请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
2 F2 u) `0 e9 O% IHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  m  X* k! b7 E" MThanks a lot!!!
- |0 C$ y1 r* u: ]& q- C+ [# o# N
; \+ U4 y, r$ _: Y4 R" t  \
4 u  Z! R+ k& l6 P5 i


4 r% e; E; w# o7 p2 }: R+ x

6 I( A3 a/ a% t, o& R# u8 uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
8 G5 n* G! k6 U9 }: b6 J              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" ^& c. l) t6 G9 Q% `6 @  U! }* H. [              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
- \: Y8 K. d3 H! K9 R; k; @              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
2 O' g7 ?$ j! S& BHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ h* d3 l/ d2 H% XNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
/ V9 N, I) j; }$ `             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
& ]$ g9 B4 L1 `+ ~               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
8 G$ \5 U% {+ J& TBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

9 d; }/ {( F# f, C) c卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
0 u2 W7 L# F" A

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
2 |) v4 H! @3 H9 d# y  LSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
4 n, `0 G0 l6 oSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
# N: U7 x2 r6 w2 QSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% s3 }3 ^; t# Y- p+ A0 ESomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

& D4 i% e: \/ e3 P. oSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
- n! d# r" ~* i9 ^7 t- Z9 @Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
$ Z+ W4 i+ E; m2 [. G6 bSomehow I lost myself inside it again
/ @' L* Z  t0 x7 q5 i
3 e+ ^9 s7 c9 [& H$ V6 U! uSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
  q$ |" U  T+ fSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; T: B  @, [: T( l3 q================================================
( f5 A' U8 Y" K0 e( p2 r. F1 OHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
$ b1 r/ p' P- S: s# W' L# g我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？