请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
$ y. ?$ r+ n2 N9 q& C! X! m              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
0 |% G$ `! I* v4 o              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% k" i0 r3 b4 U- h( w5 l             somehow I lost myself inside again
" A2 C, Q$ G' U9 E+ Y" CNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! A( \5 G% a4 P+ V/ L' PFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
; W- ]- t  E$ }               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
$ c: D* Q' a! ]# J' L" m/ pBut........         
9 {5 |; l8 [" P9 G  D8 TIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

5 \! V. X4 R1 [% y卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
/ t2 \- R& |1 s+ {Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
& A$ f* _1 y8 X9 q) q3 w6 C+ @# rSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
' l* Y2 J4 q+ N" Z, VSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
7 X" V$ `5 l: @) y9 [: RSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" W( Q$ @: v$ R, U  h# P
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

& Y2 v6 G: D: M' g/ D" ~Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
( N# }# h# a) S' g. I3 ?' V3 YSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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7 }1 H% Z( N$ k0 N0 n" J  D0 jHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

9 \+ ^4 n: p& fsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
5 X- ?. `  A1 ?) }8 l6 o& ]; @我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？