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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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& x% X. p5 X; j+ E1 cThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . : ]% [3 D$ x5 ?! V; U. g3 M2 z! s% M
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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0 a( } p5 m9 j' P4 d. Q4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 7 a$ B" u% n" Y; J% @
' y. D+ e% @' i7 C1 H5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 7 D' w+ V) J! @ n# X
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. : S/ n9 h* A: k- K
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 9 O" u& c7 K* h$ p4 ^! u
1 p) C3 v3 s6 x0 z1 R! W6 }0 M3 X8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash. 7 P4 q6 u' R0 V/ v0 V
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. - H6 \, f7 h' d0 Q o$ t' Q4 T
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 5 d( P6 G* Z2 ~' k
8 A4 R: C3 q0 a: ^5 y9 K+ o+ N" t11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. ; t* N `0 p% M+ H$ G! }
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12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. + P2 I7 m2 x5 D; u1 z/ Y
( f- o" L; Q; A$ }5 t4 p13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. / g) K5 {* c0 h' `
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. " [4 c: v: P3 v: |' ~: M
$ \) z, Q: c. |15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. % {( p! O7 _) T: m3 d0 c
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist. |
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