办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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Sick Days:
& ^+ l# O( p+ F# k1 P5 A5 EWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
6 \- e" q4 z" B* FEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
! g; T. e* r* ?3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
9 Q, ~/ [5 O1 i- ]8 L4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
$ }; W, R6 f/ Q1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
: |" w) N2 N0 m  m2 W4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* T8 W% h1 \' ^+ v! }1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
$ P% Y' L# ~3 o" o3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

& |& p4 ^8 n/ L" \/ Q1 ]Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

8 j  W7 h& ^0 P: L- `: \7 PThe Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.