Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
5 e; U) `9 X6 T: _/ _( n5 F2 Q
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
# O# _+ m3 _  @! s
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
5 k+ w3 }$ N, I- W
/ A& V" Y& G  t+ wP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

5 ~; I  a# K  A8 [6 h9 J( W+ USTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
: [( ]3 N4 m9 _" y- I
  R2 l1 k3 I; s4 vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

9 M8 F! D2 o& d$ S/ ?- K+ J+ qSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

3 s0 F/ I! L5 @9 B# |! hFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
. {2 ~6 u& g8 y4 {
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
! r9 Y* ^( b7 r3 |& F
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
3 M, {: D+ Z& n  g8 `$ n+ M
6 i; r' K. |7 n: l! EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
) t$ A$ ?1 D7 K9 g1 F- ], |: J
0 @' ]7 B. V4 y9 SINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

" A8 q) I/ A9 U$ g8 `! U+ u. p, ePROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

2 X5 s2 g& J- Y' j. t/ G```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
. y; m( g3 Z" ?' Q" z6 l4 eIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 E, w! B+ @- @+ ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

. u. b3 [4 O+ s2 o$ R8 {6 }5 iWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
  I- Y/ t* t3 p; K0 n
                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
! a* t" u, _, P4 w% l' Z5 K
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵