Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% z, f& ~8 u+ h. U4 ]CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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% J! n8 O) Y, Z) ]# o' N  E- q4 z  HBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
: G3 y: w- P0 R. V) }7 TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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) K# V. j8 \! b5 x) H* gVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

# ^3 V0 H/ d7 h/ g  oP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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  ]5 l. x' r5 n8 l4 }STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

! l6 o1 c$ {1 {- r5 w% \% ?FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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/ [) W7 s1 j! o2 ^  K* bCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

) T( Y2 M; _& T2 `1 L& U$ b3 x8 ^+ E( \0 ]YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

# a' g! B% u4 U* ~WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

# {( @" o' C  ~/ Y5 q+ L( ]" GINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
, q* \2 j0 R( q$ u# ]' U' QBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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# i! L3 Y: s0 jWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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* |; {8 ?' y  o) p& \+ t' rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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% Q  [: v( ^+ l                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵