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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA3 Z5 m% l. v* N: z$ k# W
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0 B" a4 t+ N! K% s- P7 i 1. Bring your own house.6 c+ A& ~* Z, ~: o3 U
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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# ~$ v9 c' V% d 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder4 K6 u" ]4 {2 y2 G. l4 V" t
capital of Canada .5 E2 v) h J K( m( F: q
9 s: c% G" m; { 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .9 C8 r* L5 c+ V# P
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
5 {# ~! D# p& i5 |capital of Canada .) J q% v" @1 y* i% ^
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
& C7 S# h. y% ]7 F$8.00/hour.$ O- g. r6 J' b9 `
; P4 Q9 g7 n% U% }* h2 z3 C& Q 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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5 s( S, Y. T( |* L$ l 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money3 m5 r7 l+ u% ?, j. e
on a 15 year holiday ?% K& H2 ~ @- C! T% x6 J* }
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
& {- [8 Q/ t- t+ Lprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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- `+ H5 x; g9 t" }8 d9 k* Q7 N10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
; @' R3 X5 T) p5 _: W: Ihere sick.
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- Z# v4 E2 S( u4 m! I3 C2 ^# A8 m11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
. G! L4 }* s$ T6 tyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.0 P1 [. W$ G/ F
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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- t4 E' |! e! k {1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".4 q4 I5 K, |7 A% G
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour* p6 ^" A I8 `8 f0 M' s, x9 ~7 G
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.8 p8 R5 \8 M( P, Q! Z; Z: j
! i* b. H% V' a" H. L3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its: m' `/ [) v0 _# b. h
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" y# C: L# {! x I9 w2 P" Pmuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires* x! J& o+ `7 ~8 x5 W$ B
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell! S/ r* j( A! U6 ~
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way. h( Q; S/ j8 v/ \6 {! [
% O6 T9 R7 t7 B8 g0 \, p x4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
' N: Z1 O9 R- X% Ocussed out, and possibly shot.0 r3 K7 \$ d' E* W5 `( L7 @% k; D! K
/ h) J3 b/ m- p3 Z5 v) t5 z5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
" x: B F, c9 z9 Lcan get you shot.
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( ~; H2 [" S) L& G* h; r5 Y6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
% [ o) F) \# c1 {5 m8 Xbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
* ^1 H( S6 k- g6 D zday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 Z' R* u8 N& ~: r# g9 ~, v& `more construction starts everyday. R2 h9 n" `7 v+ N7 L
5 G5 C' i0 O5 ]7 x' A 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
' ~; b# S% x6 w2 Mdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,' i z) T0 _4 Z
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
6 ]7 e+ m, _) r& F1 V4 S1 J4 Z# lthe same road.6 j# M4 e4 l* @( E5 c# K
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the! M+ c9 W6 }1 j
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
& w4 p3 m3 l( N" f0 [9 S1 Qzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
) `; \& T4 ^5 [ Q- @+ Taccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur: t6 \- Y7 \; V( O: f$ M& A
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
& _/ q& ~4 @$ T {9 Sblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
- t- t; ?' j/ y1 X* Xvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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