办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
0 K. |7 N0 O0 M8 R" ~1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
9 d4 d+ x1 n; J7 n. e/ D( [; n3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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/ E7 c1 Y! k; a. n) vSick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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5 {. a6 ~/ {# p( D+ d5 TBereavement Leave:
' E; n, D4 A4 Y/ b5 ?1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
+ G8 `4 v  V9 y; t+ j  C4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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4 Z" L4 o! b# @Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
! `' M/ c$ P4 x  @5 f* D. T4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
, `5 {; C6 w, G) z) n2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
# I3 }# l; i8 m1 w8 q2 @" n# s3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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% F# v+ w2 [" vThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

$ F1 t3 _3 d$ L9 ~/ b! |The Management
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$ a7 v) @$ c1 g, a- x% sPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.