Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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0 i3 R$ A/ `  c3 E- w> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
8 V/ _4 c7 f  o; S# F> > > >little TONY.
0 K( x  u0 D/ W> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ g& D: |, b$ ?4 y>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- \6 G# p0 N7 K1 h- o# \9 K7 d! T> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
2 X, R( n4 M4 z" Y  u+ X9 b" {> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
& P# `+ p+ L# U" h, A>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
: F$ H3 t. `! f8 C, C1 w> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
/ A% }0 d0 j4 q6 C> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
' v4 N; p7 p4 i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
7 c% Z# d, ~. r- ?/ }2 y> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
, N0 d- n  k1 n6 G9 p2 R, ?# g> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
: y3 f. e, b0 S8 s% @> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
4 @0 U1 c1 @3 t& W0 F> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
: e6 e  U. W( a. V9 t> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
1 q7 B7 i8 x- {" f( e% t> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 o  R' F4 i# y! x> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
5 X( Z" P) v; A0 F> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
3 a9 x1 \. E) a2 m6 e' O8 C- L> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
3 w. j) b5 ]  |# ~3 W> > > >allow
* L; ], _2 ^' ?( R2 G$ H/ H> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
' l/ {; _$ E. T( G8 l5 H/ Z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
  G1 b. f% _2 t" i0 j' b& f> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
% q4 I% _8 n. N, {6 E> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
% F- x3 P4 _% `- {! [2 G+ j% i> > > >beautifully."
( `: L$ j$ j8 [  N> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
6 |, C+ r4 G% d* C> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
/ i$ S6 l/ ?; z5 |> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
7 Y+ c9 i8 G* t  L6 N6 a> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
: P$ K3 E- s9 ]2 [8 p> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business