Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; I+ i# N- b. c9 ?0 H- C  w+ m2 TCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. x! H6 s* F  X3 u3 Y: l5 {4 B' ?BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

& T/ Q6 E& e* v. f9 |( IBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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- P( K& U. {5 P7 ]STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

. b3 B) i0 `+ n( K/ t/ H7 g+ cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

& V4 C! f" q9 i$ O6 QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

; O  G1 o4 @/ [0 ^' |7 W; F! d  j7 _9 zPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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( K" a- Z; \! W8 UIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; _5 L/ G4 Z# o: c$ S* ]7 y# d0 Q1 eBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
- c' |  D' v+ g7 l' X. W3 dBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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5 O) c5 m# L5 p' MWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

% r% V4 `1 d( y) i                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
( P3 R: R2 d; m: V  N4 C/ A& u                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵