Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 h3 B+ A5 r: O/ O> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
* h7 V  a' n; H3 [( @> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
/ L6 k9 {# S3 }$ X3 v! `, k  Z> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ t9 p- ^5 V/ }2 r$ I, J6 W>thinking."
- E$ f5 s2 K( V! [9 S' v> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
) b/ k' Q2 ^! P# L# E, o> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
- k/ i3 k; u7 E  Z& @3 G- W2 ]> > > >Which one is married?"
3 m; `9 j7 n, F# v4 t> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
9 Q% R0 R# V4 h$ O* F9 n0 U! T> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
$ x) |% A3 L- k: \/ B% M, R  [> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
6 X$ C: x! t! N& ~$ Z  M0 D> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
% ^" o; B+ S2 K, `$ B> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
; s7 ~( N  b8 C* T5 N$ H8 p> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
, ?+ p6 J7 c& D$ v> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
7 Q* y: H/ S0 n8 f1 Z# j> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
; X0 c$ m& K3 o9 [> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
: v* L- ~3 \; u, X3 v" M* I/ u4 \> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
# j; Q3 j7 D- s5 n> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
' g1 w3 [: o) Y" y* m> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
4 ~# s) r' t. E8 i, t> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
2 E4 o' U: X# [9 X> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
' A: S; h. j/ P> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
& {0 z' I0 ?: k& x' V" w> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
, o' o- ~1 [0 Z# ^' R* X6 J> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
! I, `: Q9 E. Y> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
- G- c, p; n/ s1 C1 A. Q> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ p- Y; ~) X& H, X) [; E1 Z' W% w% N0 [> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
5 o4 o& W' W' X% P> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
$ ^% ^/ Z5 `  S! j6 s# J> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
# W6 P0 O8 o) [6 x> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
; E/ s: N+ i# e* U1 L> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
% U1 `- d+ C, @& A> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business