请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ s* E. O" B4 Y8 f6 N. n4 WBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
9 Z% N  v$ ]. UThanks a lot!!!

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( Y* h3 p$ U& {- ]+ n# ^2 I/ yFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
: y" _! }1 q, a4 i& ?6 B  ?6 Z/ \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
7 T9 M6 f* B& _              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
; B) n$ K8 o+ {3 _4 f              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 b# ^1 y" D' Z1 R- g0 a0 I7 R6 n4 ~             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( I# A0 l' M4 B+ l" M$ X1 D             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 A: J- C' Y3 A) |; g9 C$ [9 O6 Z$ S             somehow I lost myself inside again
5 Z3 v' s  u  I& S6 p( @: }Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
) j4 n' u+ X$ q( |& e- rSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
* n' w+ ~3 w1 P3 K) d9 A$ x! @Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
5 E/ |4 H+ E8 _. Z# c" d( LSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 t0 o: V0 H5 \; ]/ |+ }Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. X+ {& R- W" f1 m
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- @& O2 H5 g/ s$ t7 zSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, W: a$ f% n1 vSomehow I lost myself inside it again
  r9 U6 M. z* v, Z( t. J0 w/ Q
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
, k2 v  o( ]1 E# J" l" lSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
# W# T7 ?. w2 d) JSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
( O* F3 x, ]& A, m% ]3 h6 W8 U6 lSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
8 R5 Y: }1 Y  u% m) d( C4 ^! h2 c1 ]However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

5 h) |8 S: x9 ?- o$ @. L% E3 j) m7 qsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& F8 j& z3 w$ L4 u5 u" l: Z=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 K( |4 c) Y: {6 q6 h我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？