Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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" {* K% ~) g, n- E- a> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
- }/ y' b3 z8 M> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
# [; J$ o' f  k( S: T> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
( G* ]. p! E" n0 ?$ x- M1 d>thinking."
2 r' ~6 ?% v% n( t9 ~, B& o: H) R> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
& n# }6 D8 C# b6 \, X* V; p) y' |> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, z$ D0 S" k9 x& T- Y> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
, ?. L- c4 @: Z4 i% x> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
3 I) U  N+ u! O( x7 M8 g: |& j+ S> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
$ y% ]' h% i, Z# K% p2 K( y! d) W6 l' q> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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; a0 w& ?/ Q  J4 p5 D7 Q! f7 t6 _> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
* G0 M. I; h! A" o0 `% H3 j> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
- ~: O- B8 E7 s  i; J. R0 ?> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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$ Y4 j0 J. c% }4 \% D) F> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
# Q& S# r' y: z* l  J; G; m$ T> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
  `' J# L: f1 C! k  l> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
3 z% c3 [" p2 \  y8 E" P% s% z3 Q> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
/ G3 K. i6 y4 P4 |) j7 w! _> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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- u- {" b: n+ b; V$ q: F> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
& c$ v, I; X% v% @> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
( U! A' }+ n; r0 k> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
/ m- t1 m- s1 ^8 L  q8 r" [> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
/ P6 A3 n+ h/ c$ r4 Z( ~* w3 W> > > >you to go."
0 ^1 y% [. P+ ^# |! [' I/ A( f> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
( I% E8 r# L5 u- F% ^, C> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
9 ~) I! M8 B" B> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
5 q2 v* I' `7 T$ M/ [7 z4 ^' ?> > > >called on little TONY.
8 b/ Q* I: Y. P> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
/ G. }- P5 I3 E+ K% S> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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; b2 {/ K# c9 C( P% `. t' A6 M> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
5 F$ _6 Z# m0 D  _> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
8 e3 }5 q8 A. ^2 \9 w# J> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business