请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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3 `6 m$ d: J* z& [7 Y4 z( F' c3 HFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
% C7 {# y' y" n+ M- D  \1 D              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
8 F+ |+ A3 D  C* ~/ w) Z% J9 |1 E              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
. F- M2 v% s0 U              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
2 u( {6 v( W$ ?7 a9 y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( c9 @' X5 M$ G$ a/ n. e             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
9 i7 t& }  y/ y  N2 g' @6 [: JBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
5 ~4 D' z- [+ {: L$ d1 Z" l, SBut........         
* P' w! K) b" C& y% i) oIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
7 ~  E6 b; Y6 J! l7 L- q5 vSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ s( Z! p  A/ ~$ S( G9 qSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
% |0 M( E) ?, e  USomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
0 t  n) ^: }  u) |2 q
' L# U1 U8 M. R' c2 t, zSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( p- g' M3 E# E- H1 nSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
, y6 \3 P. W) R8 W% \Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 I; p$ A" f( \# n! B9 }& z0 Z
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
) o9 N% @* h1 w; r* u; T& _Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
6 y5 G) |  ~& ?! Q) kSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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5 t5 Y0 {6 T1 M; Wsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
7 v8 x5 m$ y  I: G=====================================================================
' H3 y  s6 Z/ r) f& ^9 E- Dsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

$ v( e& P+ Y, F0 f! R. P+ N哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？