Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
/ O- D% T" ?+ Q# v> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
0 k* ^4 [2 N/ |2 N6 N> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
# E9 H# Y9 [4 f4 @- \5 m* @- ^* W> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- h  \4 B5 c. W/ Y> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
* S& l3 L3 B/ Z) O) g& A( o> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
  F6 d. s+ l0 Y2 H. o> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
4 z3 `0 G  A$ O3 I# x> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- ~/ G  Z: Z& J4 V9 f> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ Y; o6 m6 `% I) ?8 L* p> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
5 }) X2 g$ C! S+ x> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
  @& O1 \9 `. e: G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
; }( ^# e! {% w> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
0 |/ J( p9 @" \2 V4 J> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
  _. \/ I9 z9 c+ C% v> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 P+ A! i) _- q/ `4 R& ], ~> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
* F  `2 v/ R  o3 C3 C6 n) n> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ b4 {) Z  ^; C  f3 H> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
7 c% X  c8 J- b: z" v  k; @> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
2 R3 V0 o4 L1 I$ a$ q> > > >
$ |4 l5 O, Q4 k3 x% _, J! L( _> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
; G4 J7 _9 f0 P* [> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
8 m) o) k9 @2 |# k+ P* e) M> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
3 G$ q4 x( m. O" [> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
8 z4 L% _, R; p( R1 e5 l. P& h# q> > > >
0 f1 }8 S" I' W& p" X% s  C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
7 M# c) l/ t4 [3 Z/ g7 D: d; H- s> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
) `& S- @! D2 m& Z4 l- P' P7 d; }3 j8 X> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
" C! O) A) J- P" v* m( k1 B> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
$ {  _6 v# o4 @" F: M> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
  @- F! S/ ^( p1 `" s> > > >
3 N" z( u. F& r% N; W. `> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
6 n# a3 O  {7 j7 R" A> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
( f6 ~7 t, \' P8 A) ~7 Z6 h$ T> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
1 f% }* r7 F$ e8 j% [. O; s- \> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
4 b+ F) l: K/ T9 R9 V5 h0 M> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
5 S  R& W: L2 r" b+ c" O> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ K) A- [8 n$ i, S8 m> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
5 E1 d- m) ?7 U# L$ b& A> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business