Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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5 p8 o/ J( Y3 p5 ]/ Z! q! O" l> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
+ s" E- Z2 e: f% j0 l2 z/ |9 O1 X! C>thinking."
: J7 J  a4 Y2 [- z/ k5 N  K  ?> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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8 d4 C! f4 J+ ~# H; y) f> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
5 Q& {1 L. }( ~& ]  Q, b+ \1 u>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
! p4 j: o: C' l, y0 {% D" y> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
1 w1 g3 h! B: F: g% G> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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! q/ E+ S$ o, @! E- A  i: p( e> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
. A) p# C& c& `6 P& o1 u  Z> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
4 D) `% w6 A* N8 @* V% [! E> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
, d/ w9 L- X6 s5 V9 t2 k> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
5 j0 k# {0 P8 E4 ]; e6 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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8 _" Z$ f/ @$ T( Q> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
  F6 _- L. \) g6 M8 p> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
0 c3 X3 ?1 A) F# K. l. v0 x> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
2 w% j- d% o( W$ Q> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
" x6 [( {6 ^* \) G# N> > > >piss!!"
7 [  j  G8 q& O$ G. j! o5 d> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
) \  k% ^  ?6 g- Y> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, \3 D6 a* f4 v( \: q  T( i# T5 R> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
: g+ [1 z6 n& v* x2 X+ m6 K# M1 p> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
# b2 w6 g4 @4 M. c> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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9 q6 g9 e/ l0 `* F. i, C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
; y0 n5 }6 S9 F: m5 s> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
4 Y$ t9 E% E$ r; s( {6 s> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
! A8 f/ `, z! `0 K" t& E- N+ {0 T> > > >called on little TONY.
& O1 X! p2 N& q& a1 ?> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
& T' c: Q9 G1 h0 o: [> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
$ p: H. r5 y, y2 N1 k7 P> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
& i' W% z/ p( `> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
& r) z1 q- a9 B> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business