办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
9 q* E$ W3 f' `% c1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
1 R7 P9 g4 z, |3 N8 r3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
  K3 w% W4 u: [1 f4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
) u; |5 }  a  I* i( x% WWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

6 j1 q: y1 G6 B2 v, a9 hPersonal Days:
7 S4 F+ x( o- g6 n: J( TEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

4 d5 K1 O' d% b. u7 C, YBereavement Leave:
' v1 u7 o7 B7 ?% D# M- u8 O1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
( u. Z( T6 _0 |$ E) d' J2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
+ i7 T* v9 b2 `* j3 p( I3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
" l; U& p6 T% Q! W4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
0 F! `# K3 B7 ?! z4 q6 X4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
% }8 x/ N: U1 ~' ^1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

7 v/ {, I! v& t. |) F. zThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

# S# F0 m& h/ ^9 ~0 v0 _The Management
8 u$ M8 o' b, n" T- O& P! U
Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.