Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 E2 A# s! [6 \> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
3 l+ B4 s) X" S> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
& [' @# W6 ~  Y: l>thinking."
3 C- @# h" g: H; m9 v3 i> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
1 A8 s! U; g, a  e: E) c>cream.
5 o+ D& b. b6 K0 z+ T, X4 o> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 L: g9 I' f+ X. u) U> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
/ G; x0 T; x: X! L, x& d4 t> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
- R4 f" S: l1 ~9 c4 s1 W> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
: \) m0 v* s* M" X* x+ u9 c> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
1 e# k  t+ ?3 n> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
: d2 _8 K* g% {9 a, X7 q2 H6 i> > > >"That's what I said!"
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: H) O( N* v" V: u' \8 t> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
# O3 ?4 ~+ w! g9 g* j> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
4 T9 J) r: f$ w. q> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
+ z" I$ D. `7 t% e> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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( I/ q. h* ]- P- c7 c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
0 `. e5 C0 v$ I6 ?$ x' V: d# I> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
; F0 H" M: [% j  J0 K1 q# m* {> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
" N- R. m& N6 _: t3 B6 n> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
7 |7 r& O6 s8 p& b  t$ t4 ^3 U; e> > > >allow
) s, |" u3 ]( p9 i) L8 O> > > >you to go."
: Z; v' C$ q. [! R( w3 E2 F> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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) p! R- C. F8 @5 o! V* ~# w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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! {/ }- Q# E9 z4 r( l3 W. l  c* t> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
2 y" K5 P3 ]' ?% j> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
) F- r/ s* K2 n, ~0 \. c> > > >same sentence twice.
+ C9 i4 q, ~1 A6 j, N% y> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
) Q7 _" C1 L+ s( L# W> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
$ t7 y: h) z7 E0 ?6 {9 l> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
/ W* a7 \& k% w> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 `/ M, V* {5 L( Y: W# j8 d> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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# x, g$ f3 ~$ C  `6 Z9 ]- F> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
6 j: V3 ^& G% X$ a# B) m> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business