Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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2 Z! Y8 \$ z( s; p# m$ D" ^> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
' D) `  p. Q; J/ H> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
4 J6 `+ l  t: C* F> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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& p  V  p. c$ h) r5 }# V2 h! G- \> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
. T$ H" Q% o- r0 S>cream.
# Z+ J6 }3 D1 v" ~/ e8 |> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
; [3 f; y4 _6 l7 }7 w> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
/ R% H3 y& _3 M. D* s, I> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
8 X9 n- o# e: @2 E, N> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
; |0 w8 A& n5 L. E9 `> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
+ ~) U8 p" D. I3 T  a> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
0 K1 ~" }- {3 R* V) ?' h> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
' g# H: Q, c: Q> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
: M; c/ W) h1 O" P" k> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
. M1 l. {3 ?+ m0 }3 r> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
; h2 y# S  ~' [4 O- b( ^> > > >allow
5 z, Q% R4 Z3 x. G7 f8 W> > > >you to go."
* H7 o( L( _4 R' f' `> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
+ P7 y& g6 P. E> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# w: [! T1 S: @5 D% c1 ^> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
6 u9 V( U) ]: v* M0 o" R> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 M7 Q. m, ?: h  \+ s5 z> > > >beautifully."
( [6 T- O7 l; p8 t- Y. {6 u> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 F/ L( a/ Q* B# o* R- ~> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
# S0 z' y% ]6 W> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
: `& J: Z. q/ @6 S> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
! k3 ?' ^8 |) Z3 G% _  k, y& g> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
! `9 U3 @3 D) M+ J> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business