Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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! F: B# z$ O: K: g- FCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

3 M) O3 O: E& ~7 o, d/ k5 GBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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7 F; f* c0 e% v5 D; qP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

6 U* ?9 e  c  f/ {, H& n2 o1 MBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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1 k' z2 o1 G4 B# FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

' c, J: ?- v; f! b, i' ZMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

* _/ N2 m" L; X7 y% xINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
$ }- o' A) I' O. s6 jWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: [( x2 P# z. N% J. lBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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4 [' h+ U/ B7 k$ S7 MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

2 @! H. Z" R, k; b4 s7 T% G, C                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 e4 x2 j' Y: A' z! T' T" nPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵