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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA* E( \% R+ a; v4 m& W
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: |8 Y+ u3 k+ B6 G: \ 1. Bring your own house.
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+ l2 d5 z" U0 Y 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and. B! C% C& L3 x t- w+ X5 E
hospital.
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1 `6 l8 m- \: \3 h 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder; o% B2 x2 ] ?6 w
capital of Canada .
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; F! F, \3 h# l6 y3 f 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .; r& K! @& ?. O9 ~1 Z1 w1 C$ ~
( K. Z* K; L6 N6 e 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug3 N/ g3 u) ~$ t9 e6 |! }! p
capital of Canada .
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
. x. T) x6 K8 ?4 C" `& c) Q- i$8.00/hour.; R$ |6 m* g7 R0 \. R
; R/ s' z% J9 r1 s; }; g 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour./ }) H+ E2 Q2 D
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
. P9 t1 f1 x& s* @' D* _. gon a 15 year holiday ?' H) z8 W; L+ ^/ z- n) W$ B$ x* q
) K' T) L p" y g- F8 }, @/ d) H& m U 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
5 N7 J! ~3 \9 `% Eprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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, ^! b) R& U$ J6 A, s10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come7 O8 ]3 D2 I5 i( H
here sick.
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+ @ `3 w% a, B11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 121 b u" V" ^/ k" k% ^8 n
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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0 Y$ y& z! @; q THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :/ t9 }- S0 {0 ~ L. f% D
}- N( p+ P# p/ ^1 ~" C" A1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".) G8 x6 T. N; g) B' ]
" U: N+ f8 H: ^9 I2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
9 u1 v! V6 U; ^7 g& S# g2 cis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.8 q& H1 S" o* I3 f
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
- u8 }; W6 v1 cown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest; E! e* {8 t+ q1 @7 a% N
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires- g0 N' C. b8 v" a, i
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
6 J; W" m; L7 ^- J& q8 \! q0 Vphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.% G+ J" g- b3 y8 i! `+ \4 Y
) _, l/ k7 O' Z4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
0 _" j2 B2 g$ v2 ycussed out, and possibly shot.; `! G( e I8 _8 l% f ~
2 o! @2 S. P6 `' K# \5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that. b9 W: @* @: u( C, n+ w, Y; A8 H
can get you shot.9 }9 D' v/ `. v7 R4 ~. M
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour0 S @0 J9 Z0 K" x
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next2 u5 _9 z' `1 ~; h4 A* z' u
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and0 U; T: B5 a8 s/ c+ X$ {
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,9 X5 A9 U; V, @/ `. S5 c
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
3 w! u' [" }7 s' u c8 tsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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3 x7 e5 S# I: u6 M/ c8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
) E9 s; w. p8 ]" p/ I+ E6 Gthe same road.
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7 N) k0 Q& ~; w5 q( h0 _9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
/ o9 U2 E8 p* n) o7 G2 F) \" gshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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, O; q8 D# g! j. D10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km, O5 l1 K: |+ g" I0 ~5 N% t/ I
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
1 z0 | J- z: ~+ aaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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6 a6 Q7 m9 \! @2 a11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
( _& I5 c# _+ ^, I( x) ulined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and9 U4 e5 b" d) R4 i9 K$ c
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
+ R0 C5 g" J; e* Uvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
