Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
# f) O7 ]) h! ?> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
5 u% W2 D8 @5 b> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
' c3 _/ J" V7 P$ |> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
5 W3 K: B0 ~5 A, H3 q9 d>thinking."
+ o( J( x2 V: c) J& N; x. Z0 S> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
4 j4 \# k3 A4 ]  p% V% F> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
/ G: h0 o# U) U  }' z7 u7 a& y- c> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
6 z( y$ @: ^* L  f+ n# u1 c> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
: Z1 Q+ f) O/ Y, @6 b3 X9 ~# I" v> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ x* ^0 ^; X5 f4 ~> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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. w% R. ^  m+ p% x, y> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
2 l; W0 b9 j$ ^: ~+ M3 g3 k> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
' M3 e) h( N% u6 ?8 \. {0 ~> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
1 y  O- r' n1 F7 N* F$ O> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 r% I4 `/ L, n+ X> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
! `2 I- T. R, e3 g& a% I. e( B1 \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
  M7 B% E* Q# ]( K8 K- t> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 m- w' H* r2 f' I> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
5 j% ^5 H! D. B  m3 h> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
! e/ m/ p. R! M$ J$ g/ j> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
2 b* B5 L5 V+ k) D> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
) E8 r/ _. }% a. y& P> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
! K# y% D/ M  g/ Q  _7 Z4 N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
) a% D6 l& L/ e" P3 i5 r) Q# D2 n> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
' a, b* l% n8 `) W8 U> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
8 f8 v/ x. A, K) W9 o> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
% A; i/ N5 C' A: q+ K3 h> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business