Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 R) \& n5 g7 m  \# |> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
- Q/ [; v. u# H+ e! G5 O> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
: d" X# @( |% H2 L> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
- x* m8 s% T0 h5 s, j( C5 j>thinking."
' X/ t& o! v3 h> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
* [$ V* r2 u- X, {1 ~  z& ?> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
3 H2 N. x. [5 Y) b! y. s+ l> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
9 ]* ~# A# G4 i' O>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
: y) X' z+ @0 w* g3 `+ M( }> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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+ g  a2 ^+ C' v2 C1 Z& Y* C7 Y% ]3 t> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
& o" }: \2 C3 s! }  n# R% r/ O, p2 u1 a> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
. N# W7 J% \. B5 T) y" N0 t$ {. s> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
! _( \& C! e% D> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
- k& V" x1 h; L> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
, |$ e4 i/ Y( k+ l( [. D> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
$ ~+ ^% w' m$ A" _6 {% N> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
: y4 G8 t' M$ g: M, J7 N6 e  u> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ ]4 O- V+ M; P4 p$ C' k- m> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
: G- Y) \  M0 f2 ?> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( n; d5 V6 F) I  ]% W7 Z> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
# U/ X/ S4 r! Q& |9 q1 X> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
' W5 S4 d# t+ n' T> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
" N, ?9 ^3 H& x6 q6 M5 n1 S> > > >allow
- H: B; F6 S) I3 q/ F* ^! b> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
6 c0 i# e2 g3 x0 ]: l$ z> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
: N* P! r7 @0 d- U9 b> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
9 B- F, \6 ^5 h2 e8 Y3 ^5 g" L/ V> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
+ N) v' |( {! \0 Q+ l> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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0 s2 C4 ~  V- N, K4 f2 t" c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
* @* Y9 n0 z# r8 V+ \1 g> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
, C8 O- ]3 e. f8 s! m* O/ [> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 g. R5 {- K% h/ z> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business