Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 I! [! e) B4 H> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
6 l- o, g% z3 G' d4 t> > > >little TONY.
# s: |6 Q$ R. N. F) K( o5 s> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
6 n! K1 `) Z- ~9 q, e0 ^; n4 c> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
" @8 `' M2 E1 Q& M4 U1 V; J> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
$ g) p/ E, a# f0 v2 m9 `$ Q1 H> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
. r& a* D& u' ]# o> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
* H) U+ O) _/ \4 G/ c> > > >Which one is married?"
7 v( K+ {' g. n% }0 d> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
3 K9 g$ l/ \# d9 v; A& [8 c/ K> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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+ t  _& L3 d  e; [9 D% j, A  F  N> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
" J  g9 w8 d7 K5 G4 v> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
7 a% k( G3 ]! H& B+ }1 @* P> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
! F3 l9 G4 Q0 t" V8 L& g2 r> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
) S' @7 j) J( f2 ]' q> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
6 }8 z; @* w* @& }! f> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
" M4 j- k5 p, Z, D3 f5 s> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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  B9 H  L+ b/ ^7 u% B& `> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
% f* \& K8 L: K8 m" c$ K, F> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 p( r( v" j$ \* M! e) C> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
. A9 \) c" f+ W3 A5 W. E2 s> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
! ?) H$ r: G# f( t3 b> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
% B# [7 z/ n5 J7 D3 x> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
7 K' ^$ ?# }5 i+ ]' c+ O+ S9 y> > > >
> > > >
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5 B; A$ r/ g5 J2 u( c, k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
! ~! H) N0 b( `# M9 i; N> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
+ s* }3 T$ G+ ]> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
  `3 K) s- U" P/ ?* H! ^> > > >same sentence twice.
" N: g  t; P9 h) }! K: E6 I1 f> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
% v1 f  h- z. W& s8 y> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
, @( g0 |; @- \6 q: l> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
/ P& Y& R. P3 b, s8 b5 D0 M' Z9 U> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
* x0 |$ P9 v) w( b- L) X4 p% U, Y> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business