Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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, M3 A0 B1 H' `. }) `> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 {5 J. w  n% i3 V! F) l1 k5 `$ N> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
+ ]0 D; V3 S! |& J> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
9 E; l1 P' Z% Q6 C>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
1 n" X. \& Z* O/ H> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
8 f: I; D0 v! E8 |* e/ e4 J> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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( c8 K* C3 H' I& X8 o5 g" R! C> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
$ K% }2 O  U2 Z2 ~5 t7 z6 k> > > >Which one is married?"
2 j+ a- P9 f5 v> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
4 x0 s" {) F/ K& Y  C( L$ y$ [  h> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
( I: d6 X: y  s3 i' M: Q6 C> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
; M8 P& t5 f8 b$ _  D/ Z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
& n! x5 }( U  |: u7 h2 X> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
- b" q2 p; o/ o( @5 O7 I> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
% d6 E; O4 ]* k* m. s- I> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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1 u8 M, f( _% X/ `4 S& q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
# E, U* U9 F4 F$ s9 v> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
) e4 Y3 J* ~, W' O) N> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 T4 {/ w4 Y$ h" I7 W' L> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
& T( @$ P1 B# s" n$ Y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
& V7 n: `' p  }5 d3 h# X) y> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
2 ]  u( G2 P. w4 s> > > >piss!!"
" k* V  |! }3 N7 z> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
- E( ?/ O* H: L: _> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
) f, P9 \# |% i" [; ^> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
/ U" w: \5 h# Z2 B> > > >allow
' ?) {( h3 \. j; d* N  V  V> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
  X# Y5 V, P/ c  X4 U9 p- `$ @& l. D> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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) [! u$ }4 ~5 a& K0 m2 Y* W> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ ?. D+ x0 r/ p2 g> > > >same sentence twice.
+ Y6 |  w( S; r3 _( m) M> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
9 @6 n, g/ t0 R7 N3 U> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
! M2 i: H" g) g$ p5 [> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
2 [  f% \. M1 T! {; P> > > >called on little TONY.
/ s+ M5 ^; i  \  @> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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( r: @' l) y8 F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
9 f9 A# X/ g* F> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
, T# H0 G  m: C7 O> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
5 v8 `$ g3 q5 w- e6 H+ m0 A7 W1 {> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business