Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
- N- G. `, F$ C
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
+ E" G% b2 k: Z/ RCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

% _6 ]2 l/ u) RBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( V  Q% J2 |) x0 ABEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

* U3 U  D0 l0 t2 ]VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
+ {/ g7 p+ k' D% ]1 j
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

: {1 f8 A, N" x! l4 k7 Q7 _/ }' p/ pSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

- [" g, Z( P" b# t- O( y% rSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

' Y- w' N8 o! I! ]* l( i. N. KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
8 F' y" Q1 N  a" B8 K/ B6 p
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
0 `. S, K" h' t. V9 y
* D! X% X3 M* \1 {! f9 QCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

. W0 N) [0 D' x, K$ sYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

9 U) }; k/ ]$ O6 tINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

! R! ^9 G2 @7 {: b```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
! ^% k! b+ `1 w6 @With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
  w2 N, h- J0 y- bWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# X" V2 D/ j7 w2 d5 p# HBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ U5 c; n; U0 N6 ]& \/ aBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

: P% [# J6 p& Y' U$ F( S* F% F& C`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

; V+ Z& r) H: y( R3 q% CWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

8 C, \' p+ H/ }* S8 p3 a* I% q' \. j6 n``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
3 Y5 ?! j# X7 O  F( f- J9 EPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
& I5 V- N+ ~9 v- h$ l- x                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵