请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
8 R% r2 G  Z" e4 h; U' ZHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
$ B4 J6 ~* d5 u2 B( xThanks a lot!!!


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' P$ [  v; \  @9 q/ tFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 @( K/ D9 T6 \1 c% \! }5 B7 |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 ~: `4 f/ C# d: C, _1 Y- L# s4 E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
  R2 o( W! G3 S4 W4 M: I$ f              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
3 y' x8 x6 w% K7 q1 f% _              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
* s; z" C& C& P& E3 m             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
8 t1 @- \0 g/ f  [1 L7 Y: _0 E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
! y; |; `" a! o' ?& s& gBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
2 z# _4 f* a) X* g5 k# Q               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
6 s4 R2 O# p0 A: TBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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! l' H7 {5 n/ {4 m卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
' H; A* i) z5 C4 s( W  h; [Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( V9 C' G) i" y, B/ _- @Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
1 D3 Z' D/ l" C* }. b, p! h5 v+ fSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ u- f. f0 V2 j" P; m6 Y
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 {# R- ]1 J  `' _Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
4 P+ Z7 I6 d+ {, L1 cSomehow I lost myself inside it again
( K& d: S% F! f6 `1 `, K6 J$ V* P. F
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 z& ]+ t( s/ Y' z8 \Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
& [) Y- u/ E$ B% Z8 b/ T8 |) a: j6 qSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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; f' m) P& C- ^3 h. c2 w( z) j  Y- mHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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) b& ~( A; j! W, w: `4 M& S% ~somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？