Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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! Y' z$ p- J1 N8 ]3 Z) E> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
, n3 e; B- O5 y> > > >little TONY.
/ V8 p" N. o. j: ~$ ^> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
. b) p- ]) {! C& w  A>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
( Q+ F4 I1 o4 j  G1 u> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
5 F  g6 S+ K; m4 m, n+ ~4 X  C( |> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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3 f- p: V& j) w> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
6 Z2 C' V4 T( c" j5 u. y> > > >Which one is married?"
8 n3 X: \! E9 o$ P7 F) F2 `9 O( Y> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
+ b% ]1 D( k0 \& X; B' P" J  c0 D4 B> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 P0 w0 t" c  ?) _8 ~  `> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
# m4 W' J& x4 v8 k* u> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
0 n: m4 G, }- _% k& D" _> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 h! ]7 h- G" H2 P( R) L% p> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
8 I5 w- ~% K% E: }> > > >piss!!"
5 f5 E7 u+ l$ Y0 o( j* b' D) g> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
: u) h; o: p! Y8 |; A* `> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
4 W6 q% g3 v! ?6 f> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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3 |& U% x4 J. k# R$ Z  h" J> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
/ s$ s/ o& o5 [  _> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
+ T1 D$ D" b4 f" W5 d/ ^> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
3 r+ {, Y- h: `. K& t> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
- P& Z) R/ h* |5 T$ m0 p> > > >called on little TONY.
1 S% ^1 A, p7 ]6 ^> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
0 @+ a  A1 C3 g( i1 W' b> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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- w7 E$ e' k) e+ C3 H5 {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
3 P: @2 Z# R7 w> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 m, M# f$ g8 D$ U> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
# {9 Z! T3 Q5 j3 t> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business