请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# x- O( y8 z& K; y4 g9 hBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
( O' B: K, K1 a' e
1 ?( Y2 T+ g, e
& N' }0 ]# @; }8 k" D1 ?: l: J
5 T% i3 W- Y8 p9 P; t


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
+ o$ `' m) S0 i3 l- }: D& {              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
1 ]; Q& w& l) E. Z              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
: R8 J. u  H0 ]7 n1 t6 y# a3 s  s              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
$ _2 }3 C# ?5 c9 G  B. d* F              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
7 U% Y* {0 |2 v, F             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
* F$ o& d$ f) i8 U: RNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
2 ^3 `% m* Z2 eBasically, I almost finish this poem
; |5 p1 s$ K! s& ~, V' R* Q: f  K               I am 一个人de精彩
( g, u8 s, ?3 }               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
, W4 G# v* B4 BIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

7 _9 V; I. e; d. ]卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
# ]+ j& m" _* N9 ]7 r; I! BSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
) g% K& S$ K' @/ |0 ]& n: m+ fSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% q8 i' o7 Z/ n) W6 B' x7 qSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. e* v+ b2 {5 I$ M
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

0 E  |* m) K1 x3 }+ O* oSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
3 f8 Q, n& J+ S$ @6 [+ eHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

) R/ o. t/ J6 O2 D+ \8 c" R8 q4 @( `: f' @somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
3 N. z/ B2 ?( o8 {4 ^somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, j- o/ f. ?2 {+ b; R! N/ |: c哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？