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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. % k* n6 _) `6 z& h. C7 F$ A$ M
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. 9 ^' K1 m5 X' `1 t, w" z
/ b. i; C s( r+ Z, A( V, VBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 C C' s) G0 m% {" y5 b2 TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. / p* C1 U1 J o; J0 y" W: ]
" [& I$ N7 x( j) `: j/ jVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 0 ]/ W; b7 t7 f$ a q, A
) o% C$ m+ G. k9 ]P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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! g, h+ K' f' i& T/ v! {( ]" [7 tBROKER -- What my broker has made me. : P# m7 ^( T. C
p/ p0 X9 u( W+ N% @STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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2 b7 B7 q# ^& M* h, L8 F9 c* q+ YSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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7 K D) E" u2 D% l8 o+ g# mSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( }* t) Q1 |1 E6 cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 6 E- ?& x3 K9 c& M, h* M
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. 5 d1 m0 Z) g3 o" e6 Q6 }5 T
, X$ Y* F! M. e! D' |$ s3 I, XCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 7 r8 x( V. {8 x
; T) o( \6 E: t5 A, dYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ; k/ [- K3 W3 }+ | f" M
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 J* B$ Q& }, G8 ?" MINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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% G( G8 y9 [0 Y4 B7 uPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.( Q9 A+ B4 b; t
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 f4 h: n5 h: xWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
7 @! S9 s# a! d$ T IWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. a7 N/ e1 X" hBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. 2 \1 u2 X1 B* l+ V
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.: q; r9 _% h) H9 Q. z
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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0 @- c# m( u* w u A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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( w* |2 M% A w' b+ SPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... ) o* @3 I( g4 F$ X
# Q4 A8 J+ p: A ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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