请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
" Z' R  l4 Z8 r5 U$ h5 ]Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
; T0 S+ U' E4 N: SHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# Y% t) Z- y; r" {6 H) o9 Z: sThanks a lot!!!




' ~- _" j* m, c9 m


: f$ @8 }4 B0 ^6 }: AFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
/ V' V2 u1 k- H* G8 ^3 `              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
6 y% `/ Z" s: b3 k! {              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
3 [% |$ ]- d( `! S5 g7 i              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
/ R1 J0 ~$ E& v' |* ?( {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
1 p$ g7 X1 _# x% x             somehow I lost myself inside again
& o" a/ I% U) E* x$ N4 J  MNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 k/ |3 }3 I; x+ E7 a6 c& y9 K% E             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  s& r- @: K9 X3 ^Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
( k  d! Q) b# ^' L# j- M' {! ]               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
. l( L( C; l4 s5 _But........         
# U3 i& k( k6 K3 I& E+ W( l0 A: zIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
5 }& M# `0 j8 _2 N  Q3 y3 x
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
+ }4 S4 |; \8 H

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
4 b4 b! r4 S# e  bSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
/ z2 V; v; ^0 \+ c8 OSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
3 ]+ y) Y- l8 g6 Z: h9 n. ]3 S1 k7 mSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( ^) I# Y' y6 K; ?; RSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
+ i" l  q0 t, MSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
$ {# F0 D6 n# o' u2 ~Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
' t7 v& N# O5 t8 j+ vSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
: f2 z$ y2 L% k% L/ z. jHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

8 A8 g) ^  u3 \4 v5 `+ Dsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
  T5 F. C" ^( ~/ ?7 B我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 q+ E) o; H9 M* w哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？