Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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+ i' t1 ~" D" F' _: T> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
& m5 j: N* ^5 z1 X2 p> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
! G7 u4 w5 d$ F3 o% j> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
5 X8 g2 n0 M4 L  H' [- I> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
8 V2 Z% L, a% b& D# W1 a> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
& P! e; M" v9 u$ x# x. A( k> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
! {$ E$ {4 b( v, q3 E" G4 u7 z, _> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' `$ ?7 ?% @  _* B> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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6 k# O+ b4 Y# u" l) ^+ m0 ?4 E> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
4 J& b* W  r5 b' V, O1 m> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
0 z  ]5 Y( ?3 v6 x! Y& U> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
% M) [5 [4 o& J$ Q) l> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 J( _' ]9 u% h, _, L> > > >"That's what I said!"
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" O. }( T2 E* n- ?2 Q" I( K/ S) n; \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
/ z+ P. G/ b8 Y0 w> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
& V/ ~' B+ }7 I  s> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
% |2 t1 Y6 ]4 `% _& h& \. ]7 G- f> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( C& y) P$ [) ?+ J5 ?: L# Y% t> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
" P" n+ F, g. q% y) O! l' f> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' {# x) v+ a# e4 y! d4 Z9 m2 T> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
7 @- M' P* I% v0 R6 X4 H; M; D7 J> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
: X! N; G9 p/ m& h% O> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
; h2 z8 i% A8 _) Y3 g' ?6 Z> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
! f# `: Z( \# Z& U> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
8 r7 _+ i. u* @. g# E# I: v7 }" N> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
% U7 m7 Y( `  d% H> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 i- A( L. ]! x' J' |1 N> > > >beautifully."
( w" y4 @0 `$ p4 a, c> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  d2 g/ b" t6 Q* l& |> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& v+ Q( C6 t# n! g7 Q) c9 u> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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2 P$ `3 L0 \2 e7 k' k% t5 A, x> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
7 H1 V. k4 I# I$ T> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
+ e8 S; A4 L+ P& C/ L' d. D7 i0 q> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
! @) G# v; t) C  f> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
/ ?0 w* r" B8 m& a/ K, l8 p, [> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business