Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
) \+ I- W) K9 g4 e) g) c" J% i- n> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
# N, z7 F0 T& A8 O& j/ A5 i# I/ J>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
" ^1 G( q! i& U: f* s> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
" X) g) j3 W5 p5 M> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ I6 y. O; C( _, G7 w/ G. U( E> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
+ V2 O' W' V( S- g> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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% G# \! u) t4 L3 N7 \1 T4 E# |/ }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
+ {" W' t; A! Z& s3 G> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
/ c5 g* q! `5 L" J9 k> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
# b6 F7 N* l/ x  c: h& I; [$ R> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
- G0 l3 Z+ H9 s7 W) _' }> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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/ w' b7 a) L" |# H> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
3 ?$ r8 j4 B5 s1 l+ p> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
( f9 T* a- A* P5 p# _> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
3 j% {5 o! {+ C> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
& Y5 v9 @: g9 W) @4 {+ P( \> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 `0 t& \3 p2 R1 \/ H5 H: C& p> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
( V9 j. e( \6 D8 H2 Q( K> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
9 A" k6 b" x5 @( v> > > >beautifully."
; {7 ?7 |9 q( P) p4 ^0 }. O* @* e> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
; E4 c9 T% s% W- M0 _7 a> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
* ^' c3 j' h% D( {% w> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
% A7 h. n/ d: X> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
0 a9 \3 Q$ [  w# L. k4 a> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
( d- E2 Y3 p5 {+ c; [: R> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business