x& w> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
  `  M: l* o9 L7 X+ m> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
' t/ C/ V8 k" J3 t- k1 C> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
- Y8 {( a* F+ X  j4 C> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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( ]# E4 Q5 O! D1 F% g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 o6 n, Z" f! g( O2 _3 R> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
% B% ~" P' f6 ]+ O2 H# K> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 g4 z; |- M, x2 C> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
% i; I) K, I& r* ~* J3 j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
, t7 G" F) c# R8 ?2 C* l> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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6 H6 r9 x/ A* X2 R! H7 e1 d3 s> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
. y$ e& ?& U" _) [! l! {  w> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
# A/ L: G  k) D; `> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ O: I8 K9 x8 p. T3 d  ]> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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6 `, {) B( W- m. q> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
" J7 o" d/ n7 |6 T2 E4 m> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
; a: J# h! U2 f( e+ V) s> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
9 s) N2 Y" a) k8 a* K> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, d" k- f3 x* l. l* M& e> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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0 ?. p$ |3 p" S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 F. [+ K6 J  v$ ?4 Q> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
+ Y5 _5 L* _/ K7 \+ K8 C> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# H$ @  a, v' i8 G1 {9 N! r> > > >same sentence twice.
$ f9 T1 |& s2 Q> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
# I; P. N+ C# H1 y$ E> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
! N8 m; E, k! p9 q> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
' X" ?& w' g* b> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 T' l: Q: ?# g' @. u! R3 I1 h> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
4 C" x8 N* n: W/ `> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
! X  k% p. F2 ?4 y> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business