请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
+ a+ k* H, H! Q7 W) AThanks a lot!!!


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, E3 X9 A: `( tFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
( K5 A* i5 h3 M8 Z5 k              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
. `* |- v* }; c# q7 G              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
  E2 R2 j* Z7 a              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
2 k. M$ t& o* p2 i: }' {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" x. m' N% f5 e2 Y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% Q6 X, h. _" i. u             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
* ]6 t/ L! w2 _) k- F; sBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
; k8 Q4 K9 `& i' T* yIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
3 U" k. A' @' p- |3 P# YSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
! A( v/ h  e2 J* XSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 M& x* K5 p9 f9 |Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- y+ f0 r. @: F$ K: ^
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, E  d5 ?( ^9 D9 f& {2 y
% ~# C% f9 Y2 i! l- }Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- Z/ }, Q- t( X0 B+ [; iSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& \$ n( K' Q% d; m2 K- S  n================================================
" j+ W) V, D& Y- x1 X9 a- m7 ~+ U0 HHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
( P5 P) H1 h3 _. Z8 f  J1 e( n, k
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
+ d+ }7 w/ d5 C) w3 esomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？